| Targets this page: Computer
T-Shirt Slogans Trouble-Shooting
Lost in Seattle Software Engineers
If GM Helpline "Remember When" Poem Use "back button" to return to this menu from jokes. |
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Solution: Too much air in circuit. (i.e., power cord not plugged in.) ------Author Unknown, contributed by Juice |
Lost in SeattleThe pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer." ---------Author Unknown [Email Trail, August, 1997]
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| OH THOSE ENGINEERS...
- Submitted by L. Andrews ----------------------------- Two software engineers were standing in the park. One had a new bike. The other said, "Nice bike. How much?" The first said, "It was free." The other asked, "Wow, how did you get it for free?" The one with the bike said, "Yesterday, a beautiful girl rode up on
this bike,
The other software engineer said, "Good move! Her clothes wouldn't
have fit
----------Email Trail, August, 1997 |
| General Motors doesn't have a "help line"
for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars the
way they buy computers, but imagine if they did.
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how
can I help you?"
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?" HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?" CUSTOMER: "I see an 'E' but no 'F'." HELPLINE: "You see the 'E' and just to the right is the 'F'. CUSTOMER: "No, just to the right of the first 'E' is a 'V'. HELPLINE: "A 'V'?!?" CUSTOMER: "Yeah, there's a 'C', an 'H', the first 'E', then a 'V', followed by 'R', 'O', 'L'...." HELPLINE: "No, no, no, sir! That's the front of the car. When you sit behind the steering wheel, that's the panel I'm talking about." CUSTOMER: "That steering wheel thingy--is that the round thing that honks the horn?" HELPLINE: "Yes, among other things." CUSTOMER: "The needle's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?" HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you." CUSTOMER: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!" HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!" HELPLINE: "What's wrong?" CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" HELPLINE: "What were you doing?" CUSTOMER: "I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed--and now it won't even start up!" HELPLINE: "I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if you misuse the product." CUSTOMER: "Misuse it? I was just following this manual of yours. It said to make the car go to put the transmission in 'D' and press the accelerator pedal. That's exactly what I did ***now the thing's crashed***." HELPLINE: "Did you read the entire operator's manual before operating the car, sir?" CUSTOMER: "What? Of course I did! I told you I did EVERYTHING the manual said and it didn't work!" HELPLINE: "Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't crash?" CUSTOMER: "How do you do THAT?" HELPLINE: "You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's on the page after the accelerator." CUSTOMER: "Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read this manual you know." HELPLINE: "Of course not. What do you expect us to do about it?" CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that goes fast and won't crash anymore!" HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks." HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?" HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?" HELPLINE: "Do you know how to DRIVE?" CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car." --------Author Unknown (Email Trail, August, 1997) |
Ancient calendar says there will be a big change on the earth December 22, 2012
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A computer was something on tv
---------Author Unknown (Email Trail, June, 1998) |
If you know the author/authors of any of the above works, please email me so that proper credit can be arranged. I, frankly, would be delighted to meet the person with the brain that created the GM Helpline. I think that it is great! But, then, I love all of these or they wouldn't be on this page, right?