The Excellent Wife

Lesson 30
"Love - The Wife's Choice."
The Doctrine of Bitterness-Part Two


The following is a summary adaptation of material from "The Excellent Wife" 
by Martha Peace. Used by permission.
Taken from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, pp 93--96. Copyright 1999, 
Focus Publishing, Bemidji, Minnesota. Used with permission for the purposes 
of this devotional series only. May not be reproduced or forwarded without 
the express consent of the publisher.


In our last lesson we looked a great deal into the doctrine of bitterness.  
We saw how easily it becomes to respond with bitterness when we take our eyes 
off of Christ and focus on our hurts and disappointments.  We were reminded 
that the road of bitterness leads to ultimate destruction.  It is not a road 
that God desires for His children to travel.  We have the power of Christ 
within us to say no to the workings of the flesh and yes to the spirit which 
leads to life.

We left off looking at how to begin the process of the "Put-Off" "Put-On" 
method, that we see in Ephesians 4:31-32.  God is very clear in His 
instructions to us:

-"Put Off" all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice;
-"Put On" kindness, tenderheartedness and forgiving thoughts/actions.

The way to become kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving is to replace your 
'unrighteous' thoughts with 'righteous' thoughts. 

On pages 94-95 Mrs. Peace gives us a list of 20 bitter thoughts and 20 ways 
to respond with kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving thoughts.  These can be 
practiced in any given situation.  Again, God has given us clear instructions 
in His Word telling us what His will is for our actions/lives.  He wants you 
to put off those old harmful habits, which is referred to as the "old man," 
and to be renewed in the spirit of your mind as you put on the "new man," 
which is created after God in righteousness and true holiness.  The "new man" 
is Christ 'formed' in the believer.
(See Ephesians 4:22-24)

I encourage each of you to meditate and study carefully Ephesians 4:17-32, 
which gives very clear guidance on the practice of "putting off" and "putting 
on."

I will only list 10 of the 20 examples so that you can carefully study them.  
Notice the importance of "what you think"...

-Bitter Thoughts:
1) "He doesn't love me.  He only loves Himself."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:     
1) "He does not show love as he should but his capacity to love can grow. 
(Colossians 3:14)
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-Bitter Thoughts:
2) "I do so much for him and look what I get in return!"

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
2) "I wonder if I could do something differently to make it easier for him." 
(Philippians 2:3-4)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
3) "I can't believe what the has done to me!"

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
3) "What h has done is difficult but God will give me the grace to get 
through it." 
(I Corinthians 10:13)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
4) "This is more than I can bear. There is no hope."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
4) "There is nothing that has happened that God cannot forgive, that I cannot 
forgive, and that we can't work through." (I John 1:9)
---------------------------------------------------------
Bitter Thoughts:
5) "We never should have gotten married in the first place."

- Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
5) "He is my husband and I am committed to him no matter what." (Matthew 19:6)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
6) "He'll never change."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
6) "By God's grace, he can change." (I Corinthians 6:11)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
7) "God understands that I can't take this."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
7) "God will give me the wisdom and grace to hang in there." (James 1:5)
---------------------------------------------------------
Bitter Thoughts:
8) "I prayed about it and have 'peace' about pursuing the divorce."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
8) "It would be nice to have this settled but I am committed to proceeding in 
the way God has determined"
(Colossians 3:2)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
9) "I wish he were dead."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
9) "I pray that God will have mercy on him and he will repent." (2 Peter 3:9)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
10) "How could God let him do this to me?"

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
10) "God has a purpose in all that I am experiencing.  He can and will use it 
for my good if I respond in love to God." (Romans 8:28-29)
********************************************************

Some of these bitter thoughts may seem funny to some of you, they may seem 
unimportant to some, and to others they may be your thoughts in the past and 
your thoughts right now.   Whatever the case may be, I want you to know that 
these thoughts are not of God.  He wants to free you from those thoughts and 
actions that seek to destroy your life.  Our thought life is so important 
that God told us to cast down every imagination and high thing that exalteth 
itself against the knowledge of God, and to bring into captivity every 
thought to the obedience of Christ. (See II Corinthians 10:5)

As the wrong/unrighteous thought comes into your mind, don't dwell on it, 
don't act upon it.  Immediately confess it to God as wrong/unrighteous and 
counteract that thought with the Mighty Word of God. That's as far as you let 
those type of thoughts go. Take it captive to the obedience of Christ.

To help you be open and honest with the Lord about your thoughts, Mrs. Peace 
suggests that you begin keeping a brief journal of your bitter thoughts.  
Write down what you are thinking, and then write next to it a Kind, 
tenderhearted, forgiving thought. I encourage you to back that thought with 
the Word of God.  Write down a scripture that pertains to the kind of thought 
your having.  Memorize it.  Knowledge comes from the Word of God.  We need 
more than just a "good thought."  God's Word is the only transforming power 
in our life with lasting results.  You are bringing those thoughts captive to 
the obedience of Christ.  When you stop the thought from going any further, 
from turning into an action, you have caused it to become prisoner and obey 
the Word of God.  To let the thought out and transform into action, is to let 
the prisoner go free.  Think about it....

I think the journaling is a way to be open and honest with the Lord.  I 
believe it will help you to see your own faults and how much you really need 
the Lord to help you deal righteously with your own sin.  You will need to be 
cautious though, that no one finds it and becomes hurt by what your wrong 
thoughts have been.  Remember, you are using this as a tool to help you grow 
spiritually as God desires. This is your private journal.

I was amazed at how many times I responded in the flesh. It's not enough to 
read God's Word, you have to put it into practice.  You have to live it. Only 
with practice of meditating upon the Scriptures and a sincere desire to be 
changed inwardly, was I able to overcome evil with good.  I am still in the 
process of becoming what God desires me to be.  I don't regret any of the 
trials I've had to endure to learn this lesson. God will always give you the 
strength and grace to obey Him.  You can forgive anything!  It may be 
difficult but with God, it is not impossible.  Think about all that God has 
forgiven you of.  He has not given us a select list of sins that He will 
forgive.  Why do we then choose what we will forgive?  God wants us to 
forgive as He has forgiven us.  What a loving, caring Father our Lord God is.

I would like each of you to memorize Ephesians 4:31-32:
"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be 
put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind, tenderhearted, forgiving 
one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."



Next week, we will dig a little more deeper in the area of "Forgiveness as 
God has Forgiven."  The key to forgiveness is found in the example of Christ 
Jesus.  To be bitter is to be unforgiving.  Unforgiveness is sin.  

    
May the Lord's peace rest, rule, and abide within each of your hearts,

Pamm

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