Does Your Cat Own You?
(author unknown; added to by Glenda Moore)
- Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?
- Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?
- Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?
- Do you scoop out the litter box after each use? Do you wait at the box with the scoop in your hand?
- Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter?
- Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?
- Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?
- Do you kiss your cat on the lips?
- Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your spoon?
- Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat?
- Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it?
- Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?
- Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?
- Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat?
- Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?
- Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?
- Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse?
- Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa's lap? Does your cat sign the card?
- Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?
- Does your cat eat out of cut crystal stemware because you both watched the same commercial on television?
- Do you microwave your cat's food? Prepare it from scratch?
- Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so you won't disturb the sleeping cat?
- When you are preparing to leave for the day, do you seek out each cat and inform them of your anticipated return time?
- Do you sleep with no pillow under your head, because the cat wants to sleep on it?
- Do you stand at the computer because the cat is sleeping on the chair?
- Do you you make sure there's plenty of kitty litter in the house, even though you may run out of toilet paper?
- At the store, do you pick out the catfood before you pick out anything for yourself?
- Do you go to sleep sitting up in bed because you were reading and the cat is curled up on your lap asleep?
- Does it always take you longer than expected to read a magazine, because the cat keeps curling up on it while you're reading?
- Do you frequently leave your dresser drawer open when you leave for the day, because the cat jumped into one of them and is asleep in one of the drawers?
- Is the only comb you can find in the bathroom a flea comb?
- Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays?
- Does your cat "insist" on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelette made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout?
- Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children? (Pollsters claim that 40 percent of cat owners carry their pet's pictures in their wallets, by the way.)
- When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that they say a few words to your cat as well?
- Do you accept dates only with those who have a cat? If so, do you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along?
- When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them?
- Do you keep old, empty pizza boxes on the counter instead of throwing them away, because the cat likes to sleep in it?
Added 7/10/98:
- Do you have to replace your vacuum cleaner yearly because it's tightly clogged with cat fur?
- Do you have to shake your shoes each morning so you aren't walking around on kitty litter pebbles during the day?
- When you cook fried chicken, do you find yourself tempted to lock yourself in the bathroom so you can eat without all the cats staring at you?
- Does the grocery-store checker ask you "How many cats do you HAVE, anyway??"
- Is your vet bill higher than your doctor bill?
- Are all the books in your bookcase about cats?
- Are all your bookmarks to cat sites?
- Does your cat have its own web page or email address?
