The Laws of Physics as Applied to Cats
(author unknown) Cat Stuff1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.7 - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop, that has anything remotely interesting on it.8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.10 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long.11 - Law of Obediance Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of napping.14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.19 - Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.21 - Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
A cats interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.24 - Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.25 - Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.26 - Law of Selective Listening
Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can't hear a simple command three feet away.27 - Law of Equidistant Separation
All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.28 - Law of Cat Invisibility
Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.29 - Law of Space-Time Continuum
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.30 - Law of Concentration of Mass
A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.31 - Law of Cat Probability (Cat's Uncertainty Principle)
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she "might" be.32 - Law of Cat Obedience
As yet undiscovered.
