The Excellent Wife

Lesson 28
"Love - The Wife's Choice."

May 1 - May 7, 2000



The following is a summary adaptation of material from "The Excellent Wife" 
by Martha Peace. Used by permission.
Taken from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, pp 87-90. Copyright 1999, 
Focus Publishing, Bemidji, Minnesota. Used with permission for the purposes 
of this devotional series only. May not be reproduced or forwarded without 
the express consent of the publisher.

"Bitterness Hinders Love"

In last weeks lesson, we looked at Principle #2, which states that 
selfishness hinders love.  Anytime someone has a philosophy of life that is 
based on "my needs, my wants, and my feelings," (self), they are likely to 
fall into the trap of Satan.  He wants us to focus on ourselves because in 
doing so, we lose sight of what God's plan is for our lives.  

Selfishness is in direct opposition to God's Will and His character. Christ 
was loving, kind, and unselfish, even though he was not received in love by 
His own people.  His need/desire to be loved was not met by everyone, yet 
Christ continued to show love in spite of. His focus was on what God wanted 
Him to do.  Our focus should be the same-to glorify God in all that we say 
and do.

Selfishness is not the only hindrance to biblical love, "bitterness" also 
hinders love.


Principle #3 -- "Bitterness Hinders Love."

Bitterness is a condition that usually follows after someone has been "hurt." 
 The emotions that you feel as a result of this hurt are generally how you 
feel when you are bitter.

There are many common signs of bitterness.  On pages 88-89, Mrs. Peace lists 
those signs along with scripture, to help you overcome this sinful response 
and replace it with the righteous response found in God's Word.  

Before we look at these signs, I'd like to ask you to prayerfully reflect on 
your actions & responses to your hurt/pain in the light of God's Word.  As 
wives, many of us, if not all, can legitimize our hurt.  But, I beg you not 
to do so.  When these feelings start to take over, I make it a habit to look 
at the life of Christ.  I urge you to do the same.  Christ is the only One 
who I believe had every right to legitimize His hurt and sufferings.  Yet, He 
did not "choose" to do so.  He could have used the injustices that He 
experienced to slander & gossip about the people, He could have easily fell 
prey to murmuring & complaining about the task that He was going to face.  
Yet, he did not "choose" to do so.  He did not allow the actions/responses of 
others to rob Him of the inner joy & peace that He experienced from knowing 
God.  What an awesome reminder of the Love of God that was "in" Christ Jesus. 
 This same love power exists in every believer.  The Bible says that "love 
covers a multitude of sin." (I Peter 4:8.) Isn't this what God's love did for 
you through His Son, Christ Jesus?  And Sisters, we can do the same as we 
remain, stay connected, and abide in Him.

Nowhere in Scripture do I find Christ responding in a selfish manner.  He 
used the hurt that He experienced as a platform to showcase the sincere love 
of God.  He is your example.  Look to Him.  Learn from Him.  Allow Him to 
fill you with Himself and to flood your heart with His love.


Mrs. Peace lists 9 "Common Signs of Bitterness"

1- Gossip & Slander.
In the process of complaining, the wife gossips about him and slanders her 
husband, thereby defiling others.  She has either nothing or very little that 
is good to say about him.

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of 
bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled... Hebrews 
12:15-17
-----------------------------
2- Ungrateful and Complaining.
The wife is not grateful to her husband. She murmurs to herself and complains 
to others about him.

Do all things without grumbling or disputing... Philippians 2:14
----------------------------
3- Judge Motives.
Whatever he does is suspect in her eyes. Even if he does something nice, she 
thinks his motive must be off.  For example, "He only did that to look good 
to his parents." "I know it seemed like a nice gesture, but he didn't really 
mean it."

Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the 
Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and 
disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to 
him from God.  I Corinthians 4:5
----------------------------
4- Self-Centered.
The wife spends a lot of time thinking about herself.  She is very 
self-absorbed. Her focus is fixed on herself and the hurts done against her.
...do not merely look out for your own personal interests... Philippians 2:4
----------------------------
5- Excessive Sorrow.
Grief and hurt has crowded out any joy, peace, or love that she used to have. 
 It has, in fact, filled up her heart.  It may, at times, overwhelm her.

But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart. 
John 16:6
-----------------------------
6- Vengeful.
The wife looks for ways to avoid her husband. Perhaps she leaves when he is 
home, pouts, or gives him the cold shoulder.  She is paying him back for what 
he has done to her.

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone... Never take your own personal 
revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God... Romans 12:17,19
-----------------------------
7- Brooding.
The wife broods about what her husband has done. She thinks about it often 
and plays it over and over in her mind.

Love does not take into account a wrong suffered. 
I Corinthians 13:5
-----------------------------
8- Loss of Joy.
Lately, the wife has litter or no delight in her relationship with the Lord. 
Because of her sin, instead of God's peace and joy, she is experiencing 
intense emotional pain and misery.

And I shall delight in Thy commandments which I love. Psalm 119:47
-----------------------------
9- A Critical, Judgmental Attitude.
It is difficult for the wife to take her focus off what her husband has done 
wrong and focus instead on what she is doing wrong.

Before you can see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye, first 
take the beam out of your own.
Matthew 7:1-5


Even if your husband has hurt you God wants you to take full responsibility 
for your own sin.  It is a sin to respond and act in an ungodly manner.  How 
did other's know that Jesus was God?  By the fruit evidenced in His life.  
This is the only way other's will know that you are Christ's.  Your chief end 
in life is to glorify God and to enjoy Him.  We are to live unto Him.  Not 
unto ourselves.  We have been redeemed from our former ways of life.  Christ 
now lives in us.  We don't have to "try" being & doing good.  We are able to 
respond in love as Christ did because He works in us.  He will give you the 
desire and the will to walk as He did.  The question is, "Do you believe that 
He can, and will surrender to His plan?"

God wants you to get to work on your own sin.  It doesn't matter how "little" 
you think your sin is compared to that of your husband.  That's what He means 
when He says:
"Before you can see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye, 
first take the beam out of your own." (Matt. 7:1-5)

Practice praying the prayer of the Psalmist who said:
"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see 
if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 
139:23-24)

Taking the "beam" out of your eye, and asking God to search your hart is the 
first step towards repentance.
Hebrews 4:14-16 says:

"Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the 
heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
For we do not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our 
infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain 
mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."

I'm a living witness today that the Lord will help you. I sought the Lord and 
He heard my cry and inclined His ear unto my voice.  He has caused me to know 
Him, to long for Him.  Knowing God has given me a "new" purpose in life.  I 
no longer dwell on the wrongs that I've suffered.  I look to God who is able 
to comfort and heal my wounds. Yes, Christ was tempted to respond in evil, 
but He didn't.  He was tempted, but He did not sin.  

When I was going through times of hurt and sadness, the Lord led me to the 
book of Isaiah, chapter 53.  It was here that I began to learn more about the 
substitutional death and sacrifice of the Lord.  The Lord used His Word in a 
mighty way in my life.  He began to transform my heart and my ways of acting 
and responding.  My dilemma seemed trivial and petty compared to Christ's.
What really struck my heart was verse 10, "Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise 
Him..." This was God's plan that Christ would suffer on the Cross in order to 
bring back a dying world who's lost in sin.  The thought came to mind and 
I'll leave it with you:
"What if it pleases the Lord that you go through the fiery trial that you are 
faced with, in order that you might show forth His love and kindness to 
someone who's lost in sin? Will you respond as Christ did?"


"He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he 
walked." (I John 2:6.)


In our next lesson, we will study the Doctrine of Bitterness and learn the 
way to confession and clearing our conscience before God. Only then can we 
forgive as Christ has forgiven us.


Blessings to all of you,
Pamm



 
Next
Lesson

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Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to 
you. (I Peter 5:7)

"He is watching over everything that concerns you."