SYMPTOMS: Notepapers stuffed in pockets and files; heart palpitations at the sight of gravestones and old trunks filled with letter; bloodshot eyes from excessive microfilm exposure; erratic speech patterns punctuated with pilgrims and princes; cold sweat upon the arrival of the daily mail.
Courtesy of: Gibbs Publishing Company Napoleon, Ohio
P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, "Oh, I do it all the time. No matter where I am - in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement - I ask myself, Now, what am I here after?"
I am writing of my Will Mineselluf that dam lawyer want he should have too much money, he asked to many answers about the family. First thing I want I don’t want my brother Oscar have a dam ting what I got. He done me out of Forty Dollars fourteen years since.
I want it that Hilda my sister she gets the North Sixties Arkers of where I am homing it now. I bet she don’t get that loafer husband of hers to broke twenty Akers next plowing time. She cant have it if she lets Oscar live on it I want it I should have it back if she does.
Tell Momma that Six Hundred Dollars she been looking for for twenty years is berried from the backhouse behind about ten feet down. She better let little Frederick do the digging and count when he comes up.
Pastor Lucknitz can have Three Hundred Dollars if he kiss the Book he wont preach no more dumsad polotiks. He should have a roof p[ut on the meetinghouse with it and the Elders should the Bills look at.
Momma the rest should get but I want it what Adolph should tell her what not she do so no slick Irishers sell her vakum cleaners. Dey noise like hell and a broom don’t cost so much.
I want it that mine brother Adolph should be my Eyecutor and I want it that the Jedge make Adolph plenty bond put up and watch him like hell.
Adolph is a good business man but only a dumkoph would trust him with a busted pfenning. I want dam sure that schlemic Oscar don’t nothing get. Tell Adolph he can have a Hundred Dollars if he prove to Jedge Oscar don’t get nothing. That dam sure fix Oscar.
Courtesy of: This old Tennessee will was found in Tennessee’s Archives by the Executive Director of the Tennessee County Services Association and printed in the Tri-State Trader magazine in 1971. It was reprinted in the Alleghany Historical-Genealogical Society journal in September of 1992
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband." Courtesy of: Jokes,Just Jokes
A grandfather and granddaugher were sitting and talking when the young girl asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately." Humor Digest
The sink is filled with dishes, the silverware turned green, The sloppy bed turns a roach's head, he runs away and screams. And underneath the newspapers, if you will give a tug, You'll shockingly discover, your floor DOES have a rug. If you go into the living room, he careful all aound, It's safe enough to stand right still, but heavens don't sit down. The place has gotten out of hand, I couldn't keep it neat. But there's rejoicing in a far-off-place. Great Grandfather's RECORDS ARE COMPLETE!
Anonymous Courtesy of: Boone Co. GS 17:2 via Anestor's Unlimited, via Napa Valley G&BS Wine Press, 21:9
Mr. Staley stirred. Having heard every word, he thought it was time to set the record straight. "Children," he said, "I've never told you this and never wanted to, but I can't go to my final resting place with this burden. My darling children, your mother and I were never married."
His oldest son was aghast. "You mean we're....." Mr. Staley said, "Yup. And cheap ones too!"
Who are you that lived so long ago, what were your hopes and dreams,your pain and strivings unfulfilled,your sacrifices made with courage. Did, really, your cup runneth over,so that little I, little I, might have a life with goodness and plenty unbounded.
Might that I can in some little way,add my drop of sweat, glistening,to even the way for my sons and their daughters, to survive in this world with their right to be free.
Did you reach for the very stars that shone in your evening sky, or did you touch the valley that lay so very deep inside your breasts. Was peace so far to reach, or did fears and tremblings surround you everywhere. Your labors, were they happy ones to give man that reason for being. The fruits of your work,did they quicken your spirit, or did they heighten your soul,as well as your cupboards and granaries.
Why is it that I wonder about you,Do I feel you in my bones, and wish to know you dearer and better. Of this I am most certain, You have passed away, o'er distant horizons, to peaceful rest, but you shall never, never be unknown.
Courtesy of: Allan Hins, written in October of l986:
My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and where we were going. She insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less--not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy's pants. Can you imagine someone actualy hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now you can begin to see how mean she really was.
We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends? The worst is yet to come. We had to be in bed by nine each night and up at eight the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes,make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.
She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did. By the time we were teen-agers, she was much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girlfriend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I'd had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is, if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year.
Through the years, things didn't improve a bit. We could not lie in bed, "sick" like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends'report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks.
As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out.
My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You're right, our mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did. She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults. Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my children call me mean.
Poor Grandpa does the cooking and now, or so he states, That worst of all, he has to wash the cups and dinner plates. Grandma can’t be bothered, she’s busy as a bee, Compiling genealogy—for the Family Tree.
She has no time to baby-sit, the curtains are a fright. No buttons left on Grandpa’s shirt, the flower bed’s a sight. She’s given up her club work, and the serials on TV, The only thing she does nowadays is climb the Family Tree.
She goes down to the courthouse and studies ancient lore, We know more about our forebears than we ever knew before. The books are old and dusty, they make poor Grandma sneeze, A minor irritation when you’re climbing Family Trees.
The mail is all for Grandma, it comes from near and far, Last week she got the proof she needs to join the DAR, A worthwhile avocation, to that we all agree, A monumental project, to climb the Family Tree.
Now some folks came from Scotland and some from Galway Bay, Some were French as pastry, some German, all the way. Some went on west to stake their claim, some stayed by the sea, Grandma hopes to find them all as she climbs the Family Tree.
She wanders through the graveyard in search of date or name, The rich, the poor, the in between, all sleeping there the same. She pauses now and then to rest, fanned by a gentle breeze, That blows above the Fathers of all our Family Trees.
There were pioneer and patriots mixed in our kith and kin, Who blazed the paths of wilderness and fought through thick and thin. But none more staunch than Grandma, whose eyes light up with glee, Each time she finds a missing branch for the Family Tree.
Their skills were wide and varied, from carpenter to cook, And on (Alas!) the recork shows was hopelessly a crook. Blacksmith, weaver, farmer, judge, some tutored for a fee, Long lost in time, now all recorded on the Family Tree. To some it’s just a hobby, to Grandma it’s much more, She knows the joys and heartaches of those who went before. They loved, they lost, they laughed, they wept, and now for you and me, They live again in spirit, around the Family Tree.
At last she’s nearly finished and we are each exposed. Life will be the same again, this we all supposed! Grandma will cook and sew, serve cookies with our tea. We’ll all be fat, just as before that wretched Family Tree.
Sad to relate, the Preacher called and visited for a spell, We talked about the Gospel, and other things as well, The heathen folk, the poor and then—t’was fate, it had to be, Somehow the conversation turned to Grandma and the Family Tree.
We tried to change the subject, we talked of everthing, But then in Grandma’s voice we heard that old familiar ring. She told him all about the past and soon was plain to see, The preacher too, was nearly snared by Grandma and the Family Tree.
He never knew his Grandpa, his mother’s name was...Clark? He and Grandma talked and talked, outside it grew quite dark. We’d hoped our fears were groundless, but just like some disease, Grandma’s become and addict—she’s hooked on Family Trees!
Our souls were filled with sorrow, our hearts sank with dismay, Our ears could scarce believe the words we hear our Grandma say, “It sure is a lucky thing that you have come to me, I know exactly how it’s done, I’ll climb you Family Tree!” Courtesy of: GenHumor Mailing List
It was fair the day you got it, and a worthy name you bear. When he took it from his father, there was no dishonor there. Through the years he proudly wore it, to his father he was true, And that name was clean and spotless when he passed it on to you. Oh, there’s much that he has given that he values not at all.
He has watched you break your playthings in the days when you were small. You have lost the knife he gave you and your’ve scattered many a game. But you’ll never hurt your father if your’re careful with his name.
It is yours to wear forever, yours to wear the while you live. Yours, perhaps, some distant morning, to another boy to give. And you’ll smile that all can share. If a clean name and a good name you are giving him to wear.
Continual complaint as to need for names, dates & places. Patient has blank expression, is sometimes deaf to spouse and children. Has no taste for work of any kind, except feverishly looking through records at libraries and courthouses. Has compulsions to write letters. Swears at mailman when he does not leave any mail. Frequents strange places such as cemeteries, ruins, remote-desolate areas. Makes secret phone calls at night. Hides phone bills from spouse and mumbles to self. Has strange, faraway look in eyes.
TREATMENT: Medication is useless. Disease is not fatal but gets progressively worse. Patient should attend genealogy workshops, subscribe to genealogical magazines and be given a quiet corner in the house where he/she can be alone. Extra warning enclosed: The disease is contagious. Anonymous
Courtesy of: Cumberland Chronicles,Cumberland Co., Gen. Soc. Newsletter, Vol XIII No 3, Sept 1996
The family is like a book The children are the leaves, The parents are the covers The protecting beauty gives.
At first the pages of the book But time soon writeth memories And painteth pictures there.
Love is the little golden clasp That bindeth up the trust; Oh, break it not, lest all the leaves Should scatter and be lost.
Like many families, I'm sure, father would meet a complaint or balky chore with "When I was your age..."
Apparently he was raised on a farm, and miling the cows was his job alone, to be done early each morning before school: "... I would have to get up and milk the cows..." Woe be us if we speculated on how we were to travel to school: ..."there were no school buses, and I had to walk..." Even in the winter: ..."through snowdrifts..."
As the years passed, the herd got larger, the hour earlier, the school further away, the snow deeper. We never understood how it could be uphill in both directions, thought.
Courtesy of: Tuolumbe Co, GS NL Jan/Feb 95
Courtesy of: Edgar Guest
A genealogist must have the patience of jog; the curiosity of a cat; be blessed with the luck of the Irish and have the ability and stamina of a camel to go long hours without food or drink! Courtesy of: Odom Family Tree, Dec 94/Jan 95
1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. 2. Your back goes out more than you do. 3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in; no matter who walks into the room. 4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car. 5. You are proud of your lawn mower. 6. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. 7. You sing along with the elevator music. 8. You would rather go to work than stay home sick. 9. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline. 10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 11. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. 12. You make an appointment to see the dentist. 13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 14. Neighbors borrow your tools. 15. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you ?" 16. You have a dream about prunes. 17. You answer a question with, "because I said so!" 18. You send money to PBS. 19. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. 20. You take a metal detector to the beach. 21. You wear black socks with sandals. 22. You know what the word "equity" means. 23. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television. 24. Your ears are hairier than your head. 25. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn. 26. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. 27. You got cable for the weather channel (aka Old Folks MTV). 28. You can go bowling without drinking. 29. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 30. Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws. Courtesy of: Gary Richter
1. The keeper of the vital records you need will just have been insulted by another genealogist. Your great-grandfather's obituary states that he died, leaving no issue of record.
2. The town clerk you wrote to in desperation, and finally convinced to give you the information you need, can't write legibly, and doesn't have a copying machine.
3. That ancient photograph of four relatives, one of whom is your progenitor,carries the names of the other three.
4. Copies of old newspapers have holes which occur only on maiden names.
5. No one in your family tree ever did anything noteworthy, always rented property, was never sued, and was never named in wills.
6. You learned that Great aunt Matilda's executor just sold her life's collection of family genealogical materials to a flea market dealer "somewhere in New York City."
7. Yours is the ONLY last name not found among the three billion in the world famous Mormon archives in Salt Lake City.
8. Ink fades and paper deteriorates at a rate inversely proportional to the value of the data recorded.
9. The critical link in your family tree is named "Smith." Courtesy of: GenHumor Mailing List
9. You've never met any of the people you send e-mail to, even though you're related.
8. You can recite your lineage back 8 generations, but can't remember your nephew's name.
7. You have more photographs of dead people than living ones.
6. You've ever taken a tape recorder and/or notebook to a family reunion.
5. You've not only read the latest GEDCOM standard, you understand it!
4. The local genealogy society borrows books from you!
3. The only film you've seen in the last year was the 1880 census index.
2. More than half of your CD collection is made up of marriage records or pedigrees.
1. Your elusive ancestor has been spotted in more different places than Elvis!
But don't you meet some interesting friends?
Courtesy of: Patti Woodard
The woman was tired, with lines on her face, and wisps of brown hair she'd tucked back into place. She gave him some water....as they sat at the table, and she answered his questions....the best she was able. He asked he of children, Yes, she had quite a few-- the oldest was twenty, the youngest not two.
She held up a toddler with cheeks round and red; "His sister," she whispered, "is napping in bed." She noted each person who lived there with pride, and she felt the faint stirrings of the wee one inside. He noted the sex, the color, the age... the marks from the quill soon filled up the page.
At the number of children, she nodded her head, and saw her lips quiver for the three that were dead. The places of birth she "never forgot," was it Kansas? or Utah? or Oregon?.... or not? They came from Scotland. Of that she was clear. But she wasn't quite sure just how long they'd been here.
They spoke of employment, of schooling and such. They could read some, and write some....though really not much. When the questions were answered, his job there was done, so he mounted his horse and he rode toward the sun. We can almost imagine his voice loud and clear, "May God bless you all for another ten years."
Now picture a time warp....it's now you and me, as we search for the people on our family tree. We squint at the census and scroll down so slow, as we search for that entry from long, long ago. Could they only imagine on that long ago day, that the entries they made would affect us this way?
If they knew, they would wonder at the yearning we feel, and the searching that makes them so increasingly real. We can hear if we listen, the words they impart, through their blood in our veins, and their voice in our heart
"Author Unknown"
One Sunday morning Bill burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Sue.
After dinner, Bill's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Sue is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."
Bill was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, Bill. I'm awfully sorry about this."
Bill was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."
His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says,dear. He's not really your father."
Family ties are precious things Woven through the years Of memories of togetherness... Of laughter, love and tears. Family ties are cherished things Forged in childhood days By love of parents, deep and true, And sweet familiar ways. Family ties are treasured things, And far though we may roam, The tender bonds with those we love Still pull our hearts toward home.
Courtesy of: Virginia Blanck
I started out calmly, tracing my tree, To find if I could find the makings of me. And all that I had was Great Grandfather's name, Not knowing his wife or from where he came.
I chased him across a long line of states, Anmd came up with pages and pages of dates. When all put together, it made me frown, Proved poor Great Grandpa had never been born.
One day I was sure the truth I had found, Determined to turn this whole thing upside down. I looked up the record of one Uncle John, But then found the old man to be younger than his son.
Then when my hopes were fast growing dim, I came across records that must have been him. The facts I collected made me quite sad, Dear Old Great Grandfather was never a Dad.
I think someone is pulling my leg, I'm not at all sure I wasn't hatched from an egg. After hundreds of dollars I've spent on my tree, I can't help but wonder if I'm really me.
I chased him across a long line of states, Anmd came up with pages and pages of dates. I can't help but wonder if I'm really me.
They think that I should cook and clean, and be a model wife. I tell them it's more interesting to study Grandpa's life. They simply do not understand why I hate to go to bed . . . I'd rather do two hundred years of research work instead. Why waste the time we have on earth just snoring and asleep? When we can learn of ancestors that sailed upon the deep? We have Priests, Rabbis, lawmen, soldiers,more than just a few. And yes, there's many scoundrels,and a bootlegger or two. How can a person find this life an awful drudge or bore? When we can live the lives of all those folks who came before? A hundred years from now of course,no one will ever know Whether I did laundry, but they'll see our Tree and glow . . . 'Cause their dear old granny left for them,for all posterity, not clean hankies and the like, but a finished family tree. My home may be untidy, 'cause I've better things to do . . . I'm checking all the records to provide us with a clue. Old great granny's pulling roots and branches out with glee, Her clothes ain't hanging out to dry,she's hung up on the Tree.
You're the only person in the bridge/poker club who knows what a Soundex is.
Some of your best friends live over 200 miles away.
You have more pictures of tombstones than of the kids.
"I need a little help at the courthouse" means forget the cleaning,washing, dinner, chores; the day is shot.
The mailman can't believe you get this much mail from someone you don't know.
You explain to Mom why you can't go 25 miles for Sunday dinner, but can go 100 miles to check out another cemetery.
"As soon as I check this census record, I'll fix the leaky faucet" means "call the plumber."
You get home from a trip to an out-of-state courthouse with the kids needing scrubbing, car needing fixing, and clothes needing washing to find the housework, bills and lawnmower to greet you.
Your neighbors think you're crazy, your friends wonder, and you know you are.
Despite it all, even you are a little anxious for the next family reunion.
Courtesy of: Mid-Michigan Gen. Soc. Newsletter, Spring 1991. "Author Unknown"
YOU 2 parents 4 grandparents 8 great grandparents 16 gg grandparents 32 ggg grandparents 64 gggg grandparents 128 ggggg grandparents 256 gggggg grandparents 512 ggggggg grandparents 1,024 gggggggg grandparents 2,048 ggggggggg grandparents 4,096 gggggggggg grandparents 8,192 ggggggggggg grandparents 16,384 gggggggggggg grandparents 32,768 ggggggggggggg grandparents 65,536 gggggggggggggg grandparents 131,072 ggggggggggggggg grandparents 262,144 gggggggggggggggg grandparents 524,288 ggggggggggggggggg grandparents 1,048,576 gggggggggggggggggg grandparents 2,097,152 ggggggggggggggggggg grandparents 4,194,304 gggggggggggggggggggg grandparents ============================================== 8,388,606 Ancestors to 20 Great Grandparents [this is only DIRECT lineage, accounting for no other folks......how close are YOU?]
Your tombstone stands among the rest; Neglected and alone. The name and date are chiseled out On polished, marbled stone. It reaches out to all who care It is too late to mourn. You did not know that I exist You died and I was born. Yet each of us are cells of you In flesh, in blood, in bone. Our blood contracts and beats a pulse Entirely not our own. Dear Ancestor, the place you filled One hundred years ago Spreads out among the ones you left Who would have loved you so. I wonder if you lived and loved, I wonder if you knew That someday I would find this spot, And come to visit you.
* No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. * When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. * If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. * Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato. * You can't trust dogs to watch your food. * Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot. * Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. * Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. * School lunches stick to the wall. * You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. * The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's LAP.
Courtesy of: Nola Phagan
1. I want ancestors with names like Rudimentary Montagnard or Melchizenick von Steubenhoffmannschild or Spetznatz afortoni, not William Brown or John Hunter or Mary Abbott.
2. I want ancestors who could read and write, had their children baptized in recognized houses of worship, went to school, purchased land, left detailed wills (naming a huge extended family as legatees), had their photographs taken once a year -- subsequently putting said pictures in elaborate isinglass frames annotated with calligraphic inscriptions, and carved voluble and informative inscriptions in their headstones.
3. I want relatives who managed to bury their predecessors in established,still-extant (and indexed) cemeteries.
4. I want family members who wrote memoirs, who enlisted in the military as officers and who served in strategically important (and well documented) skirmishes.
5. I want relatives who served as councilmen, schoolteachers, county clerks and town historians.
6. I want relatives who `religiously' wrote in the family Bible, journaling every little event and detailing the familial relationship of every visitor.
7. In the case of immigrant progenitors, I want them to have arrived only in those years wherein passenger lists were indexed by National Archives, and I want them to have applied for citizenship, and to have done so only in those jurisdictions which have since established indices.
8. I want relatives who were patriotic and clubby, who joined every patrimonial society they could find, who kept diaries, and listed all their addresses, who had paintings made of their houses, and who dated every piece of paper they touched. 9. I want forebears who were wealthy enough to afford, and to keep for generations, the tribal homestead, and who left all the aforementioned pictures and diaries and journals intact in the library.
10. But most of all, I want relatives I can FIND!!!
Author - Barbara A. Brown August 1998 IIGS Newsletter http://www.iigs.org/newsletter/9808news/index.htm.en
When you came into the world, she held you in her arms. You thanked her by wailing like a banshee.
When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you. You thanked her by crying all night long.
When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk. You thanked her by running away when she called.
When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love. You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.
When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.
When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays. You thanked her by plopping into the nearest pile of mud.
When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school.You thanked her by screaming, "I'M NOT GOING!"
When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball. You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor's window.
When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastics to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
Those teenage years
When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
Growing old and gray
When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus, carried your bags.You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone. You thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business."
When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future. You thanked her by saying, "I don't want to be like you."
When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation. You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.
When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment. You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.
When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about your plans for the future. You thanked her by glaring and growling,"Muuhh-ther, please!"
When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you. You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.
When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby. You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now."
When you were 40, she called to remind you of an relative's birthday. You thanked her by saying you were "really busy right now."
When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, she quietly d