The Excellent Wife

Lesson 19

"Christ --The Wife's Heart" Part Three

The following is a summary adaptation of material from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. Used by permission.

This is the third and final series on the subject of "Christ, The Wife's Heart."

In our last lesson we learned that Christ should be the wife's motivation in her marriage. What she does should be because she wants to reflect the heart of Christ.

We also discussed the importance of the wife developing a close relationship with the Lord, and having her delight in Him. As she delights in the Lord, He will put the desires in her heart that He wants to be there.

Psalm 37:4 says: "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

The wife's responsibility then, is to "ask" the Lord to give her a passion for Him and to diligently and consistently seek Him through His written Word. She must remember to cultivate a heart of gratitude and thankfulness as she follows God's Will in obedience. God always honours a heart that seeks to please Him.

So, the goal of the wife is to bring glory and honour to the Lord as she ministers, (loves, helps, serves, & cares for) her husband.

Now, what if the wife is having wrong desires and motives? How does she change those desires to right ones?

The way for her to change is to begin by acknowledging her sinful desires/attitudes before the Lord; repent, which means to turn away from the sin; seek God's forgiveness, and then practice those desires/attitudes that are pleasing to the Lord.

Philippians 4:8-9 says: "And now dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honourable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admi rable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all that you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you."

What you put into your mind determines what comes out in your words and actions. The apostle Paul knew this and warns us to program our mind with pure and honourable thoughts. Examine what you are putting into your mind. Replace those harmful thoughts with wholesome thoughts. How? By reading God's Word along with prayer. Ask God to help you to focus your mind on what is good and pure. It takes practice, but it can be done! Exposure to God's Word is not enough. It must lead to obedience.

On page 69, Mrs. Peace gives us a list of "Wrong Desires", those desires that are idolatrous/lustful, and a list of "Right desires", those desires that the Lord wants our heart to be set on.

First, let's look at the wife who has her heart set on:

WRONG DESIRES

1. That my husband will be affectionate.
2. That he will anticipate my needs without my asking.
3. That he will give me compliments.
4. That he will make me feel special.
5. That he will not hurt my feelings.
6. That he will talk to me and share his thoughts and feelings.
7. That he will put me first.

RIGHT DESIRES

1. That I may know God's Word and obey it!
2. That I may delight in Him!
3. That I may seek Him with all my heart!
4. That I may be pleasing to Him regardless of my circumstances!
5. That I may cultivate an attitude of joy and gratitude in what God is doing in my life no matter what my husband does or does not do!
6. That I may have joy in God deciding how my life and circumstances can glorify Him the most, that He can use me for His glory!

Notice the contrast between the two lists. The list of WRONG DESIRES shows a wife who is self-seeking.This wife's desires are selfish/self-centered, seeking to gratify herself and in doing so she pleases her sinful nature. She experiences temporary fulfillment and happiness because her happiness is rooted or dependent upon how her husband treats her, and how he responds to her.

The List of RIGHT DESIRES shows a wife who is God-centered. This wife's desires are set on pleasing the Lord. She has her heart set on godly desires. In the Lord she finds everlasting joy and fulfilment. She does not base her happiness on the way she feels, because she knows that feelings change. Rather, she is rooted and her soul anchored upon Who God is. She knows that God is faithful, He will never change, and that He's always present to help her to carry out His good and perfect Will.

I ask you, "What is your heart set on? What is really important to you?" If you want the Lord's blessings upon your marriage you have to do those things that are pleasing (acceptable and agreeable) to Him. God will not bless you if you are living contrary (against) His Will. "How can I know what God's Will for my life is?" His Will for your life is found in His Word. Ask God to help you to set your mind on pleasing Him. Let God change your character and transform you into a new person, by changing the way you think. Only when the Holy Spirit renews, re-educates, and redirects our mind, are we truly transformed, (changed).

Colossians 3:1-4 says: "Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory."

How then does the wife actively begin allowing the Lord to transform(change) her? On Page 70, Mrs. Peace gives you some very practical methods to "set your mind on the things above" by doing the following:

1. Think about and deliberately delight in the Lord- His works (creation, salvation, personal pruning in your life).
2. Build contentment in your life. Frequently thank Him for your circumstances. Think about today and the future in a positive way, look forward to what God is going to do in your life and how He is going to be glorified through you.
3. Pray and ask God to give you new motives for "it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13). If you delight in Him, He will give you new desires and motives in your heart. Again, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart"(Psalm 37:4).This means He will replace your idolatrous desires with the desires He wants you to have.
4. Invest more of your spare time in Scripture, meditate on Scripture, memorize Scripture, and think about Scripture.
5. Make your goal to please the Lord, not personal happiness.
6. Be alert to sinful anger (you'll feel frustrated) and/or anxiety as an indicator that your motive is likely not righteous. As soon as you are aware that you are sinning, confess it to God. Take the time and effort to think a God-honoring thought in place of the idolatrous thought.

Wow!! These are all things that each of us can begin to do in order to renew our minds in the Lord. As we practice honouring the Lord with our thoughts then our lives will be changed also. When our thoughts glorify God then so will our lives. It is not enough dear sisters, to hear the Word. We must hear the Word with every intent to obey. (See James 1:22-25). The test of obedience lies in you being a doer of the Word of God and not just a hearer only. Obedience always leads to the Lord's blessings.

As we come to a close I want to encourage you to sincerely search your heart's motives and to really ask the Lord to help you determine what your motives/purpose's are.

As I did this, the Lord showed me that my desires had wrong motives. I wanted my marriage and my husband to be a certain way before others. Not that God would be pleased. This was very painful for me to admit, but when the Lord surfaced it, I began to reflect upon what was really in my heart. I began to search my soul and to list the reasons why I wanted to see change in my husband.

At the heart of my desires was self. The requests that I asked of the Lord were really for the benefit of me. Thankfully, God has since transformed my motives and given me a real desire to glorify and honor Him. I laid every falsehood before His throne of grace, I repented of my sin, and now I walk victoriously in Him. I can honestly say that now I desire for my husband to be the man that God desires Him to be in order that His life will bring glory and honor to the Lord. I no longer seek him to be changed so that I will appear good. My ultimate desire is to see the Lord glorified in Him!

Be aware that you cannot seek the Lord in exchange for what you hope to get from Him. God does not operate as a do-this-for-me type of God, and I'll-do-this-for-you. He desires to have a loving relationship with you. He invites you. He longs for you. He desires you. He waits for you.

I will ask you the same questions that I had to ask myself:

Are you willing to faithfully serve God and obey Him, even if your marriage/husband takes years and years to evidence the fruit of your labor? What if you never see the change that you desire come to fruition (yielding of results)? Are you going to turn from the Lord in despair?"

Or, will you be faithful like Abraham who saw the Promise of God afar off and nevertheless, obeyed. He died in faith. He believed, yes, he was convinced, that what God had promised, He was also able to perform.

Don't short circuit God's plan by leaning to your own understanding. Call upon your living Father, He's longing for you. He is near, and He's waiting to help you. No matter what, I will serve God. No matter what, I will hold on to Him. No matter what, I will not lose hope. No matter what, my desire is to bring glory and honor to Christ. As wives, we have the responsibility to be kind, loving, examples of Christ to our husbands.

In our next lesson we will be discussing "Home - The Wife's Domain." We will be examining the wife's home-based ministry. Since the wife's life revolves a round her home, it's important for her not to focus on being "busy doing," but to find her satisfaction in doing the will of God.

Taken from The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace, pages 68-70. Copyright 1999, Focus Publishing, Bemidji, MN. Used with permission for the purpose of this devotional seriers only. May not be reproduced or forwarded without the express consent of the publisher.