First N.A. serial rights

Without the Factor

by J.M.MacLeod

Thump!

He slowly came to himself, well, nearly, as he tried to gather his thoughts and make sense of the rapid cascade of events he had just experienced into some sort of cohesive structure that could be assimilated.

It all started when-- funny, though it had only been a few seconds, it seemed like years since his vehicle careened off the highway and into the woods. He vaguely remembered chiding himself about not wearing his seatbelt as he emerged out the exterior side of the windscreen, yet there was no recollection of breaking glass or pain as he did so. And... who was that person left behind in the driver's seat? To the best of his knowledge, he had been alone in the car, yet, as he flew out the vehicle's window, he distinctly saw someone's slumped form jammed beneath the crumpling dashboard.

Then he had been sucked down (or was it up?) through a long dark tunnel. But, the tunnel, if that's what it really was, had no tangible walls, yet something was guiding him, keeping him from going off course. Then there was that light at the end of the tunnel, very far off at first, but his speed was so great that the distance was covered in practically no time, and he found himself sprawling headlong into that warm, glowing light.

But, it was not just light, it was a presence! In fact, it was a person! A wonderful, welcoming person that radiated such peace and love, that he thought it could only be but One. He basked in the glow of this being who held him in what he took for arms. Gradually he realized this marvelous being was searching him, probing, as if looking for something in particular. He couldn't care less, for this being, he knew, was incapable of harm.

"Wait here until your accounting is complete and registered," said the being.

He wanted to laugh hilariously, so full of mirth and joy was he, not to mention love, and...peace, and... truth.

A shadow crossed his thoughts. There was no longer any question about what, or rather, Who, truth was, now. He knew. But, according to faint recollections, wasn't some prior acknowledgement and commitment to that fact necessary? Yet, somehow he had made it to the realm of light, and not 'the other place'. How? Ah, what did it matter? He was here now, all he need do is enjoy. Peace and well-being swept over him again, filling him with gales of pleasure, the like of which were unknown on earth.

Was this not what he'd been searching for all his life? All those vain thrills he'd pursued during his life were now seen as cheap, shallow imitations of this inexpressible feeling. What a fool he'd been to waste so much precious time, he could have enjoyed the beginnings of such pleasures while still in his life. This, and not the other, was what he'd truly wanted.

"Yes, your records are complete. You are to advance to your next station," said the being of light, interrupting a high emotional tide.

"You, you mean there's more?" The possibilities overwhelmed him. An eternity of more! It was------ staggering. "Wow! I never thought it would be-- that I was-- that You--."

"Oh, I'm not."

"You're not! But I sense..."

"I am just a minor radiation of Him. It's a common mistake all of you without the Factor make. Now you are to advance to your next station, where more will be explained, if you so wish." There was a finality in his tone that made further interogation out of the question.

It was instantly dark all about him, and he had a sensation of falling. There was also an odor, not unlike the smell following a rifle discharge on a frosty morning. Gone was the being of light, and the joyous emotions his presence evoked. The shadow that had previously crossed his thoughts loomed again as a more significant specter, occupying a greater portion of his fears and beliefs than he wanted. But, he decided to be optimistic.

Time was distorted; had he been falling for days, or merely minutes? He had noted his progress was no longer guided by some ethereal tunnel, but, rather, he was in a state of free-fall, heading to his next station. The fleeting memory of the last glorious station remained strong, and comforted him. He was sure the next station was going to be just as glorious, if not more so. He clung to that hope, else his sense of loss have would been so keen, it might undo him, if that were possible. To have tasted such marvels and then have them denied, even for a short time, would be the essence of cruelty.

But, when would this interminable tumbling end? He was anxious to get to the next station and get on with enjoying the glory of that place. Then the shadow arose with a new twist; what if it was a mistake, that he had somehow been misplaced? Lost!

He remembered accurately, short as the time had been, the being of light who was but a minor radiation of Him, and now he knew beyond all shadow of doubts the knowledge He emanated, and that such thing as a mistake was impossible. He was all Truth and Knowledge itself, He could never forget! So, as he continued tumbling, he tried to comfort himself that he had been good enough, and He wouldn't forget. It would all work out. Funny, though separated from his tangible body, he still existed, and was yet aware of his existence. He was also aware of sensations and longings-- especially a longing to arrive at his next station and re-unite with the light, and the radiance of the Being that was that light. Now he knew that He was all that mattered, the source of light, love, peace and joy.

Far, far below in the ubiquitous darkness, his attention was drawn to two lighted, suspended land masses. They were separated by a chasm, and there was no bridge between. The first land mass looked the most refreshing by far, but was devoid of any presences. There was a dim light there, but it was more a promise of light than actual light. There had been beings there, once upon a time, or so it seemed, for it had the feel of a place once inhabited. Where had they all gone? There was no evident avenue of escape, so how they had gone was as great a mystery as where.

Perhaps, he mused, the stations of greater glory are preferred over stations of inconsequential glory such as that one, if that's what it was.

The second land mass puzzled him even more, for it was extremely crowded, even over-crowded, yet as he watched, more beings (could they be called people?) were ushered into the already brimming place. But that was not the most amazing thing. Most amazing was the obvious lack of both good light and pleasure. He had always assumed that there would be no lack of pleasures in the 'good place', and his meeting with the being of light only confirmed that. Well, maybe people needed a break from incessant glory once in a while, just to renew a keener appreciation of what was to be enjoyed,a sort of cleansing the pallate with a bitter beverage to better enjoy the next part of the feast. Although that was hard to believe. But, after a couple thousand years, who knew? A place like the one he was passing would certainly make one ready to re-enter the glory. Was the other place, the first one he overflew for the same purpose? If so, it's lack of visitors bespoke its inadequacy. He would try to remember to ask at the next station.

Then he approached and overflew another, smaller land mass, that seemed to be the source of the burning cordite and gunpowder odor he had been smelling since leaving the first station. This was a sealed place. How he knew, he didn't know, but he knew it was sealed. Inside were beings tormented with nearly invisible flames, and there was no relief. He passed very near, against his will, and got a much closer look than he desired. People were hitting and pushing each other, as if trying to displace each other out of what they assumed was a less intolerable spot. The shoving and hostility was continuous, as was verbal assault, though because the place was sealed, he could not actually hear the cries and shouts of anguish. Some even bit others, increasing their agony. Then he read the name of the place, for it was erected as if on a sign for all those passing by to read. It bore the names of two cities-- twin cities that once abode side by side, and were destroyed together. It had a sobering effect. But, the place was sealed. No one could be added to their tortured number, just as none of them could ever escape. Not ever!

It was then that he landed, or rather 'thumped', losing all concentration for a moment. He hadn't even seen the landing coming, he just thumped.

"Uh, where am I?"

Another being of light was there to answer, "Your second station."

"But, this is so different. This is nothing like what I was expecting. It's worse, far, far worse. Why?"

"You don't know?"

"Should I?"

The being paused to examine a scroll-like list. "It states here, that you have resisted receiving the Factor no less than seventeen times. Twice you were nearly persuaded, but each time, at the last minute, you put it off."

"Yeah, so?"

"Without the Factor, you are disqualified."

"Disqualified! From what? What is all this talk about the Factor, anyway?"

"It will do you no good to find out now, it is too late. It can never be applied to your account after embarkation. In fact, the last chance you had to receive the Factor, you abused and taunted the offerer."

"Well, how serious is that? After all, I made it here, didn't I?"

"Umm, you made it here, didn't you?"

"So, when do I get to re-enter the glory? I really don't care too much for this station."

"No, I don't suppose you do."

"No offense."

"None taken. I am assigned here for a certain number of orientations, and then, after that, a rest. I will receive a new assignment, never to serve here again. So, you see, no personal meanings are attached to what I do here."

"Tell me your name, I'll see you get a good recommendation."

"That will hardly be necessary. And, my name is beyond your comprehension. Besides, hadn't you better concern yourself with your own name."

My name! Why I know my own---"

Everything from his former life had almost faded away, as if no longer important. Like a dream upon waking, he could only recall disjointed segments of his past life. "I-I don't even recall the name I used." Panic and trembling convulsed him. Everything since his previous life was becoming indelibly impressed; especially the fact that he had rejected the Factor, and now it was too late. "I remember my station wagon flipping over and over; coming out through the windscreen; going down a tunnel to the light station; falling; passing some perfectly awful places along the way. Oh my Go---"

"You are not allowed the use of that name any more."

"I can't remember who I am, or was. All I can remember is this existence, if this is being at all, which seems more and more in doubt."

"Ahh, now you question such things, too little, too late. Instead of longing for the light and life, better you should consider why you are here, and preapre yourself."

"But, I thought the good place was full of light and life."

"It is."

"But, then...."

The being was officious as he said, "Your name will be returned to you, as will a full transcript of your deeds, words and thoughts. You will also receive a fully equipped, highly sensitive body, much like the one you used to inhabit, to which you will be permanently affixed."

"No, wait a minute, this isn't what I want. I want the light and glory, not this."

"Too late. Only those with the Factor can be sent to the Ascending Glories. Unless you already have the Factor when you exit, you cannot remain in the light. You rejected the Factor in your previous life when you rejected the light. Now you receive what you chose."

Understanding dawned. "The Factor, was, was that? I didn't know. This isn't fair! Had I known the consequences, I'm certain I'd have accepted the Factor. It's not fair to make such a lasting condition be determined by whether or not I responded to some seemingly unimportant, unrelated incident that happened so long before I was born."

"And does is still seem so unimportant?"

"No! Of course not! I see now that it is the most important part of life, but, that's my point. It's not fair to have so much riding on something that seems so insignificant. How are people supposed to know?"

"Twice you knew, but resisted, choosing otherwise."

"How do I know that that's true? My memories have been removed."

"They'll be returned at the Adjudication, and will remain with you forever."

"Sure, so I can be sentenced without preparing a proper defense."

"There will be no possible defense. Do you not remember how exhilarated you felt at the release of yourself into the ethereal realm after living locked up in your three-dimensional body all your life? Remember the joy you felt coming to a joyous emanation of Him? And you weren't even near His true splendor. His love radiates throughout all His creation, except in these regions. Do you not recall the fullness and certainty of truth in that realm's glory? No, there will be no defiant utterance of any supposed defense. It would die before it passed your lips under His dreadful gaze. No lies can live in that light. He that Adjudicates is Faithful, Just and True."

"But, if He is all love, how can He allow this?"

"This is for those who have refused His love, by refusing His Factor."

"He is the Factor?"

"The price of blood He paid."

"And you are quite sure that I rejected--."

"Quite sure."

"If I'm not going to the 'good place', how was it that I enjoyed such a pure sense of freedom, and thrilled in the glory of the joy at the first station? Wasn't that part of the 'good place'?"

"Oh no! That was neither here nor there. That was simply embarkation."

"But, the euphoria?"

"Release from your three-dimensional body into the love-light of His radiance, that is all."

"Release! How could that affect me so?"

"When your life began, you were sealed inside a body that was under the influence of corruption. Your eternal self was isolated, covered from His glorious emanations, so all input was limited to your sensory organs, which could only perceive shadows of the true glory. Nonetheless, you were created in His image, and thus had a longing to be free of your confinements and enjoy the glories. But you misunderstood freedom, thinking freedom was doing as you desired; you forsook the light and the Factor, believing them to be too confining, and instead, sought after the easy ways of darkness, as did most of your race. The light, which is what you were really seeking became more alien to you as you imitated darkness. Upon the expiration of your body, you were released into the glories and truth that inundate His creation. Since that was what you had been unconsciously seeking all your life, you mistakenly assumed the first station of embarkation was his dwelling, for it was so much more than you knew in your days of isolation."

He pondered the answer for a while, then asked, along a different vein, "Was I very unworthy?"

"That depends on whose standard you use."

"I'm afraid to know the options."

"By your peers standards, you were not very unworthy. In fact, they respected you."

"Does that count for anything?"

"Nothing."

"Then... there is only one standard that counts?"

"Correct."

"But I could never have matched that standard!"

"Hence the need of the Factor. When applied to a person's account, the Factor makes up for all deficiencies, through no merit of the person's. The life is in the blood, therefore, His blood would have supplied His standard to your account."

"And I... refused. I am forfeit."

The being of light remained silent.

"Is there any hope of ever leaving these regions of despair and rejoining the glory?"

"None. You perished without the Factor. It is given unto men once to die, and after that, the Adjudication."

He sighed. Oh that he could find his way back to the point of embarkation. Even there, eternity would be enjoyable. "Where is my next station?"

"On your way here, you passed it."

"The crowded place, where more and more people keep getting added, and they are all hostile to each other?"

"The same. It's only temporary, though."

"Oh? For how long?"

"Until the Adjudication."

"And, will that take long to come to pass?"

"Not now. It will be very short. But, to you, it will seem eons."

"And then?"

"You saw the twin cities?"

"With the invisible flames? But, they were sealed. Besides I wasn't nearly that bad."

"Their story and punishment was a warning for all in the previous life. Here they represent what awaits all who have refused the Factor."

Oh, why had he refused the Factor? Surely he must have known life was more than pursuit of pleasure and serving self. If he had only known the consequences.... "You say I'll remember: who I was, why I made certain decisions, friends, things like that?"

"Your memories will only add to your suffering, which will be great."

Despair deeper than any he had ever known settled over him. Not only was there no hope of glory and joy, but eternal doom beckoned, from which there would be no respite. "Tell me no more."

Instantly he was tumbling again, deeper and deeper into the darkness. He was lost. Forever, irrevocably, lost.

A doorway opened, and he tumbled through. The first thing he felt was scorching heat. Voices cursed at him, hands and feet buffeted him, teeth bit into him, and he, striking back feebly, began his agony.