Angel Baby
by: Angel Friend Denise

Saturday Ramblins, Vol. 1, No. 4 (June 6, 1998)

Editor's note: Papa Jon and I made an editorial decision to edit Angel Friend Denise's submission to honor the 12-step tradition of maintaining anonymity at the level of radio and press. Denise is a recovering person. In her words:

I had a many years of darkness, my mind was clouded by intoxicants. All I could think of, all that I really wanted, the desire of my heart, was a child. A baby I could love and cherish and who would give purpose to my life. But, I could not get pregnant. I tried to bargain with God, promising to give up my addictions—but it did not happen.

I was very unhappy and used infertility as an excuse for abusing intoxicants. I was a Christian, but only talked to God when I was really in trouble.

Then, about four years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer of the cervix and told I would have to have a hysterectomy. I was devastated. The thought of never having children was the end of my life as I envisioned it.. I set out to destroy myself. Driving over a lake, I decided to drive off the bridge.

Then, it was like I heard a voice saying, "No, you have to try again. It's not over yet; it's not your time." I went to the probation department and asked for help. I was admitted to a treatment center where God started changing my heart. I surrendered and gave control back to Him. The treatment center arranged for me to go to a hospital to get the surgery I needed.

I had been prayed over, with hands laid on me, and I believed that I had been healed by the Lord. My faith was strong. I said to the doctors, "You're not going to find anything. Jesus has healed me."

It was true, when the four doctors operated—the cancer was gone. They were amazed at what had happened. It was a miracle. The Lord took the cancer from my body.

Two years into recovery, I got pregnant! It was God's plan for me to surrender my life to Him before I was blessed with the desire of my heart. The day my pregnancy was confirmed was the happiest day of my life. The doctor remembered me as, "the lady who had cancer (that) went away."

The whole time I was pregnant, I felt something was wrong. My daughter's birth was a very frightening experience. I was in labor for 27 hours and she was born dead; she had no heartbeat.

I was calm about it though, I knew the Lord would take care of it. There were angels all around me. After four minutes, the doctors got a heartbeat. My baby was rushed to Children's Hospital where she was soon breathing on her own.

She is my miracle. My little recovery angel. Everything God ever promised me, and more. I just needed to trust Him.

She is 2-1/2 now and has mild cerebral palsy, from the tragic birth. She is doing well though, and I know God has a purpose for her life. She is a fighter. She is my angel on earth.

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