An Echo of Peace
by: Angel Friend Shirl Alix-Eck

Saturday Ramblins, Vol. 1, No. 15 (August 22, 1998)

God has sent angels to me often in my life, and probably times when I didn't know it. But sometimes I've needed even more than that and at that very lowest time in my life I believe God, Himself stilled my heart.

For thousands of reasons, when I was in my late 30's, I left my children with my husband. I tried to claw my way out of the black pit of depression and loneliness that seemed to have its grip on me. Instead, leaving broke my heart along with those of my children. They all disowned me except for Steven, one of my twin boys.

Because of this, my depression spiraled downward and I believed that I would never come out of the hole into which I had fallen.

Then Steven came to live with me for a time, and life once again had some sunshine in it. I lived in a different city, with a larger school — Steven found himself very lonely and longing for his twin, his sister and his baby brother.

For days I would not allow him to speak of what was troubling him. I knew that he was going to leave me alone, and I simply couldn't bear the thought. When I finally realized what I was doing to him, I allowed him to tell me. We cried together and he left. My heart broke and downward I zoomed.

I decided to move to the town where the children lived and drive 45 minutes to work each day – even with my history of falling asleep at the wheel.

Angels definitely were with me that year and a half as I drove those many miles without falling asleep and hurting anyone! The loneliness got worse – the children refused to visit me – as though it was disloyal to their father. Also, they were teenagers and busy with their own lives and friends.

I was seeing someone by now, it had been about three years since the separation. I needed to move on with my life. Obviously the marriage wasn't going to work. I had divorced after much prayer. Angels guided me through the words of my father, a good friend, and others.

I chose to not allow the man I was seeing to come to where I lived, just in case my children might visit. Every night after work and on the weekends I would wait and wait, but they never came.

Then my brother betrayed me. He invited my children for Christmas with him with their father, instead of asking me to bring them. I ached at the thought of a Christmas without them.

One night, in what I consider the depths of my pain, alone in my mobile — near my children, yet so far away — I broke. I screamed at God, telling Him I simply couldn't bear the pain and loneliness anymore. I had a tiny kitten that I threw against the wall. I still can't believe I was so cruel, even in my anguish. God protected me and the kitten, who was unhurt. Suddenly, through my tears, I heard Him say, "You Are Not Alone." Instantly I knew God's voice. I calmed at once, and sat in my bed holding on to the sound of that voice and the peace that came over me.

From that day on, things gradually grew better. Many days were painful, but nothing like they had been. I'm sure that it was just after that my relationship with my children began to improve, to the very close one we have today.

We are never alone! How could I have forgotten? How can I still sometimes forget? But I do. And though He doesn't speak to me as He did that night, I sometimes hear the echo, and peace comes once again.

Thank you, God, what would I do without You in my life?

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