The Excellent Wife Lesson 34 "
Love--The Wife's Choice"
Princlple #5-The Wife is to "Put on Love"
A study of the characteristics of love listed in I Corinthians 13
The following is a summary adaptation of material from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. Used by permission. Taken from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, pp. 100-102. Copyright 1999, Focus Publishing, Bemidji, Minnesota. Used with permission for the purposes of this devotional series only. May not be reproduced or forwarded without the express consent of the publisher.
Last week we started our study In "Putting On" love. We saw this truth commanded to us in Colossians 3:12-14 "And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you so also should you , and beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity."
We saw how the Scriptures tell us to "pursue love" and "walk in love." But how do we do this? Mrs. Peace has taken that great "Love" Chapter I Corinthians 13 and given us some practical suggestions for "putting on" love. This week we will be studying the first seven characteristics listed in I Corinthians 13:4-7. I would ask you to prayerfully read this passage as we look at the way love acts and the practical outworkings of it in our own lives.
1. "Love is patient." We are all prone to impatience or irritation when things don't go according to our plans or we feel physically unwell; however, we can learn by God's grace to practice patience even at times when we don't feel like it. Two practical suggestions for learning patience are to memorize Scripture that we can recall to mind when tempted to sin in this area (ie. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God" James 1:19,20) and thanking God even for those things that are irritating us since God's Word commands us to "Be thankful for all things for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you" I Thessalonians 5:18. We are told in Galatians that one of the evidences ("fruits") of the Holy Spirit working in us is that we will be longsuffering (patient). This is not an option. It is sin when we become frustrated and angry. We need to learn to confess this sin of impatience to God while it is yet a mental attitude before it becomes an outward sin.
2. "Love is kind." Do we desire peace to reign in our homes? Practicing kindness will develop the proper atmosphere in the home. Kindness can be shown through speaking in a gentle tone of voice and doing kind deeds. It will draw people instead of driving them away with criticism and harshness. The excellent wife will think of ways to express kindness to her husband. When he is experiencing aggravation, instead of responding in like manner she could kindly say to him, "I'm sorry that this is aggravating. Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?" God's grace working in our hearts will cause us to practice kindness. Again, it is one of the "fruits" of the spirit expressed in gentleness & goodness.
3. "Love is not jealous" Mrs. Peace says on p.101 "Jealousy is fear of being displaced by another person or thing. It may be a valid concern or it may be a 'vain imagination'. Either way, it is self-focused and self-concerned." She gives some practical suggestions of responding Biblically instead of with jealousy. You can show your husband that you are glad he has the opportunity to participate in something he enjoys (ie. fishing--golf for my husband). You can be glad when he has opportunity to visit with his family. You can make his coming home from working late a thing to look forward to instead of a battle waiting to happen. I once heard a young wife say, "Well, if he gets to do so and so, then I am going to do this and that. It's only fair." May I caution you not to think of what is "fair". Perhaps your husband might be acting selfishly, but your are responsible to God for how you respond. God will deal with your husband. It may be that your life of unselfishness and lack of jealousy will convict his heart. Even when the wife has legitimate reason to fear being displaced, she can respond Biblically instead of acting out her fear and jealousy.
4. "Love does not brag." In the Greek "brag" means "to talk conceitedly." To have conceit is to have "an excessive appreciation of one's own worth." Sometimes a wife will "boast" of her husband and their relationship perhaps even making things look better than they actually are. She might even be guilty of taking for granted all the nice things her husband does for her as if it is what she deserves. God wants all of our "boasting" to be done "in the Lord" (II Corinthians 10:17) We have nothing that we did not first receive from God. We should be careful that we don't boast in ourselves or our husbands but instead give God all the glory, honor and praise due Him alone.
5. "Love is not arrogant" Are you a "know it all" wife? An arrogant wife is opinionated and defensive. She cannot be told anything and even acts pridefully when reproved. She is setting herself up for deep hurt. Instead this wife should develop a humble spirit that will listen carefully to the opinion of her husband considering that she might be wrong or misinformed in her opinions.
6. "Love does not act unbecomingly." How does one act "unbecomingly"? By acting rude or disrespectful to her husband. A loving wife will act in a manner that is fitting and proper not based on her mood swings but at all times. Her husband can always depend on her to respond in love. She will also practice good manners not only in front of others but also in regard to her husband.
7. "Love does not seek its own (way)". "Seeking our own way" or selfishness is a common problem we all experience. It is the root of many problems in a marriage. Usually both partners are thinking of only their own needs and desires instead of considering the needs and desires of their mate. Mrs. Peace says on p.102 " A wife can show love to her husband by giving in to his wishes as long as he is not asking her to sin. She should be more concerned with what she does for him than what he does for her." Philippians 2:4 says "Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others." When we consider the unselfish act of God sending His only begotten Son to pay for our sins, when we remember that everything we have comes from the hand of God, how can we selfishly demand our rights? Instead we can find contentment in surrendering our lives in service to God and our husbands.
Well, I hope this has not been too long or burdensome to read. Perhaps you like I see some areas that need improving. I appreciated what Sylvia wrote about substituting your name in place of the word "love" in this passage. Do we see ourselves practicing patience, kindness, humility, etc.? Even more revealing, if asked, would our husbands be able to substitute our names in these descriptions of love or would he have to say we are jealous, boastful, arrogant and selfish? Oh, may it not be so! I pray God will apply His piercing and discerning Word to our hearts that we may practice those things that will develop Godliness in our lives and homes.
Next week we will continue to study the characteristics of love in I Corinthians 13. May God help us to prayerfully consider these things clinging to that which is good and uprooting that which would hinder our being the "excellent wife" God has called us to be. I look forward to hearing how God is working these things out in our lives.