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bumper stickers — jokes — home last changed 31 May 2007 some profanity is found on this page |
Constipated People
Don't Give A Shit.
Practice Safe Sex,
Go Screw Yourself.
If You Drink Don't Park,
Accidents Cause People.
Who Lit The Fuse
On Your Tampon?
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex,
Keep Your Mouth Shut.
Please Tell Your Pants,
Its Not Polite To Point.
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt,
Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
Thank You For Pot Smoking.
To All You Virgins:
Thanks For Nothing.
If At First You Don't Succeed...
Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
Impotence: Nature's Way Of
Saying "No Hard Feelings".
If You Can Read This,
I've Lost My Trailer.
Horn Broken...
Watch For Finger.
It's Not How You Pick Your Nose,
But Where You Put The Booger.
If You're Not A Hemorrhoid,
Get Off My Ass.
You're Just Jealous Because
The Voices Are Talking To Me.
The Earth Is Full
Go Home
I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
This Would Be Really Funny
If It Weren't Happening To Me
So Many Pedestrians
So Little Time
Cleverly Disguised
As A Responsible Adult
If We Quit Voting
Will They All Go Away?
The Face Is Familiar But
I Can't Quite Remember My Name
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off
Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost
But Miles From The Next Exit
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits
With An Unarmed Person
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
Where Are We Going And
Why Am I In This Handbasket?
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass...
Then You're Doing It Wrong.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
If You Can Read This
Please Flip Me Back Over.
[Seen Upside Down On A Jeep]
Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Are Also Timed For 70 mph.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service...
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
If Walking Is So Good For You,
Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To
Crack Open A Cold One.
Ax Me About Ebonics
Body By Nautilus;
Brain By Mattel
Boldly Going Nowhere
Caution: Driver Legally Blonde
Don't Be Sexist...
Bitches Hate That
Heart Attacks: God's Revenge For
Eating His Animal Friends.
Honk If You've Never Seen An
Uzi Fired From A Car Window
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down
Before He Admits He Is Lost?
If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance,
Riddle Them With Bullets.
Money Isn't Everything,
But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
My Hockey Mom Can
Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
Grow Your Own Dope
Plant a Man.
All Men Are Animals,
Some Just Make Better Pets.
Some people are only alive because
it's illegal to shoot them
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist
Isn't that precious.
I need someone really bad
Are you really bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
So many men,
So few who can afford me.
God made us sisters,
Prozac made us friends.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
How can I miss you
If you won't go away?
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
If They Don't Have Chocolate
In Heaven, I Ain't Goin
Coffee, Chocolate, Men...
Some things are just better rich.
If you want breakfast in bed,
Sleep in the kitchen.
Of course I don't look busy
I did it right the first time.
Do not start with me.
You will not win.
Guys have feelings too...
But, like... who cares?
You have the right to remain silent
So please shut up.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
If we are what we eat
I'm fast, cheap, and easy.
Next mood swing:
6 minutes.
Warning: I have an attitude
And I know how to use it.
I'm one of those bad things
that happens to good people.
Princess, having had sufficient experience
with Princes, seeks Frog.
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
I'm out of estrogen
and I have a gun.
If you can read this...
I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
Jesus loves you...
but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
Don't piss me off!
I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Jesus saves... They Pass It To Gretzky...
He Shoots... He scores!
Jesus is coming! Look busy!
You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT.
Save Your Breath...
You'll need it to blow up your date!
Forget world peace.
Visualize using your turn signal.
All men are idiots...
I married their king.
The more you complain,
the longer God makes you live.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff.
Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...
Back in five minutes.
Hang up and drive.
Smile, it's the second best thing
you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will...
I want to be in it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don't drink and drive...
You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry...
Then things get worse.
Friends help you move.
Real friends help you move bodies.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think,
and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids...
They will pick out your nursing home.
Always remember you're unique...
Just like everyone else.
Honk If You Want To See My Finger.
Your Child May be an Honor Student
But You're Still an Idiot.