Lesson 42 Chapter Thirteen: "Biblical Submission-Basis Of The Wife's Protection"
Principle #3: A Wife Is To Be Submissive Even If Her Husband Is Not A Christian, and
Principal #4: A Submissive Wife Does Not Dishonor The Word Of God.
The following is a summary adaptation of material from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. Taken from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, pp. 146-150. Copyright, 1999, Focus, Publishing, Bemidji, Minnesota. Used with permission for the purposes of this devotional series only. May not be reproduced or forwarded without the express consent of the publisher.
Last week, our lesson looked into the area of Biblical Submission as it related to the subject of the wife being fearful of carrying out God's command to obey her husband. We discussed the importance of her learning Philippians 4:8 with encourages us to think on those things that are true, lovely, and of good report. We learned that fear is not of God nor does God desire that the wife live in fear. In order to overcome her fears, the wife must entrust herself to God, knowing that even in a difficult situation, the Lord will give her the grace that she needs to get through it. We also looked at some practical ideas that a fearful wife could use to help her replace those fear producing thoughts with love producing thoughts.
Today our lesson will cover two more important elements of Biblical Submission. Let's look at the first one.
Principal #3: The wife is to be submissive even if her husband is not a Christian.
I Peter 3:1,2 says: In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
Although this scripture can be applied to many situations in our lives, When Paul made the statement, "disobedient to the word," He was talking about a Christian wife married to an unbeliever. "What is her responsibility according to this verse?" She is to live godly and respond to her husband with respect.
Many times the wife may unintentionally be expressing to her husband (by her words, facial expressions & actions), that she is against him. Her attitude should be one that portrays to her husband that she is for him--not against him. The wife can begin practicing developing heartfelt, and unconditional love for her husband by focusing on his good attributes. Think of him as your husband whom God delights in, the father of your children-not your enemy. You will have to change your thought process to begin dwelling on thoughts that are godly and right.
Another point that Mrs. Peace points out to us on page 146 is that the wife "should not expect him to act or think like a Christian nor should she be devastated if he has no interest in church or Bible studies." This may be difficult at first for some. But you can still enjoy your husband and be the wife that God intends for you to be. Your walk with God should not be dependent upon your husbands' walk. God still expects you to obey Him--regardless.
Quite often a wife who has an unsaved husband will find that at times she becomes frustrated and even miserable when she focuses on the type of marriage she would like to have. The view that she has may not be a faulty or wrong view. In fact, it may even be a godly view. But, when this view consumes the wife and she dwells on it over and over, it has become an "idolatrous view." She is basing her happiness solely on the fact of her husband becoming a Christian. Your hearts devotion should be to the Lord Jesus Christ--worshipping and serving Him. The Lord will do the drawing of your husband in His own timing.
As the wife of an unsaved husband devotes herself to the things of the Lord, she will begin to respond to her husband with "chaste and respectful behavior." She is still to be the submissive, respectful, loving, wife that God would have her to be. She is to have a respectful attitude in all things. I know that there may be times when the wife has responded in a godly manner and her husband's heart is still not softened. He may even respond with more cruel acts and unkind accusations. He may even decide that He wants to leave--walk out of the marriage.
I Corinthians chapter 7 deals with the regulation of marriage when there's an unbeliever involved. God is always for marriage. He established it and His guidelines for it were designed that we would be blessed as we lived according to those guidelines. However because of sin and our own sinful desires, we have so many different circumstances that we are dealing with in marriage today. But, with God, nothing has changed! He is still for marriage and His guidelines are still the same. We know this as we look at verses 10-16. Lets examine the truths that we see in this passage:
Throughout these verses--
-The Lord encourages the wife to not depart from her husband,
-If she does depart, He says to remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband, -To the husband He commands to not put his wife away (divorcement),
-He encourages the believing husband to dwell with his unbelieving wife and not to put her away,
-The woman who has an unbelieving husband is encouraged not to leave him.
-For the unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believer and the children also.
-God blesses all involved because of the honoring of the covenant and the believer's walk with God.
However God does recognize that the "unbeliever" may decide to leave and in verse 15 it says: "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart..." However, it should not be that the husband leaves because the wife nagged, behaved disrespectfully, or was rebellious.
The wife should have a clear conscious before God and her husband. Her life should reflect a submissive attitude before God and her husband. The wife should also be mindful of why she does what she does. Her life is to be an express image of the Love of Jesus Christ to her husband. Many times we forget this point and we respond selfishly. You always keep central in your thoughts that the Lord may allow you an opportunity to share your faith with your husband. What a joy this would be! However, if you are focusing on the wrong things, you may miss this opportunity.
Mrs. Peace touches on a key area that was very helpful to me. We really need to ask the Lord to help us make the most of our situations and to help us to be creative in our efforts of showing sincere love to our husbands. Some of us lack how to do this, however God is willing and able to help us show love if we will ask Him. The wife of an unbeliever can begin to seek to have a meaningful relationship with her husband as much as possible. A lot of times when there are so many differences involved, especially when the husband is not saved, we tend to build up a wall and focus on the things we can't do as a Christian. This sends a not-so-good message to our husbands. However, I believe that God does not want us to desert our husbands or be hostile towards them, but to seek to build on the commonalties that we do have. Focus on the good that you and he can do together. You can go places with Him, and be involved with his friends. You just have to be sure that you are not involved in any of his personal sins, such as drunkenness, sexual sin, lying, etc. The wife must know how to draw the line and to draw that line in a gracious manner.
The most valuable resource for you will be prayer. I have gone to the Lord many times and asked Him to help me approach my husband in the right manner. To humble me before Him. To help me point out first to him what I loved about him and to present my case in a nonjudgmental manner. God has honored every one of those prayers. Most times the outcome was wonderful and so was the response! Other times it didn't turn out as I had planned yet God is still teaching me to wait on Him and to respond in love ALWAYS. It was not easy at the beginning--especially since this was not the practice in my marriage. Yet I have resolved to honor the Lord and my husband in whatever I do. The Lord is always faithful and the lessons that I have learned are so valuable. I found that this type of approach takes a lot of preparation and prayer. Yet it yields the blessings of being obedient to the Lord and gives me such great joy when I know that I am pleasing to God. REMEMBER; your goal is not to appear self-righteous or make your husband uncomfortable. Your goal is to be a loving example of Christ.
Now let's look at our next Principal:
Principal #4: A submissive wife does not dishonor the word of God.
Titus 2:3-5 says: " ... being subject to her own husband that the word of God may not be dishonored."
To dishonor the word is to "malign, slander, speak against, or speak of as evil. When the wife is not submissive to her husband, she does bring shame to God's Word because she is not living up to the standards that God has "clearly" laid out for her. Your life must inward heart must reflect Christ; not just your outward words/works. Your heart must be changed first. Submission begins inwardly--in the heart. Anything other than "complete" obedience, and "godly" submission is not fitting nor is it proper behavior for a Christian wife because it brings a reproach against God and His Word. Colossians 3:18 tells us this: "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." We are submissive to our husbands because we want to walk in obedience to the Lord.
For many of us this lesson is not an easy one to swallow. Since we are surrounded by so many in the world who live and do as they please, we may find it a struggle to live godly. However we must remember that it was Christ who died for us. He is the One who truly loves us and has a blessed plan for our lives. When you resolve to obey God He always remains faithful to His promises. You must have a change of heart. Repentance begins in the heart. It involves having a desire to turn away from sin and to walk in righteousness. God will not turn you away. He longs to help those who are helpless and those whose spirit is broken. Cast your anxieties on Him. He will love you, He will comfort you and He will show you the way to live godly regardless of your marriage situation. It is my prayer that you will seek the Lord FIRST and Him ONLY.
May the Lord bless you as you seek to serve Him.
Pamm J.