walmart — jokes — home last changed 30 May 2007

Walmart

• Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
• Put M&M's on layaway.
• Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens.
• Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
• Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
• Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the rest rooms.
• Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
• Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
• When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
• Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you floss your teeth.
• Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
• Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
• While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
• Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest rooms.
• Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
• Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
• Sit on a chair and read a book for hours.
• Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
• When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
• If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much and ask if they'll put a little umbrella in it.
• Go into the dressing room and yell real loud..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"