Death Can Be Beautiful
by: Angel Friend Kathy

Saturday Ramblins, Vol. 1, No. 17 (September 5, 1998)

In 1994, I was asked to move to Oregon and help with my ailing mother. I said, "No, I can't watch her die." She received chemotherapy and other treatments to aid in her battle with brain cancer.

In 1996, again I received a call to help my mom. Maybe I had grown enough; maybe I had accepted her on-coming death. I'm not sure which, but I moved to Oregon to live with her.

I watched this brave woman do all she could to give us, her nine children and 63 grandchildren and great-grandchildren, time to adjust to her death. She spoke of it often, explaining what she felt would happen when she went to meet my dad and son.

In November, my mother told her hospice nurse to have me call all her children home. She knew her time was close. She gave us and her brothers and sister time to get to her and spend quality time with her. She said to me, "Sister, your dad is coming from the third world and is bring Judy." I said "Third world, Mom?" She laughed and said, "Montana honey. The roads are real bad, so your Dad went to bring your sister here safe."

As selfish as I could be, I said, "Please don't die on me in my sleep or while I'm at work Mom. I want to be here to hold your hand when you go to Dad."

On the morning Mom died my sister woke me at 5 a.m., asking if I had checked on Mom yet. I replied I hadn't, but that I would. My mother was completely deaf. She seemed to know I was awake and rattled the rail on the side of her bed. I laughed and told my sister she was okay.

We got up to turn her and I realized we had only a very short time with Mom. I told my sister to call the rest of the family at the motel and tell them get to the house quickly — no time for showers, just get to the house if they wanted to say goodbye.

As the relatives arrived they assembled in Mom's bedroom, when all were present Mom said, "Now they are all here." She sat up by herself, which she had not been able to do for ten days. She called us each by name and said, "I love you all. Please do not grieve too much for me. I am going to be with your Dad, and I am so happy." I laid her down and she was gone.

Death can be beautiful and I was a witness to that beauty.

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