God's Choice
by: Gwen Hopkins

Saturday Ramblins, Vol. 2, No. 9 (May 1, 1999)

Have you ever reached a point in your life when you know you can't carry on? By this I mean not want to carry on living! I have but God said to me, "No." This has happened to me a twice in my life and both times God stepped in.

I remember we used to take a short cut to in order to get home from Carmarthen. Along the road, there was a steep drop-off to the left.

Once, after suffering physical and mental abuse and also having all my money stolen by a trusted friend, I began to think, "I've had it, I just can't take anymore; living is just not worth it. "

I drove my car to that road with the steep cliff and placed it right on the brink, knowing all I had to do was let the handbrake off. I'd even left a note for my girls, asking them to forgive me.

As I sat there I prayed, and as I was about to make the final move for the brake God spoke to me: me -- the person who was running out on him. There I was telling God that I couldn't do this anymore and He was telling me, "You are my child, I have work for you to do". I could not believe what I was hearing. "There must be some mistake," I thought. I was unworthy of God's Love. How could I help God when I was in no fit state to help myself?

In the end I drove the car back home (how I did it, to this day I do not know). My girls hadn't found my note and I thanked God for that. I realized then that running away would not solve anything. But I still wondered what God wanted me to do.

The answer came as He began to use me through testimony to reach others suffering abuse. He taught me to council them. This was not me; I was not capable of this. This was definitely God at work in their lives through me. My main objective was to teach others about forgiveness and that they were of value in His eyes. I know that no matter how much I had to suffer in life, it wasn't half as much as God suffered for me.

The second event was more recent. After again suffering physical abuse, I sat in my room with a bottle of tablets in my hand. Again, God told me, "No! I still have work for you to do."

No one said that being a Christian was an easy option. It doesn't give us an easy ride. We still have to continue with our daily lives but it does give us something special. It gives us the love of a wonderful Father. It gives us the knowledge that if we pour out all our cares on Him, just as He asks us to, He will carry us through.

I have recently had to make big decisions in my life but I have done them in the knowledge that I have talked them over with God. I know that whatever happens I am in His hands. All I have to do is trust Him and take Him at His word. He will see me through.

When I think of all the young people today suffering in some way, those who have died through drug abuse, others believing that no one cares for them, I long to reach out my hand to them and tell them God cares. God is using me in His way.

I help out at an addiction center when needed and they only have to pick up the phone and I am there, with God's help. I have also done some work with the Samaritans. Believe me, God gives me the strength to do this. Through my personal experience and His love, He guides me daily.

Now I say, "Thank You God. Thank you for loving me enough to want to use me as you see fit." I will never again feel unworthy, because I know, I face each day with the power of God in my life.

And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way. Bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all Power, according to His glorious might. Colossians (I: 10-11)