Lesson 25 Love - The Wife's Choice-Part Two

The Love of a Wife for Her Husband: Biblical Principles

Principal #1

Wives are to love their husbands:

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”(John 13:34-35)

The key to how our love should be is definitely found in this verse. “Even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” There it is. I am to love as Christ has loved me. To know how He has loved you, you must go to His Word. God will reveal His love to you as you seek to know and grow in Him. You cannot know God’s love apart from knowing Him.

When we look at the love of God from the Greek word agape, we see that God’s love was an attitude toward His son and toward all of mankind. Agape love is sacrificial and giving. It’s a love that gives to others even if nothing is given back in return. Now, shift your focus to God’s great love for you that He expressed in His Son, Christ Jesus. God gave His only Son’s life in place of yours. I don’t think we really grasp what that means. Christ sacrificed His life for yours. He did this willingly.

This love is primarily seen as an attitude and also consists of action. That’s why it is considered a choice. Once you make the choice to love as Christ instructs you to love, He will empower you to act upon that love.

Look at this expression of agape love from W.E. Vine on page 83 of The Excellent Wife:

“Christian love... is not an impulse from the feelings, it does not always run with natural inclinations, nor does it spend itself only upon those for whom some affinity is discovered... love seeks the opportunity to do good to all men... a practical love (one person to another).”

Love seeks the opportunity to good to all men. Think about that for a moment. Do you really look for opportunities to good to your husband? Or, are you more concerned about the good he owes to you? Ladies, Christ has given us the command to love as He has loved us. Only by this love will all men know (our husbands included), that we are truly His disciples.

The other type of love that is mentioned in Titus 2:3-4 is philandros. The Greek word seen here in Titus for the word love there in the phrase “love” their husbands,” is philandros. This word literally means love of man. The idea here is that of tender affections and kindness. There are many ways that the wife can and should take opportunity to express tender affection to her husband. A note of praise, a gentle reminder of your love and support always goes a long way to say I thank God for you. Search out ways that you can express your love to your husband and God does daily to you.

There is also another love that’s discussed in the book that we see expressed in God’s Word. This love is greater which exists between husband and wife. God gives them a “one flesh” love, a physical and emotional bond. This love is truly a gift from God, and is the manner in which God has designed, for the couple to experience the oneness and openness that Adam and Eve experienced before the fall. (See Genesis 2:24-25).

Now let’s look at the command given in Matthew 22:39. “You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Your husband is your closest neighbor! Do you work harder at showing love and kindness to your girlfriends, than you do for your husband? Remember that He should come first. Real love begins at home, then it’s spread abroad. When we love as God instructs us to love our husbands, we are manifesting (making known), God’s grace. He gives us His grace to endure the Christian life. He enables us to live a life that will please and glorify Him. We have to desire to live wholly unto God-REGARDLESS! Even in the most difficult situation God says “My grace is sufficient for you.” (II Corinthians 12:9). This means that God has an ample, abundant, and plenteous supply of grace that is full of His mercy and kindness to assist us daily.

The most difficult situation that I have encountered in my marriage has been how to show love when it’s not earned nor deserved. I feel ashamed to admit it but The Lord has shown me that this is not real and true love. The Love of God looks beyond the faults and sees that persons need. The greatest need that we have in life is to know God in a personal and intimate way. I’m reminded that I may be the only real example of Christ to my husband. Do I want to waste the opportunity that has given me? I truly do not. I want to show forth God’s love and kindness daily. That is why I have yielded to Him my will and my habits.

How then is this done on a daily basis in a practical way? We must begin by replacing old non-productive habits with new productive habits. The new habits should be those that will please the Lord. We have to practice what we learn; putting loving thoughts into action. We cannot rely on our feelings because feelings fluctuate and or always unpredictable as well as unstable. Here are three examples of a wife who has Unbiblical wrong thoughts. Keep in mind that she can choose to love her husband as Christ instructs her:

1) I don’t love Him anymore.

2) I’m not going to live a lie and be a hypocrite-at least if I leave I’ll be honest.

3) He’ll never change.

The wife can counteract those thoughts with biblical right thoughts. She must practice the habit of putting off the old and putting on the new. She can use these biblical approaches to defeat her unbiblical thoughts:

1) I don’t feel love right now, but God will change my feelings as I learn to think and act in a loving way.

2) I am never being a hypocrite when I obey God in spite of my feelings.

3) Only God can know whether he’ll change or not. I commit to love him whether I feel like it or not.

Do you see the distinction between the two thought patterns? One is sinful and the other is loving. Lord help each of us to surrender to your pruning in our lives. Help each of us to know that it’s for our good and your glory. May we look to the ways and needs of others and abandon our selfish desires.

Godly love is not primarily a feeling, it is a choice. We can see that in scripture clearly today. It’s also clear that in order to love the wife must think biblically and not based on her feelings. Only then can we begin to love as God. To think biblically means that we look to God’s example of love as seen in His Word. We do this by applying what we learn to our life. God’s Word transforms us as we renew our minds in His truth. (Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4:23).

I encourage you read the above scriptures and answer these questions in your heart. You may consider sharing them with the group as well. How have you applied these principles in your marriage? How will you apply them? Know that you cannot passively do this. You must work at it. With God’s help you will be victorious.