Well, I have decided to put down some of the funnier moments that I have had to handle in my career in Search and Rescue. I hope you like them. They are as true as I remember. Some were very frustrating, but they make a great story over a beer the next day.
I was at Calumet Harbor, Chicago one night when we received a cell phone call. First of all, I should state that I think cell phones on boats as the only means to communicate is a BAD idea! You can only let one person at a time know you are in distress. And that is only if they answer the phone. With a marine radio, you can let a whole lake know you need help and they can all come to your aid. If the distressed boater does not know where he is, we can track him down by using his radio signal. No can do with the cell phone. Anyway, we received a cell phone call from a guy and his wife on a 17ft open boat out on Lake Michigan. They have broken down and are in need of a tow. I started to ask the guy where he was and he didn't really know. The conversation really was a lot longer, but went something like this:
Ok, Sir where are you?
I am not sure, I am out on the lake.
OK, where were you last and what direction did you head when you left.
I was in Chicago harbor watching the fireworks and then we headed home.
Ok Sir, and where is your home?
I live in Indianapolis.
OK, And where did you launch your boat today? What marina?
You mean earlier?? It was Hammond I think.
You think? You are not sure?
It is the one with a ship in the harbor.
A white ship that is used like a restaurant??
Yes.
Ok, that is Hammond. (I should be a dentist, this is like pulling teeth!)
All right, and did you head south from Chicago?
I think so, I don't have a compass. Isn't Indiana south of Chicago?
Yes Sir, it is.
Then that is the way I went. (Pleased with himself)
Sir, When you left Chicago Harbor, was the land on your left or right side?
(confers with his wife) It was on the right side.
Ok, then you headed south. Did you follow the shore or head offshore a bit.
I am not sure, I headed out a bit. I went to the bright lights and figured that was good. (south shore of Lake Michigan is nothing but one huge industrial complex after another. The whole thing is a shoreline of "bright" lights.)
Sir, are your can you see any navigation aids? Lighthouses or buoys?
No, not at all.
What do you see?
I see lots of lights, and some trees, I think. But lots of lights. Oh and the moon, I see the moon. It is behind me and to the left.
Sir, the moon is behind and to the left of everyone tonight. Forget the moon and look at the shoreline please. Sir, do you have your navigation lights on and do you have a spotlight or flashlight on board?
No.
An anchor?
No.
Okay, I am going to ask you to use a flare to help us locate you.
I don't have a flare.
You DON'T have a flare?? (I was pulling out hair by now)
No, but I am beginning to wish that I did.
Yes Sir, it would be really helpful if you did have flares. That is why the Coast Guard requires boats to have them, for situations just like this. OK, we will start to search for you, but it could be a long time and I want you to be prepared. You may spend the whole night out there on the lake.
The WHOLE NIGHT?? Come on! My boat is 17 foot long! How hard can it be to see on a lake?…..
Eventually, I managed to get him to see a flashing light that I could also see and that helped pinpoint a starting point. We did locate him and towed him into safe harbor. His wife was non-too pleased with his seamanship. I would bet she NEVER lets him out on the big lake again!
