Dear friends and family,

Greetings on the eve of a new Millenium! Since I didn't get Christmas cards out last December, I'll catch you up on the past year -- plus a little more.

Last year, I moved from Pennsylvania to western Massachusetts, arriving here on the day before Thanksgiving, 1998. I started in a new position as Benefits Administrator at Amherst College the following Monday, December 1. Then a week later, I accompanied my boyfriend Peter to his daughter Sarah's wedding in Dublin, Ireland. We spent a week in Ireland - and it was "lovely" as they say! Now that was a busy Christmas season! I hope to go back again, especially as Sarah is now expecting a baby in June! Peter will be a grandpa and I will be....the girlfriend of a grandpa!

Amherst College is located in the Pioneer Valley along the Connecticut River. The valley is the home of four other schools: Mt. Holyoke, Smith, Hampshire, and the University of Massachusetts, making it a lively, diverse cultural area with a small town flavor. Belchertown (love that name...) borders Amherst and has the look of a classic New England village with a large common surrounded by white churches and shops.

I'm still enjoying contra dancing, and conveniently, this area is known for its excellent callers and musician-sponsored dances. I co-organized our dance back in Lewisburg, but here, all I have to do is show up and dance! I'm joining a Garland Dance team in January. I've also been to the New England Folk Festival, the Old Songs Festival, the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival in the Berkshires, and the Heritage Folk Festival in Philadelphia this year. A real dance gypsy...

Peter has been putting some miles on his Civic, too, coming up for many weeklong visits during the past year. We miss each other but spend "quality time" when we're together. There were trips back to Lewisburg on all of the long holiday weekends and once for good measure in early December to dance with friends and enjoy Lewisburg's holiday parade. Joke of the year: "What do you call a condo owner who relocates?" "A landlord". That's me. My townhouse in Lewisburg is now rented to some reliable tenants with a new baby. A future retirement home in central Pennsylvania, perhaps?

Meanwhile, I've moved again, very recently, still within Belchertown. In September, I moved to a two-story duplex, surrounded by tall pines and a large front and back yard. It's located on a cul-de-sac in a quiet neighborhood, and I have an easy commute to work. In the midst of moving I took a break to go to Boothbay Harbor, Maine, with Peter. We spent a week at a house we've enjoyed going to for the past several years. That was a very welcome respite from the packing, and unpacking!

So this is where I am, that's where I've been. But now on to where I'm going and what the future will be bringing... I've saved the most important news for last. A lifelong dream of mine is about to come true. I'm in the process of adopting a baby girl from China. Yes, I'm an expectant mother! More information on my adoption process is enclosed, as well as some information on adoption from China in general, for anyone who is interested in knowing more about the process.

I don't know who she is yet, or where she is living, but I feel certain she's been born by now. There is a favorite story of adoptive parents of children from China that evolved from an old Chinese folktale, which says that people who are destined to meet are connected by an invisible "Red Thread". The thread may stretch, become tangled or knotted but it never breaks. I feel that I'm connected to my daughter just as certainly as I feel connected to you who I don't see nearly enough! I hope she is safe and healthy and warm this winter. Please keep my little one warm within your hearts and prayers this Christmas season -- and also her Chinese orphanage sisters and all the other homeless children of the world who await their forever families.

May this season bring you peace, hope, and remembrance that the sunlight returns even after the darkest of days. The best of life's blessings to you and yours. Life is to be savored!

Love,

Laurie
and purrs from biggie Leo (age 12) and baby Chloe (age 5) both fat, happy, and in for a big surprise very soon....

I'm at the following email addresses: lddickson@amherst.edu, and ldickson@juno.com.
I have a website at http://geocities.datacellar.net/Heartland/Meadows/4993 Please keep in touch!

Shortly after moving to Massachusetts (in fact, on Christmas Eve 1998) I met with a local adoption agency to begin the process of a homestudy. I had already filed for approval of the Immigration and Naturalization Service to adopt a foreign-born orphan and had been fingerprinted for FBI clearance. Like all adoptive parents, I underwent a homestudy that was submitted to the INS, the state and to China. A social worker interviewed me, visited my home, collected reference letters, and assessed my worthiness as a parent. In total, I spent six months gathering, preparing, notarizing, certifying, and authenticating a small mountain of documents. A state child abuse clearance, letter of good conduct, financial statements, and photos were also required. Even the well water was tested! I received my INS clearance on April 15, 1999, and my dossier was complete and sent to my agency's facilitator in Guangzhou (formerly Canton), translated and forwarded to the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) in Beijing on July 15, 1999. I am now awaiting the referral of my daughter.

The waiting period till a referral is received is currently six to seven months, with travel to China following about six weeks after that. My agency's directors recently visited Beijing and learned that dossiers received in August are under review, which means that mine has passed review and is either matched or in the matching process to a child. If the current pattern holds, I should receive my referral in January or February. I'll receive a phone call from the agency, followed by photos of the baby selected for me by CCAA, a report on her health, and her birth date. I've requested a healthy infant girl from birth up to twelve months. The babies are averaging 8 to 10 months old when the referral is received. If I accept the referral, which I expect I will, I'm guessing that travel to China will occur in late March or April to complete the adoption.

I believe that my baby has probably already been born by now, and we may even be matched to each other, but I won't know who she is or what orphanage (they're called welfare institutes in China) she's in until I receive my referral after the holidays. My agency, Adoption Advocates International, is very experienced in international adoptions. And, China's entire process is very predictable and organized, which has made it a model of adoption processes for other countries. The information shared by my friends who have already adopted their daughters has been invaluable. I've also met others living nearby who are in the waiting stages or who have just returned with their girls...it will be helpful for both the baby and me to have these wonderful contacts of other single mothers and couples close by.

I chose China for several reasons: the difficulty of a single adopting in the US, the standardization of the process there, their acceptance of single (and older) women, the huge number of children in the orphanages there who need homes, and the fact that many of the available children are female.

I'll be very careful in how and what I tell my daughter about the circumstances of her abandonment (to the extent that I will know them). I feel it's best that I discuss this information with her at the appropriate time when she's best able to understand and accept all of the factors that lead to the high numbers of baby girls who are abandoned in China.

I have always hoped to adopt a child, and somehow always pictured her as being Asian. Maybe it was because of my parents' babysitting for our little Filipino neighbor Jo Scott, but I've always felt an affinity for Asian children. I used to say that if I didn't have any biological children by age 35, I would adopt, married or not. Needless to say, 35 came and went, and when I was 39 I realized that it might be time to put that wish into action. Imagine how stunned I was in 1996 to learn that China was now open for adoption by single women, men, and couples, preferably over 35 with no other children, and that 98% of the babies available were girls. It was perfect.

Why China?

I learned that the Chinese orphans are among the healthiest available for international adoption. China will not knowingly assign a child that has a known serious or deadly disease. Although I would like to help the "special needs" children, I felt that as a single parent I would be better equipped to handle a healthier child. Another consideration for me was the straightforward honesty of the adoption process in China. Everything is above board; there are no hidden costs or bribes in a Chinese adoption, which is not always the case with some other countries with international adoption programs. Also, my age is an advantage from the Chinese point of view. To adopt a healthy infant in China, you must now be at least 30 years old. There is no residency period required in China before the adoption can be completed.

Finally, there are of course thousands of children in China who desperately need loving families. The children are available primarily because they are girls, and not because of any other social factors. Of the approximately 6,000 children adopted internationally from China annually, about 4,000 of them come to the US and the rest are adopted to other countries.

I won't bore you with more on the actual process of adoption, but would love to tell you about the "paperchase" personally, if you're interested.

Support Groups

The Internet: Through the Internet, I've connected with thousands of other singles and couples who have either completed a China adoption or are in the process. Most members of this Internet mailing list (the Adoptive Parents from China list, called the APC) live in the US, but there are international members too. Each day, I receive several digests of messages posted to the list by these folks. People discuss every aspect of the adoption process, trade travel tips, review books and movies with Chinese themes, express hopes and fears, complain about bureaucratic delays, and so on. Or, they simply "lurk", i.e., read and learn. When people return from China, they write detailed travel journals with tips for the rest of us. An amazing number of people have set up their own web sites based on their experiences. Breaking news from the China adoption front usually hits the list first, sometimes even before agencies hear it! And when the referrals come in, people support and congratulate each other. I've learned a tremendous amount of information about the whole process from this online community. And, I've become personal friends with several people I've met through the "APC". After adoption, there is another large Internet list called "Post Adoption China" or PAC. It provides ongoing support and information. I am also on a listserve for waiting parents whose dossiers went to China in July. There are over 70 of us on that list.

Families with Children from China: I've joined the New England Chapter of the FCC. The local chapter has more than 50 families and sponsors a second-Saturday morning playgroup in nearby Northampton. The New England Chapter is the largest in the country and is based in Boston. As you can see, I am not entirely alone in this endeavor, and my daughter will have a large group of peers!

What I have learned

Many people have heard stories about how girls are treated in China, and some have asked me about it. Here is a bit of what I have learned in the past three years:

One Child Policy: China is the most populous country in the world with 1.2 billion people (22 percent of the world's total). China has had family planning regulations in place for some time now, and couples must apply to local family planning officials for approval to have children. There are serious penalties for unauthorized pregnancies. The family planning regulations are enforced to varying degrees in different regions of the country. In some areas just one child is allowed while in others two or perhaps even more may be permitted, depending on local birth control policy.

Cultural Preference for Boys: Over its long history, Chinese society has held a preference for boys. The Chinese firstborn male is expected to care for his parents and may be legally liable to do so. Children are their parents' social security. In the past, the birth of a boy was considered a Large Happiness and the birth of a girl just a Small Happiness. Typically a girl would marry and leave her family to live with and serve her husband's family. With the limitations imposed by the family planning policies, the cultural preference for boys has resurfaced. Chinese people do love their children but the societal pressure, so different from anything we may understand or ever experience, can lead to the abandonment of girl infants.

Abandonment of Baby Girls: It is illegal in China both to give birth to an unauthorized child and after an illegal birth to abandon the child. This is a Catch-22 for the birthparents who must anonymously give up the child before they are found out. Birthmothers typically leave their baby girl in a conspicuous public place such as the steps of a police station, hospital, or orphanage, or sometimes in a crowded public market or train station where they know she'll be found and cared for. Sometimes the mother hides nearby or in a crowd, to see that the baby is found. This is often done at considerable risk to the mother. Contrary to what many people think, recent research has shown that often it is a second daughter who is abandoned, and not the first child if she is a girl and a boy was hoped for. First daughters are more often kept and the parents may try for a boy as a second child, paying associated penalties if necessary. If the second child is also a daughter, she may be abandoned in order to try once again for a male child.

Chinese Orphanages: Most of the orphanages participating in adoptions are located in China's southern provinces, but many orphanages are located throughout all of the provinces. Children of all ages may live there, and sometimes, the welfare institutes may also house senior citizens who have no children to care for them in their old age. Although the welfare institutes are short of resources, conditions have been improving over the past several years as more adoptions take place. Adoptive parents make a cash donation to the orphanage, which helps to improve the conditions. The caregivers, or nannies, often become obviously attached to the children. This is evident at the time the children are placed in the adoptive parents' arms. Because of the love and care received in the orphanage, babies from China, in general, are not showing the attachment disorders more commonly seen in children from other countries. Furthermore, the health of the Chinese adoptive children is predominantly good. Developmental delays and malnourishment occur but are only temporary in most cases and the children make rapid progress once placed with their adoptive parents. Sometimes incredible progress takes place while the family is still inside China!

Attitude of the Chinese toward American Adoptive Parents: All reports from those who have made the trip are the same: The Chinese people are quite friendly, and when they see you with your daughter and learn you have adopted her, they react with delight and call her a "Lucky Baby". They truly want good homes in America for the children and consider them fortunate to be adopted here.

Names:

I've been calling her "Becky" and it's a handy "working name", but could change. I like Rebecca Dale Dickson but I may also keep all or part of her Chinese "orphanage" name. We'll see...it could be something entirely different on the adoption announcement! There are so many beautiful names to choose from. Stay tuned.

Potential Delays:

The American Consulate in Guangzhou will be closing over the Christmas and New Year holidays, which are followed in February by the Chinese New Year. Although one reason I chose China is that the procedure is somewhat standardized, there is always a risk that the program could slow down due to any factor. I believe my referral will come through in a timely fashion, but there could be delays before I am able to travel if any of the holiday closings create a backlog, or if there are any Y2k problems within China.

My Trip: My trip will be about two weeks long. My adoption agency will organize it entirely. I will travel to China with two other adopting families, both of whom are adopting their second daughters from China. Our adoption agency's guide, facilitator, and translator is a highly respected young man named Jeff Li, who is very experienced in shepherding families through China. Chris Eberts has offered to accompany me to China. Bless her heart and those of the others who have supported and encouraged this. We'll travel first to the province where my daughter's orphanage is located, and complete the adoption paperwork there and obtain her Chinese passport. Normally, on the first or second day in-country, the orphanage director and the nannies bring the girls to the adoptive parents at their hotel. Once the adoption paperwork is processed in her province, we'll travel to Guangzhou, just north of Hong Kong, to visit the US Consulate for medical exams, and to obtain her entrance visa to the United States. When we return home, another paperchase begins to obtain her green card and citizenship.

When We Return: I am fortunate to have already received approval for a three-month paid maternity leave from the College after we return. This period will be crucial to our becoming a family. I hope to be able to introduce "Becky" to some of you during this time, and it will also be important to spend some quiet and consistent time at home, at first. Hopefully she'll become a good traveler and dancer...Peter insists her nickname should be Do-Si-Do! I know my dancing days will be curtailed for awhile, which is one reason I attended so many festivals this past year!

I'm currently investigating daycare arrangements and have located several good possibilities. Her room is already in process, clothes, toys and books are beginning to stock the shelves. I believe Santa even has some prezzies in his sleigh for her this Christmas, but he's going to deliver them to my house here, so that we don't have to carry them all the way home from China in a few months.

And hopefully, next year's Christmas letter will tell you all about "Becky's" first year at home!

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