The Excellent Wife

Lesson 29
"Love - The Wife's Choice."

May 7 - May 14, 2000



The following is a summary adaptation of material from "The Excellent Wife" 
by Martha Peace. Used by permission.
Taken from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, pp 90-93. Copyright 1999, 
Focus Publishing, Bemidji, Minnesota. Used with permission for the purposes 
of this devotional series only. May not be reproduced or forwarded without 
the express consent of the publisher.


In last weeks lesson, we learned that bitterness is a condition that usually 
follows after someone has experienced a hurt.  We also looked at many 
common signs of bitterness.  As we looked at these signs, we discovered many 
scriptural principals to help us overcome this sinful response, and how to 
replace it with righteous responses found in God's Word.  

This week our lesson continues where we left off. Bitterness comes when you 
take into account a wrong suffered. (I Cor. 13:5) This literally means that 
you are thinking, or dwelling on the bad, hurtful things that your husband 
has done to you.  You may even sit and brood, replaying the hurt over and 
over in your mind.  As a result, your emotional pain intensifies and becomes 
difficult to bear.  You begin to feel useless and helpless.  Look at how 
Jeremiah the prophet felt:

"And my soul has been rejected from peace; I have forgotten happiness.  So I 
say, "My strength has perished, And so has my hope from the Lord." 
(Lamentations 3:17-18)

Because he looked at himself in the "woe is me syndrome," he was void of 
inner peace, happiness was a thing of the past, his strength had perished and 
the saddest of it all-He had lost his hope (confidence) in the Lord.  

What a terrible state to be in! This is the time that satan will use to 
destroy you.  He becomes active in his pursuit to lure you into sin. We 
cannot allow the emotion of bitterness to dwell in our hearts.  We must 
surrender ourselves to the Lord; with all of our hurts and failures.  Look at 
what James 1:14-16 says about temptation and sin:

"But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and 
enticed.  Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when 
it is finished bringeth forth death.  Do not err, my beloved brethren."
Sin takes place when we take our eyes off of the Lord.
We must guard ourselves against any form of solicitation to do evil, by 
confessing, (acknowledging) and by forsaking, (turning away from) 
opportunities to sin.

When a person is bitter, she will respond in anger and will often slander the 
person who has caused the hurt. Her heart becomes filled with resentment 
(displeasure). Her view will become cloudy and as a result, she is unable to 
see any good that her husband does.  She is so focused on what He did wrong, 
or didn't do, that she misses the good that he does.

God warns us, over & over in the Scriptures, not to concentrate on the wrongs 
done to us.  Look at what Hebrews 12:15 says:

"See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God that no root of 
bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled."

"Bitterness has the ability to spread like a wild fire. If the fire isn't 
restrained or stopped, it will become uncontrollable.  It eats away at the 
very heart of every individual who allows it a place to lodge.  It devours 
all who it comes in contact with.  You cannot avoid the wounding and 
crippling affect that it carries. It takes away life, sapping away the gifts 
of God-peace, love, joy & happiness."

"Who in their right mind, would be proud of portraying this deadly trait?"  
Each of us would be quick to say, "Not me."  Yet, all of have been guilty to 
some degree of harboring such emotions. The Lord wants to free us of this 
peace-stealing characteristic.  To say or do nothing about this sin IS sin. 
In James 1:22 he says:

"But be ye doers of the Word, and not hearers only, deceiving your 
ownselves."  
You are fooling yourself if you think you have the right to respond in 
bitterness or that you can handle this on your own.  Repent.  Go to your 
loving, faithful, waiting Father and ask for His forgiveness.  He has 
promised to forgive you and to cleanse your from ALL unrighteousness. If you 
have responded in bitterness, the Lord wants you to seek an opportunity to 
ask for your husbands forgiveness as well.  No matter how difficult it may be 
for you, God will give you the grace and strength to do what He requires you 
to do.

Mrs. Peace instructs the wife to take 100% responsibility for her own 
sin/fault.  Even if you may only be 40% responsible for the chaos/confusion 
in your marriage, God wants you to deal 100% with the sin in your own life.  
As you deal with your sin, God gives you a clear and clean conscience. He 
also gives you a "second chance."  Likewise, you can begin to give your 
husband a "second mile investment."  
"What is a second mile investment?"  On page 93 Mrs. Peace explains it this 
way:

"A second mile investment is doing something extra special and nice for your 
husband.  It is going above and beyond the call of duty.  The Lord Jesus put 
it this way, "And whoever shall force you to one mile, go with him two." 
(Matthew 5:41)

Your husband may not deserve a "second mile investment," but you do it 
anyway.  Do something that he would really like, such as prepare his favorite 
meal, give him a back rub or buy him a gift and wrap it in some nice paper.  
Think about what you would like for him to do for you and then do it for him. 
 Put into practice the exhortation from the Lord Jesus that " ... how ever 
you want people to treat you, so treat them." 
(Matthew 7:12.)  It is never easy to go against your feelings and go the 
"second mile," but it is a necessary step towards overcoming bitter feelings. 
 God will help you as you respond righteously to difficult circumstances."

As you do this, you are responding as Christ has commanded.  You are "giving 
a blessing," rather than "returning evil for evil," you are "overcoming the 
evil done to you by doing good." (See I Peter 3:9 and Romans 12:21.)

The Lord is pleased when you deny yourself, (by not responding in revenge) 
take up your cross, (bear your burden) and follow Him, (follow His way of 
life).

This begins the process of the "Put-Off" "Put-On" method, that we see in 
Ephesians 4:31-32.  
-"Put Off" all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice;
-"Put On" kindness, tenderheartedness and forgiving thoughts/actions.

The way to become kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving is to replace your 
'unrighteous' thoughts with 'righteous' thoughts. 

In next weeks lesson we will learn more about how to practically do this.  
Mrs. Peace will share with us 20 Bitter Thoughts and 20 ways to respond with 
Kind, Tenderhearted and Forgiving thoughts in any given situation.

Remember II Timothy 3:15-16:

"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for 
doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That 
the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works."

God's Word does apply to ALL situations in your life.  It is your guide and 
light that leads to righteousness. Any other fix is only temporary.  God 
wants to give you permanence in your life.  He wants to free you from the 
very power of sin.  As Paul said, "How shall we who are dead to sin live any 
longer therein?"


May you have an absolute and undoubting trust in the faith and love of God.

Pamm



Next
Lesson



What I believe about God is the most important thing about me.

He is a God who in His love has extended grace to sinful man & invited you 
into a personal relationship with Him through God the Son, Jesus Christ.  

-See John 3:16