Potty Training
Potty training is basically common sense, and a good understanding of you child. You should watch out for signs of readiness, and then when training you need to be able to push your child hard enough to progress, but not so hard as to cause discouragment because your child feels like he is failing. You will know what motivates your child, so offer rewards and encouragement for the slightest achievement. I believe in a gentle introduction to potty training, and outline my method below, but other ways can also be sucessful. I have also included some general guidlines, which may be useful whatever method you chose.
Signs of Readiness
Most children will demonstrate some, or all of the following when they are ready for training, showing that they have aquired the necessary skills...
Realise when he has wet his nappy. |
You may see him holding his nappy as he goes, or possibly sitting/crouching down. Some children will tell you what has happened, but not all feel the need to do this. An interest in what has happened, if they wee when running around naked, is a good sign. Some children are quite happy to be wet or dirty: this doesn't necessarily mean they don't realise. |
Have some bladder control. |
This can be difficult to determine, but the occasional dry nappy may indicate it, as could the ability to run around naked for half an hour or more without weeing. |
Have an interest in using the toilet. |
This will be fairly apparent if you are quite open with you child, he will be interested in the toilet when you use it. He amy want to flush it or put things down it! If you have introduced the potty early, your child will begin to want to sit on it at this stage, although perhaps only when clothed. |
Understand what you want him to use the potty for! |
This is basicly a language skill, and if he can talk well then you will be able to explane it to him. If he isn't talking well yet then it can be quite difficult to know whether he has understood, afterall it is a very strange thing you are asking. It is good if you child can see other children, preferable close in age, using a potty or the toilet, but if not books about using the potty can help. You will invariably have to "enjoy" using the toilet yourself when your child is around. |
Have a way to tell you when he needs to use the potty |
He will need a good grasp of social interaction, which he may demonstrate whilst playing. In other areas he will probably be able to express his needs such as when he wants a drink. If he speaks well you will have to teach him the words he needs. Otherwise he will have to signal to you. |
Be able to understand that you want him to use the potty |
This is a language and a social skill. If you child can talk well you will be able to "discuss" this with him. He needs to understand that it makes you very happy when he uses the potty, but if he doesn't talk you can obviously still show you are pleased in other ways. He will begin to demonstrate the desire to please you when playing, for example by making you pretend drinks. |
The Stages to Success
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Introducing the potty:
I personally feel that it does no harm to have a potty around from a very early age. I also think that the potty should be introduced a couple of months before you intend to start training. Keep the potty somewhere where your child will see it every day, preferably in the living room or bed room, but if you prefer to be more discrete then the bathroom would do. He should be comfortable with sitting on it before you actually start to ask him to use it. At this stage you should also talk to him about the potty when changing his nappy, getting him used to the words you will be using.
timescale: 2 or more months
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Understanding what it is for:
Once he is happy with the potty, it is worth while putting him on it at a regular time each day. Good times to try this include: 15 mins after a meal, whilst you are running the bath, or during a favourite TV programme. If he needs encouragement to sit there for long enough try reading or playing with him, but never force him to stay longer. You should praise him if he manages to use it, to reinforce what the potty is for. I am in favour of using rewards such a stickers or even sweets. Also praise him when he just sits there for now, because it is not his fault if he doesn't need to go! Talk to him about what the potty is for, but this is unlikely to click with him just yet - also talk to him when you use the "big potty". keep him in nappies for now so he doesn't feel too pressured.
timescale: 1 week, after the first sucessful wee (which may take a month or more)
Using the potty:
I feel that when he is managing to use the potty, as described above, on most days - or if he is sitting on it without prompting at the regular time - then you are ready to move on. I suggest that you still continue with nappies at this stage, or change to "pull ups". Pull ups have their place and are a real status symbol to your child... but he won't be fooled: he can still wee in them just like nappies!
Have the potty to hand and make it part of your routine. Put him on it an increasing number of times a day. Also move away from actually putting him on the potty to just taking his nappy off. The aim now is to get him to go to the potty himself.
timescale: 1-2 weeks, upto a month until YOU are ready to progress
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Going nappieless:
When YOU are ready, let him go nappieless at home. He should be completely naked on the bottom so he can use the potty very easily and all by himself. Let him wear a long t-shirt if you prefer him to be covered. The potty will have to be in his sight at all times now. If you are worried about accidents do it in the summer outdoors or wait until he is very good at stage 3. It is very important that you don't get stressed as he moves forward, because this is a critical point and he will undoubtedly have lots of accidents for the first few days. When he has an accident you must gently tell him, say something like "oh dear you didn't use you your potty this time". Try putting him on the potty after an accident, even for a few seconds to reinforce the idea. Clear up but don't make a big fuss. When he is sucessful make a really big fuss and I suggest providing a reward at this stage. To begin with he could be nappieless for a while each day, working towards being nappieless most of the time, expect when you are going out. Towards the end of this stage it is worth while not going out at all for a few days so he can concentrate on being nappieless and using the potty all day. This really needs to be a full time thing for him to progress.
timescale: 1-4 weeks
Progressing:
Let you child go nappieless as much as possible, but continue using pull-ups when you are out, and obviously at night still. Prepare your child for the next stage by saying the same thing to him every time he goes, for example "you need a wee-wee", or "its potty time". Take the potty out with you - it may be a good idea to let him carry it himself so it is a constant reminder. Upto now he has probably only been using it at home and you need to make him use it in strange places! At a time which is convenient to you put him in proper pants for a short time to get him used to the idea.
timescale: 2-7 days, or until it is convenient to go full time in pants
Proper Pants:
Chose a time when you can cope with having lots of accidents again. Do proper pants full time - no pull-ups even when you are out! I suggest you stay at home if at all possible for a day or two. Keep the potty where your child can see it and put him on it very regularly, as often as half-hourly. Encourage him to tell you, but don't expect him to remember all the time yet. He may not show any concern at wetting himself to begin with but if after three days he is still not bothered about wetting himself go back a stage and try again in a weeks time. Assuming he is at least recognising when he is wet, after a couple of days take him out for a short trip to somewhere close by with good toilet facilities... give him a drink, and take him to the toilet 10 mins later. When you begin to get days with no accidents lengthen the time between taking him to the potty. Sometime around now you will probably want to introduce a toilet seat for use when you are out, rather than having to keep karting a potty around.
timescale: 7-10 days
Getting him to ask:
This is the last real skill to learn, but it may just follow naturally particularly if you child is a good talker. If it doesn't happen then try moving the potty out of sight now. Ask your child if he needs the potty rather than just putting him on... if he says no then let him wet himself a few times, it won't hurt occasionally. Always say the thing you want him to say when he does use the potty to reinforce the idea of telling you. Offer the rewards now for telling rather than just for using the potty. If you have got this far and your child still isn't talking much arrange a signal with him, to show you when he needs the potty. Try to wait for him to tell you more and more, whilst watching for those signs that he needs the potty and isn't going to say, as too many accidents may knock his confidence. As you become more sure that he will ask stop remininding him altogether... even if has more accidents again. I suggest that one or two accidents a day against a background of at least six sucesses a day will not knock the confidence of most children, but use your judgement.
timescale: 2 days to several weeks
This may seem a bit long-winded and if you add it up the process could take 6 months in total.... but the real crunch time, between being in nappies full time to being dry by day most days is only about 4 weeks. This method is gentle and aims to get the child potty trained because he or she wants to use the potty. For me it was very sucessful and not all stressful - I might even venture to say that I found it enjoyable. It was certainly rewarding as I watched my son gaining his independance.
Introducing the potty:
I personally feel that it does no harm to have a potty around from a very early age. I also think that the potty should be introduced a couple of months before you intend to start training. Keep the potty somewhere where your child will see it every day, preferably in the living room or bed room, but if you prefer to be more discrete then the bathroom would do. He should be comfortable with sitting on it before you actually start to ask him to use it. At this stage you should also talk to him about the potty when changing his nappy, getting him used to the words you will be using.timescale: 2 or more months
Understanding what it is for:
Once he is happy with the potty, it is worth while putting him on it at a regular time each day. Good times to try this include: 15 mins after a meal, whilst you are running the bath, or during a favourite TV programme. If he needs encouragement to sit there for long enough try reading or playing with him, but never force him to stay longer. You should praise him if he manages to use it, to reinforce what the potty is for. I am in favour of using rewards such a stickers or even sweets. Also praise him when he just sits there for now, because it is not his fault if he doesn't need to go! Talk to him about what the potty is for, but this is unlikely to click with him just yet - also talk to him when you use the "big potty". keep him in nappies for now so he doesn't feel too pressured.timescale: 1 week, after the first sucessful wee (which may take a month or more)
Using the potty:
I feel that when he is managing to use the potty, as described above, on most days - or if he is sitting on it without prompting at the regular time - then you are ready to move on. I suggest that you still continue with nappies at this stage, or change to "pull ups". Pull ups have their place and are a real status symbol to your child... but he won't be fooled: he can still wee in them just like nappies! Have the potty to hand and make it part of your routine. Put him on it an increasing number of times a day. Also move away from actually putting him on the potty to just taking his nappy off. The aim now is to get him to go to the potty himself.timescale: 1-2 weeks, upto a month until YOU are ready to progress
Going nappieless:
When YOU are ready, let him go nappieless at home. He should be completely naked on the bottom so he can use the potty very easily and all by himself. Let him wear a long t-shirt if you prefer him to be covered. The potty will have to be in his sight at all times now. If you are worried about accidents do it in the summer outdoors or wait until he is very good at stage 3. It is very important that you don't get stressed as he moves forward, because this is a critical point and he will undoubtedly have lots of accidents for the first few days. When he has an accident you must gently tell him, say something like "oh dear you didn't use you your potty this time". Try putting him on the potty after an accident, even for a few seconds to reinforce the idea. Clear up but don't make a big fuss. When he is sucessful make a really big fuss and I suggest providing a reward at this stage. To begin with he could be nappieless for a while each day, working towards being nappieless most of the time, expect when you are going out. Towards the end of this stage it is worth while not going out at all for a few days so he can concentrate on being nappieless and using the potty all day. This really needs to be a full time thing for him to progress.timescale: 1-4 weeks
Progressing:
Let you child go nappieless as much as possible, but continue using pull-ups when you are out, and obviously at night still. Prepare your child for the next stage by saying the same thing to him every time he goes, for example "you need a wee-wee", or "its potty time". Take the potty out with you - it may be a good idea to let him carry it himself so it is a constant reminder. Upto now he has probably only been using it at home and you need to make him use it in strange places! At a time which is convenient to you put him in proper pants for a short time to get him used to the idea.timescale: 2-7 days, or until it is convenient to go full time in pants
Proper Pants:
Chose a time when you can cope with having lots of accidents again. Do proper pants full time - no pull-ups even when you are out! I suggest you stay at home if at all possible for a day or two. Keep the potty where your child can see it and put him on it very regularly, as often as half-hourly. Encourage him to tell you, but don't expect him to remember all the time yet. He may not show any concern at wetting himself to begin with but if after three days he is still not bothered about wetting himself go back a stage and try again in a weeks time. Assuming he is at least recognising when he is wet, after a couple of days take him out for a short trip to somewhere close by with good toilet facilities... give him a drink, and take him to the toilet 10 mins later. When you begin to get days with no accidents lengthen the time between taking him to the potty. Sometime around now you will probably want to introduce a toilet seat for use when you are out, rather than having to keep karting a potty around.timescale: 7-10 days
Getting him to ask:
This is the last real skill to learn, but it may just follow naturally particularly if you child is a good talker. If it doesn't happen then try moving the potty out of sight now. Ask your child if he needs the potty rather than just putting him on... if he says no then let him wet himself a few times, it won't hurt occasionally. Always say the thing you want him to say when he does use the potty to reinforce the idea of telling you. Offer the rewards now for telling rather than just for using the potty. If you have got this far and your child still isn't talking much arrange a signal with him, to show you when he needs the potty. Try to wait for him to tell you more and more, whilst watching for those signs that he needs the potty and isn't going to say, as too many accidents may knock his confidence. As you become more sure that he will ask stop remininding him altogether... even if has more accidents again. I suggest that one or two accidents a day against a background of at least six sucesses a day will not knock the confidence of most children, but use your judgement.timescale: 2 days to several weeks
Some General Info I have found useful
return to topEvery day is a step forward
Somedays this is hard to believe, but is is true - and keeping this in mind really helped me at times. It is all too easy to judge your childs sucess by the amount (or lack of) of wet pants in a day... but remember that he is improving his control and his judgement every day and this requires a certain amount of trial-and-error. As he learns to hold for longer he will inevitably not make it sometimes. Also if you have a bad day, think about how much help you have given him today, was it less than yesterday?
Gaining bowel control
It is more difficult to poo without being consious of it, so you would imgine bowel control may come first, and some times it does, but think about these points: 1) He has more opertunity to "practice" weeing, he probably only opens his bowels once a day! 2) Once you gat the urge to go how long can you hold it... for a wee probably an hour or so, but maybe less for a bowel movement? I heard a toddler oncw say "The poo comes too quickly - I can't stop it". 3) Also once he recognises the strong urge to poo, he may forget his bladder control for a moment, it is very common to get accidents at this time.
Weaning your child off rewards
If you have used rewards such as sweets and stickers during training it can be difficult to stop giving them! One way is to only give the child a reward when he asks following a sucess on the potty. It also helps if you make the reward less appealing by making it more of an everyday thing - for example if you used stickers get you child a sticker activity book and help him fill it in over a few days.... you can then reduce the amount of sweets/stickers etc once they are no longer associated with the potty. You can also make it harder to get the reward.
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