Tissue's Funny Quotes and Thoughts



These are some quotes and thoughts I have collected

"Have you noticed...anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

-George Carlin

Don't keep a negative attitude, such as
"I will not succeed, I will not succeed."
Instead, keep a positive attitude:
"I WILL fail. I WILL fail."

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

I am not prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I do not suffer from insanity. I enjoy every waking moment of it.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I have not lost my mind...it is backed up on disc somewhere.

Common sense isn't so common.

O'kay who put the "stop payment" on my reality check?

Don't be so open minded, your brains might fall out.

Why do they call it a "building" It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it called a "built'?

All the kings HORSES and all the kings men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put humpty back together again. Just what did those idiots expect those horses to do, anyway?

"A smile happens in a flash, but the memory of it last a lifetime."

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worth while."

"Don't marry someone you can live with, Marry someone you can't live without"

What's another word for "thesaurus"?

If someone with multiple pesonalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

Out of my mind...be back in 5 minutes

Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill

Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl mistakes!

If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they get teflon to stick to the pan?

If the 7-11 is open 24hrs a day 365 days a year why is there locks on the doors?

Just Because You're Not Paranoid Doesn't Mean That They're Not Out To Get You.

"I have six lock on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long someone stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."

-Elain Boosler

I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

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