In a daring dawn raid today police uncovered what amounted to one of the U.K.'s biggest underground nazi network.
Fruity Geroge and Scotch Ronnie were amongst the heroic team that undercovered mulitple CD_ROM's of "Mein Kamph", balaclaves, nazi unifoms and several whistles. Mossad were also thought to be involved but officials at the Israeli embassy declined comment.
Suspicions were raised when Rodney Snoddy, a leading Craigyhill vegetarian spotted semolina stains on the skirt of his 7 year old daughter. When quizzed as to how these stains appeared she sobbed out the whole sorry story. "They forced me tae eat it" said the youngster who, under British law, cannot be named, "Piano wires and sandbags were produced from the assembly hall and they kept taunting me. 'Eat that up ye wee bitch ye... it's gude for ye' was what they kept telling me. Well it seemed hours later and, after my fourth spoonfull of the mixture, I just couldn't take any more and boked all over the hall. It was flowing like Glenariff".
What followed was even more sinister. Whistles were blown and a full squad of seemingly middle aged wimmin threw off pinafores to reveal full Waffen SS fatigue uniforms. 30 paniced pupils fled the dining hall in horror to the deafining chorus of "Duetchland Deuthcland Uber Alles".
The nazi ring had threatened all pupils with decapitation should they reveal the true nature of their identity.
George Hewitt was not available for comment and his calls to his private Zepplin remained unanswered.