JIMMY

I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others...
a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's door I see
tears flowing from her eyes.

My mom tries to cope with death
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
it is her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom...
through Heaven's open door.
I try to tell her that angels
protect me forever more.

But I know that doesn't help her
or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
And show her that you care.

I'm An Angel Now
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

One night I cried to Jesus
as I sat beneath the tree.
I looked into the open sky
and hoped He'd answer me.
I'm lost, dear Lord, I've traveled far
but still I seem to roam.
Please light the way and lead me, Lord;
I need to get back home.
I told Him of my burdens
and of the sadness in my heart-
that from His gracious love
I'd never felt so far apart.
Why did you take my child, Lord?
I cannot understand!
No longer can I touch his face
or hold his sweet hand.
I'm angry Lord, I'm missing him.
I'm drowning in my sorrow.
Please help to heal my yesterday
and face each new tomorrow.
It was then I heard his gentle voice
and felt his presence near.
How I wanted so to hold him
as I cried another tear.
He said, "Mom, I'm an angel now,
my spirit will be free.
I'm an angel now in heaven,
so please don't cry for me.
I was chosen by our Lord above
and now I'm in His care.
When you need me, look inside your heart.
I promise to be there.
No one can ever take away
our bond with one another.
For I'll always be your precious child
as you will be my mother.
So if you cannot find your way
or the road to home seems far,
just look up to the Heavens
and I'll be your guiding star."
He said, "Mom, I'm an angel now,
My spirit will be free
I'm an angel now in Heaven-
no need to cry for me."

----author: unknown

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*

It looked like an ordinary, wooden door,
unique only in the fact that it had no knob.
As I saw him walking toward it,
my hands turned clammy with fear.
He must have seen the shadow across the door,
but carried on, undaunted.
Looking back over his shoulder,
he tossed me a small, wistful smile.
It was hauntingly familiar, that smile,
and strongly reminded me of another time
and another door.....
It was his first day of school,
and he had been childishly insistent
that I stay outside the classroom door.
I tried to argue, but he was firm:
"Go back,mommy," he said, "you cannot come with me.
I'm a big boy now, and I'm going to be just fine."
He was only five, but so fiercely independent.
Much too young to leave me, of course,
but I had to let him go.
As I stole a last, brief hug,
he smiled at me; a brave, wistful smile
that tugged at my heartstrings.
A moment later, the door swung shut behind him.
Against my better judgment,
I groped for the doorknob.
There was none.
It must be on the other side.
To discourage overprotective mothers from following,
I thought wryly to myself.
Standing hesitantly before the door,
my eyes were suddenly drawn to the tiny,
rectangular window near the top.
How could I have missed it?
Cupping my eye with a trembling hand,
I peered in.
It was a delightful room.
Large, colorful, animal and bird posters lined the walls.
The desks were shiny, blonde pine,
and blue nap mats were scattered across the floor.
In a far corner of the room,
open cupboards were laden with blocks and toys.
Along another wall,
sturdy oak shelves groaned beneath their burden
of brightly colored children's books.
My heart lightened.
I knew my child could be happy in that room.
To reassure myself,
I shifted my eye a fraction of an inch to expand my vision.
There he was,
his little hand firmly clasped in his teachers hand.
She steered him toward a group of noisy,laughing children,
and as I caught a glimpse of his eager, animated face,
I knew he was going to be fine;
just as he had said.
In time, he would undoubtedly welcome me to his classroom,
eager to show off his new friends
and share his newfound wisdom and knowledge.
In good time. I could wait......
now that I knew he was happy!
And now, another door without a knob.
Far more terrifying!
The wistful smile lingered in the air
as he walked through the door and out of sight.
It swung shut behind him with a final, dull thud.
He was only seventeen;
much too young to leave me, of course.
I lunged at the door, but it wouldn't budge.
I frantically groped for the knob;
then remembered there was none.
I was momentarily stunned,
but anger soon came to my rescue.
I began to hammer at the door with my fists.
The knob must be on the other side;
Someone was bound to hear me.
Nobody would keep me from my son. Nobody.
In what seemed like another lifetime,
I had read King David's chant in the Old Testament:
"I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me."
David had deeply mourned the loss of his child,
but took great comfort in the fact
that one day they would be together again.
I could not exist on this side of the door
if my child was on the other side;
therefore, I would go to him!
I would hammer my way in.
Bargain my way in. Weep my way in.
Whatever it took.
My knuckles became raw with effort,
but I welcomed the pain.
It was nothing compared to the pain I felt inside.
I would break down this door
if it took my last ounce of strength.
I continued to pound, to bargain,
to weep – without response.
All too soon,
I found myself slumped against the door,
physically and emotionally spent.
Wearily, I examined every inch of the door.
It was still impenetrable,
but in my anguish, I had overlooked the tiny,
rectangular window near the top.
Or, perhaps it hadn't been there before.
Whoever had created the door was surely capable
of adding a window whenever
He thought the time was right.
I straightened up,
and peered through the thick, opaque glass.
If it had been any thinner or clearer,
the light from within would surely have blinded me.
As my eyes adjusted,
I gaped in wonder.
Golden sunlight rippled through
a meadow of waving, blue flowers,
like the shimmering ebb and flow of ocean waves.
Walking toward me
without crushing a single petal
were two men dressed in white.
It wasn't difficult to ascertain
the identity of the One;
His entire Being was encompassed in brilliant,
white light.
Neither was it difficult to ascertain
the identity of the other,
for I would recognize my son anywhere.
But, oh! He was so changed.
Always handsome, he was now radiant; dazzling.
His eyes, almost as vividly brown
as the earth beneath his feet,
brimmed with love and compassion.
Stretching out his fingers
as though to brush away my tears,
he spoke with infinite tenderness:
"Go back, mom," he said gently,
"you can't come with me.
I'm a big boy now,
and I'm going to be just fine."
He turned away and firmly
clasped the hand of his beloved new Teacher.
Together, they disappeared
into the glorious, blue meadow.
I felt an indescribable peace descend upon my heart.
I knew my child could be happy in that place.
In time, he would undoubtedly welcome me
to his kingdom, eager to show off his new friends
and share his newfound wisdom and knowledge.
When the door without the knob would open for me.
In Gods time.
I could wait......
now that I knew he was happy!

-----author: unknown

After A While
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your feats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.
After a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure....
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn....
With every goodbye, you learn.

----author: Veronica A Shoffstall

In The Light
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A shadow of joy flickered; it is me.
I told you I wouldn't leave.
My spirit is with you.
My memories, my thoughts are imbedded deep in your heart.
I still love you.
Do not for one moment think that you have been abandoned.
I am in the Light.
In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard --
these are the places I stay with you.
My spirit rises every time you pray for me,
but my energy comes closer to you.
Love does not diminish, it grows stronger.
I am the feather that finds you in the yard,
the dimmed light that grows brighter in your mind,
I place our memories for you to see.
We lived in our special way,
a way that now has its focus changed.
I still crave your understanding
and long for the many words of prayer
and good fortune for my soul.
I am in the Light.
As you struggle to adjust without me, I watch silently.
Sometimes I summon up all the strength of my new world
to make you notice me.
Impressed by your grief,
I try to impress my love deeper into your consciousness.
As you should, I call out to the Heavens for help.
You should know that the fountain of youth does exist.
My soul is now healthy.
Your love sends me new found energy.
I am adjusting to this new world.
I am with you
I am in the Light.
Please don't feel bad that you can't see me.
I am with you wherever you go.
I protect you, just as you protected me so many times.
Talk to me and somehow I will find a way to answer you.
Mother, father, son or daughter it makes no difference.
Brother, sister, lover, husband or wife,
it makes no difference.
Whatever our connection-friend or even foe-
I see you with my new eyes.
I am learning to help wherever you are,
wherever I am needed.
This can be done because
I am in the Light.
When you feel despair, reach out to me.
I will come.
Our love for you truly does transcend from Heaven to Earth.
Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest that you had
when we were together in the physical sense.
You owe this to me, but more importantly,
you owe it to yourself.
Life continues for both of us.
I am with you because I love you
I am in the Light.....

----author: unknown

A Child's Angel
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Once upon a time
there was a child ready to be born.
So one day he asked God:
They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow
but how am I going to live there
being so small and helpless?
Among the many angels, I chose one for you.
She will be waiting for you
and will take care of you.
But tell me, here in Heaven,
I don't do anything else but sing and smile,
that's enough for me to be happy.
Your angel will sing for you
and will also smile for you every day.
And you will feel your angel's love and be happy.
And how am I going to be able to understand
when people talk to me,
if I don't know the language that men talk?
Your angel will tell you the most beautiful
and sweet words you will ever hear,
and with much patience and care,
your angel will teach you how to speak.
And what am I going to do
when I want to talk to you?
Your angel will place your hands together
and will teach you how to pray.
I've heard that on earth there are bad men.
Who will protect me?
Your angel will defend you
even if it means risking its life.
But I will always be sad
because I will not see you anymore.
Your angel will always talk to you about me
and will teach you the way
for you to come back to me,
even though I will always be next to you.
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven,
but voices from earth could already be heard,
and the child in a hurry asked softly:
Oh God, if I am about to leave now,
please tell me my angel's name
Your angel's name is of no importance,
you will call your angel: Mommy!

----author: unknown

And God Said
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I said, "God, I hurt."
And God said, I know."

I said, "God, I cry a lot."
And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."

I said, "God, I am so depressed."
And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine."

I said, "God, life is so hard."
And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones."

I said, "God, my loved one died."
And God said, "So did mine."

I said, "God, it is such a loss."
And God said, "I saw my son nailed to a cross."

I said, "God, but your loved one lives."
And God said, "So does yours."

I said, "God, where are they now?"
And God said, "Mine is on My right and yours is in the Light."

I said, "God, it hurts."
And God said, "I know."

Posted on the wall at the Oklahoma City bombing site
by K. C. and Myke Kuzmic
Stockton, CA

Remembering
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Go ahead and mention my child
My son, that died, you know
Don't worry about hurting me further
The depth of my pain doesn't show.

Don't worry about making me cry
I'm already crying inside
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.

I'm hurt when you just keep silent
Pretending he didn't exist
I'd rather you'd mention my child
Knowing that he has been missed.

You asked me how I'm doing,
I say,"pretty good" or "fine."
But healing is something on-going
I feel it will take a lifetime....

----author: Elizabeth Dent

We can not judge a biography by it's length
We must judge it by the richness of its contents....
Sometimes the "unfinished's" are among
the most beautiful of symphonies....