You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee If:

· You answer the door before someone knocks
· Juan Valdez names his donkey after you
· You ski uphill
· You get speeding tickets while parked
· You speed walk in your sleep
· You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse
· You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
· You have to watch videos in fast-forward
· The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake
· You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without a timer
· You lick your coffeepot clean
· You spend every vacation visiting 'Maxwell House'
· You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse
and you don't even work there
· You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week
· Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
· You chew on other people's fingernails
· The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
· Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the Devils's blend"
· You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas
· You can type sixty words per minute -- with your feet
· You can jump-start your car without cables
· Cocaine is a downer
· All your kids are named "Joe"
· You don't need a hammer to pound nails
· Your only source of nutrition comes from 'Sweet & Low'
· You don't sweat, you percolate
· You buy half-and-half by the barrel
· You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug
· You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee
· You walk twenty miles on your treadmill
before you realize it's not plugged in
· You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them
· Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down
· You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers
· People get dizzy just watching you
· You've worn the finish off your coffee table
· The 'Taster's Choice' couple wants to adopt you
· 'Starbucks' owns the mortgage on your house
· Your tast buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp
· You're so wired, you pick up AM radio on the fillings in your teeth
· People can test their batteries in your ears
· Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans
· Instant coffee takes too long, so
you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore
· You channel-surf faster without a remote
· When someone asks, "How are you?",
you say, "Good to the last drop!"
· You want to be cremated just so you can
spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can
· You want to be reincarnated as a coffee mug · Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil
· You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison
· You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee
· You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer
· You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar"
· You speak perfect Arabic without ever having taken a lesson
· Your Thermos is on wheels
· Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position
· You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug
· You can outlast the 'Energizer' bunny
· You short-out motion detectors
· You have a conniption over spilled milk
· Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale
· You think being called a 'drip' is a compliment
· You don't tan, you roast
· You don't get angry, you get steamed
· Your three favorite things in life are
coffee before...coffee during...and coffee after
· You can't even remember your second cup
· You help your dog chase its tail
· You soak your dentures in coffee overnight
· Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London
· You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate
· You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
· Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup

Laissez les bon temps roulez !!

Skippy Reboot frnknstn@infinet.com

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