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She Smiles — rants — home last changed 25 December 2007 |
I awoke.
I lay in silence for a while, letting my mind adjust to the confines of the waking world. I felt the warmth of the sheets wrapped around me. The air on my nose was cold and smelled faintly of maple syrup. The fan was humming calmly across the room. I was alone.
Sudden piercing sound announced the official arrival of the day. The incessant beeping mandated that I get up— at least to restore the peace. I wondered why I let my life be structured by alarms and reminders. So many priorities and stresses.
I opened the blinds and gazed out into the gray dawn. Green grass was shrouded in fog that sat casually in thin wisps. The cherry trees were in bloom.
She smiles. She has no name, and every name, but her face is happiness, and her voice is soothing. She laughs; silly daydream. A dream of her is more vivid than the reality around me.
I took a long shower. The hot water massaged my neck, and the atrophy of sleep melted away. Steam floated lazily past my eyes, and cold slithered between my ankles. I scrubbed away the beginnings of mildew on the window sill.
Breakfast was simple; a bowl of corn chex with whole milk. I ate slowly, savoring the crunch of the cereal and the chill of the milk. The spoon clinked against the ceramic bowl, and again against my teeth.
I strolled to work, taking in the damp air and the glimpses of warm bodies rushing to classes. How unlike them I was, unhurried, calm. The day would unfold. I could wait.
She smiles. Deep dancing eyes capture my gaze and set my imagination free. Her voice is clear and happy. She moves away gracefully, smiling back at me.
The hours passed. Commitments and priorities came and went. Someone laughed. I was thirsty. The birds hopped from branch to branch, begging us to savor the day.
Lunchtime almost passed unnoticed. I was the only person who honored it by leaving the building. The world was smiling brightly. The tall trees whispered snickering secrets in the breeze. I sat near a table of strangers and listened to their morning.
Class happened at the appointed time. A man who claimed to know something babbled about what he thought was important. Did he teach because somebody told him he was smart? Maybe he told himself. His arms moved about randomly for effect.
She smiles. Lifelong friend, wind in the sails, she's always at my side. I recall every time I've seen her, but I ache to see her again. I can almost see a halo on her long shimmering hair.
I found myself walking home. The remaining hours of the day were mine. I talked to friends. There never seemed to be enough time to spend with friends. I breathed deeply. Breathing was so enjoyable, I should have done it more often.
I saw a seed push the grass aside, grow upward and outward, flower, and return to the earth. The ground beneath me and the clouds above were equally real.
The world turned to orange and then to purple. I read every story I had ever written. I wrote every story I had ever read.
She smiles. She misses me.
When my eyes closed, I didn't know what time it was.
I slept.
Joel
Spring 2003