YOU MIGHT BE A CHILD OF THE 80s IF . . .
you have deep, personal relationships via computers
songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day.
the phrase 'going courting', to you, means
you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird Al" Yankovic song.
not that you'd do it personally,
you think the 'Gay 90's' refers to this decade.
the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.
you remember the first time 'Space: Above and Beyond' aired.
three words: 'Atari,' 'IntelliVision' and 'ColecoVision.'
you remember the days when hooking your computer into
you remember the days when 'safe sex' meant
you remember 'Friday Night Videos,' before the days of MTV.
you ever owned a pair of 'Pop-Wheels' -- that handy little combination
a predominant color in your childhood photos is 'plaid.'
you're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the 60's;
you see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up
while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans
you remember when music that was labeled 'alternative' really was.
one of the top five questions you've always wanted answered was to
you were shocked and horrified by the Challenger explosion (which you
you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to
you can't remember when the word 'networking' didn't have
you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van.
you knew all the words to Billy Joel's 'We Didn't Start the Fire,'
you've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut."
you watched 'H. R. Puffenstuff' as a child, but now that you're older,
you've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phases:
you can't remember a time when 'going out for coffee'
'Schoolhouse Rock' played a HUGE part in how
Kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are
you're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing.
flashback: it was your first chance to vote in a presidential election,
the first time you heard the candidates names, you were pumped
you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a
at one point during your teenage years, you walked with a noticeable
'Celebration' by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new songs
the first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell during
there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went
you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons.
you used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold chains on
you remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine
the phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.
you read the 'Hot Video Games Player's Secrets' guide
honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever
you ever had nightmares about the giant red evil robot Maximillian
you were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly overweight
(guys) your first wet dream occurred to thoughts of Jeannie,
(girls) you thought Sean Cassidy was 'dreamy'; lusted after "Ted, your
you're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your 21st birthday party.
you're starting to dread you're 30th birthday,
you've ever said "I'm a vegetarian," and immediately had someone
you're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after all,
you freaked out when you found that you now fall into
you have begun to lust after women (or men) that it would be
your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which
this timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life: This page is graciously hosted by
with people you've never met in real life.
fighting an unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis.
but body piercing captures your attention.
It was called 'Battlestar Galactica.'
Sound familiar?
your television wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets --
it was the ONLY WAY to use your computer!
"my parents are gone for the weekend."
of shoe and roller skate that lasted about a year on the open market.
pissed that you were a part of the 70's; think you wasted
too much time doing stupid, meaningless things in the 80's;
and still have no clue what the 90's are all about.
in those childhood photos, and they still look bad.
to get together again at the end of the century and play '1999,' by Prince,
over and over again.
Robert Smith of 'The Cure': "What WAS that head-on-the-door thing, anyway?"
were probably watching in school at the time) and yet, when someone
mentions the name 'JFK,' the first thing you think of is 'Oliver Stone.'
'It's The End Of The World As We Know It.'
a computer connotation to it.
You rode in the back of the station wagon and faced the cars behind you.
but it really didn't hold any meaning for you until about the third verse.
you really understand that it would have been much better
had you known about drugs at the time.
- "When I was younger..."
- "When I was your age..."
- "You know, back when..."
- "Because I SAID so, that's why!"
- "What the HELL is this noise on the radio?"
- "Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to."
DIDN'T involve 49,000 selections to choose from.
you actually learned the English language.
starting to piss you off by calling you "sir" or "ma'am."
and you were SO disappointed because, just for laughs,
you really wanted to vote for Gary Hart.
because you thought MICHAEL Jackson was running for President,
not this 'Jesse' character.
Duran Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video.
tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings on that arm.
when you first heard it at a school dance.
'Crazy for You' by Madonna.
by the names of 'Skip,' 'Buffy,' 'Muffy' or 'Dexter.'
Mr. T actually looked kinda cool, and the thought that Mr. T
made millions seemed rational to you at the time.
hit the streets and made your old big wheel quite obsolete.
for Mortal Kombat, just so you could find the hidden screen,
and play Pong again for old time's sake.
possibly get better special effects than those in the movie 'TRON.'
from the Disney movie 'The Black Hole' and those blender attachments
he had for hands.
man with a moderate beer belly who wore his underwear
outside of his clothes and talked strangely.
Marsha Brady, Samantha from Bewitched, or
(for those hardcore comic fans out there)
Daphne from Scooby Doo, Josie or any one of her Pussycats.
ship's photographer," on 'The Love Boat;' and Chachi; or, to keep it fair to
the comically interested, thought Fred was just a hunk on 'Scooby Doo.'
and have even begun going into denial about it's possibility.
call you a hypocrite by saying, "Nice leather jacket you have there...
and gee, is that a suede bag... those shoes leather, too?"
and it's those people over 40 you have to look out for.
the '26 - 50' age category on most questionnaires.
socially inappropriate for you to date, due to their age.
can only be described by the phrase, "I was experimenting."
- 'Star Wars' opens--you are still in single digit ages,
and you think the creatures are WAY cool.
- 'Empire Strikes Back' opens--you are now in early double digit ages,
and you are convinced that the special effects are much better, the
characters are cool, and you want one of every collectible out there.
- 'Return of the Jedi' hits the theaters--you are now a teenager, and
you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or Han Solo's butt.
You fantasize forever and ever about it, and send off to join every fan club
for them on the planet, hanging posters, photos, and 'teen'-type magazine
spreads all over your walls and lockers at school.
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