The Excellent Wife

Lesson 31
"Love - The Wife's Choice."
The Key to Forgiveness


The following is a summary adaptation of material from "The Excellent Wife" 
by Martha Peace. Used by permission.
Taken from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, pp 96-99. Copyright 1999, 
Focus Publishing, Bemidji, Minnesota. Used with permission for the purposes 
of this devotional series only. May not be reproduced or forwarded without 
the express consent of the publisher.


In last weeks lesson, we learned how to begin the "Put-Off" "Put-On" method 
as seen in God's Word. We discussed how we as women of God, can begin to 
respond in a godly manner.  With the Lord's help we can respond to 
unrighteousness in kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving thoughts/actions.  We 
also discussed how to bring EVERY thought captive to the obedience of Christ. 
This is done when we don't allow our sinful thoughts to go any further and 
develop into a sinful action.  As we learn God's Word, He begins to transform 
every area of our lives, as we follow Him in full obedience.


Today our lesson is "Forgiveness."  What I found to be alarming is that many 
times our method's of forgiving are nothing like the Lord's.  Forgiveness is 
based upon God's truth.  It's important that we begin this lesson thinking in 
the terms of God's forgiveness-not our own.

When a wife is filled with bitter feelings, it is difficult for her to 
forgive her husband.  I have found it strange, reflecting upon my own life, 
how easy it was for me to focus on my husband's sin and forget that I was 
sinning also by responding ungodly.  Sin is sin!  Satan is so cunning.  He 
will have you to focus on the wrong done to you and forget the wrong feelings 
that you are harboring in your own heart.

I love these two verses in the book of Psalm that portray to us the 
importance of God's Word being active in our lives:

"The entrance of they words giveth light, it giveth understanding unto the 
simple." (Psalm 119:130)

"The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the 
Lord is pure, making wise the simple." (Psalm 19:7)

These verses tell us that God's Word is our rule and guide for our lives.  If 
we are "simple-minded" and just "don't know," He will give us understanding.  
If we are in a "rut of sin," God's Word will convert us to a life that lives 
and does as God pleases.  Sisters, this let's me know that we have no excuse 
to "remain" in sin.  God has provided all sorts of precious promises to us.  
"Why aren't we taking hold of His promises?" "Why are we continuing to live 
in sin?"  God has set you free!  You are free indeed!  (See Romans 6.)

Furthermore, you are free to forgive your husband's sin. On page 97, Mrs. 
Peace puts it this way:

"There is NOTHING that your husband has done that God cannot forgive and you 
cannot forgive!"

Again, if you are being bitter and resentful, you are sinning.  You are to 
forgive as Christ has forgiven you. No matter how difficult, you can 
reconcile your differences with your husband.  God is plenteous in mercy and 
grace.  He will guide you and help you if you so desire.

Moreover, in Matthew 18:22-35 we see an account of a slave and Master.  
(Please Read the verses so that you can get the full account/understanding.)  
What I want to emphasize here is that the Master had compassion and forgave 
his slave all that he owed him.  Yet, the slave did not forgive his fellow 
slave as the Master had done for him.  When the Master heard of this, he 
turned his slave over to be tortured.  Verse 35 states: (Jesus is speaking), 
"So shall my heavenly Father also do to you, if each of you does not forgive 
his brother from your heart."

The key to forgiveness is found in the forgiveness of God through His Son 
Jesus Christ.  I cannot stress this enough.  We must look to the example of 
Christ if we are to follow in His footsteps.  God does not accept our 
offerings and sacrifices if our heart is not right with Him.   

On page 97, Mrs. Peace gives us this advice:

"You may be thinking, "How can I forgive him, he keeps on being unfaithful, 
irresponsible, deceptive drunk, or out of control?"  Realize that God has 
made many provisions to protect you if this is the case.  Also, realize that 
forgiveness and trust are not the same thing.  There are some circumstances 
in which you would be naive to trust your husband. Be careful since "the 
naive believes everything" (Proverbs 14:15).  However, you must still forgive 
and work toward reconciliation.  Then as your husband is more and more 
faithful, your trust in him will increase."  
(We will deal more on God's provisions to protect you in later lessons. See 
Chapter 14 of the book)

Remember, it's your responsibility to repent of your bitterness and to 
forgive as God has instructed.

Suppose you have been hurt by your husband and what he's done is bad, but not 
biblical grounds for divorce.  In your heart, you are sure that you are not 
to blame-you have not done anything wrong.  What you feel initially is not 
sin.  What you do next, however is very critical.
You have two choices.  You can respond to the hurt in "humility" or you can 
respond in "pride."  On page 98, Mrs. Peace gives us a chart that details two 
different responses to being hurt.  The first one will show a wife who 
responds in pride, the second one shows a wife who responds in humility.


A proud response to hurt feelings:

--Hurt feelings: "How could be have done this to me?" 
("There is none righteous, not even one..." Rom.3:10)

--Angry: "This makes me angry!"
("The churning of anger produces strife." Prov. 30:33)

--Bitter: "I will tell him that I will never forgive him!"
("..evildoers...They aimed bitter speech as their arrow." Psalm 64:3)

--Rebellious: "I'll divorce him!"
("But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord that the wife 
should not leave her husband..." 
I Cor. 7:10)
--------------------------------------------------------

A humble response to hurt feelings:

--Hurt feelings: "Lord, what do you want me to do?"
("have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus... He 
humbles Himself." Phil. 2:5-8)

--Kind, Tenderhearted, Forgiving: "I feel badly for him as he is really 
struggling."
("...be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving just as God in Christ has forgiven 
you." Eph. 4:31)

--Loving: "I will show love to him by not dwelling on what he has done to me."
("Love does not take into account a wrong suffered." 
I Cor. 13:5)

--Forgiving: "I forgive him."
("If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him." Luke 
17:3-4)
--------------------------------------------------------
Look at the differences in the attitudes and responses. As I look at the wife 
who is able to respond in humility, I think of the peace that God has 
showered upon her as a result of her willingness to obey even in difficult 
situations.  Many of us lack God's peace because we have not allowed him to 
express his peace to us.  We are so accustomed to doing things our way.  We 
rob ourselves of the blessing of entrusting all to the Lord God.  Obedience 
to God should be more important than getting our own way.  Whatever we say or 
do should be done to bring glory and honor to the Lord. Our lives should be 
reflections of Christ.  We are to live unto God-not unto ourselves.

I do find it difficult at times to respond godly.  Those times that it's 
difficult though, are the times when I am not allowing God's Spirit to 
control my thoughts and actions.  I cannot blame it on the Lord or on my 
husband for that matter.  It happens when I take my eyes off of Christ.  I 
have struggled with this time after time.  As I prayed, I asked the Lord to 
help me to focus on Him.  I no longer desired to be the focal point of the 
day.  My desire turned to the Lord.  My goal was to exemplify Christ. If I 
remember that I am to win others for the Lord by my conversation and 
character, I will use every opportunity to show God's love.  Yes, this is 
difficult to do in your own strength.  But with God, NOTHING is impossible.  
Only with the Help of the Holy Spirit aiding and empowering me daily, can I 
be and do as God desires.

Ladies, there is NOTHING that your husband has done that you cannot forgive.  
God is a God of second-chances.  You can go the second-mile and replace 
bitterness with kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving thoughts.  Regardless of 
whether your husband is a failure before the Lord, you don't have to be.  If 
your heart is hardened; if you are still struggling with forgiveness, STOP 
right now and ask God for forgiveness.  Ask Him to humble your heart and to 
help you follow Him in obedience.  The Lord wants to help you.  Pray right 
now and seek the Lord's forgiveness.  Think about ALL that the Lord has 
forgiven you.  What a loving, caring, forgiving, compassionate Father our 
Lord is...



Next, week we will examine principal #4, "Fear Hinders Love." Remember we are 
discussing areas that hinder a wife's love for her husband as designed by 
God.  So far we've discussed how selfishness and bitterness hinders love.  
God has given us some great principles in His word to overcoming these 
barriers.  I am very grateful to Him for the light that He has shed in our 
hearts.

May you continue to desire to be the woman/wife that God has predestined you 
to become.

Looking forward to sharing with you all.

Pamm

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