This probably isn't the page some of you thought you were going to
find. WELL, it's still the same old site. Just with a new look.
There have been some changes made. *<[:o) For one
thing, all my genealogy stuff has been moved to Rootsweb.
It gives me a LOT more storage space as my family tree grows.
For another, some of you will find out something about me
you didn't know already. BUT, that's ok. You see, I'm perfectly at home
with who I am. I find it a lot easier if I don't have to pretend. I
don't have to try to remember who knows what.
Recently I have been buying DVD's of the new Dr. Who
series. While I really like the older series format I think the new
series has a lot going for it. I understand that The first season
doctor only did one season . Shame really. Anyway, if your a Dr. Who
fan like myself you will enjoy it.
Another thing that I'm REAL happy about
is that we have been back to Mars [
well, kinda at least ]. I hope "we" get there in person someday. What
if Christopher Columbus had said "Hell no, I'm not sailing off into the
unknown. Send a robot instead. It's to dangerous." Or if Lewis and
Clark had said the same thing. Sure there's huge risk. Any great
exploration in history has cost lives. BUT, it didn't stop the
exploration. I'm a HUGE Sci-Fi
fan. Have been since I was a teen. The exploration of space is kind of
a realization of my day dreams.
Along somewhat related lines comes UFO's.
Have I ever seen one? Well, by
definition anything seen flying that can't be identified is a UFO so I
guess maybe I have a couple times. Were they extraterrestrial? I dunno.
BUT, they were flying and I still don't know what the heck they were.
The thing is, as far as I'm concerned the cruelest joke that God could
play on "us" would to be alone in the universe. I hope there are
other "people" out there somewhere.
Amongst my other hobbies is Ham Radio, Computers,
and beer making. The problem with the beer making is, I DON'T DRINK
ENOUGH TO MAKE IT WORTHWHILE! I "bought" a twelve pack a year ago and
have about eight cans left. I guess I'm waiting on it to age.
Now a
bit more about me personally.
I'm a sixty
something year old transsexual that is making
a BIG change in my life. If the idea is obnoxious to you please feel
free
to leave. If you have an honest interest and would like to ask any real
questions
feel free to e-mail. I will try to answer any real, honest questions.
I spent 40+ years trying to be something
I'm not. Now
I'm becoming what I always knew I was. Over the next several years I
will
become, to the outside world, a woman. It is not something I undertake
without
great trepidation. It will not be an easy path. It has already had
great
cost in my personal life. And it will probably have even more.
I have known ever since I was five years
old that I wasn't
like the other boys, or maybe I should say girls. There were four of us
in
the block where I grew up that were about the same age. As most kids
will
do we found a place in a back yard where we couldn't be seen and played
a little doctor. I remember thinking that there was something wrong. I
wasn't
supposed to have one of these, I was supposed to have one
of those. An "innie" not an "outie". Some might find it strange that
even
at that early an age I "knew" somewhere deep inside that things didn't
match. I had always identified with the girls around me. If there were
boys
and girls I always gravitated towards the girls and what they were
doing
not the boys and what they were doing. As time went on I tried to be
what the world thought I was. Went into the military, got married,
had a family. I tried very hard to be the perfect husband and
father.
This has nothing to do with sex. This has
to do with the
gender identity I have always had inside me. Sex is an act that you
perform.
Gender is what you are. Sex is between the legs. Gender is between your
ears. There have been studies done that are well on the way to
proving that Male-to-Female Transsexuals have, in a way, always been
right.
They are women trapped in a mans body. They have studied the brains of
deceased
M-t-F Transsexuals gay males and females, and "normal" males and
females that show that M-t-F's have a structure to their brains that is
the
same as in female brains. [ to read the report you will need Adobe
Acrobat
reader ] Read Report
Over the past three years I
have been from the heights
of ecstasy to the depths of depression and survived the journey. [ See
second quote to the top left ]
I'm beginning to feel the real
pull of transition.
Don't know how long before I am forced to make that huge step. I know
that
I'm not ready just yet. Still have a few things unfinished. Need more
therapy
sessions to work out a few bugs and lots of electrolysis. Most of all I
need
to reconcile a great love that I have found.
OK, I know this is going to
sound strange coming
after the statements above. But my great love and I have been
married. Yes,
she knows everything. The first time
we met in person I was wearing a dress. We met through a couple mutual
friends
over the net and had been corresponding for some time. Over a period of
two
years or so we met as often as possible for weekends as friends. With
the
death and all of my stepfather in 2000 I realized the uncertainties of
life
and became determined to tell Tracie just how I felt about her. So in
October
I took a couple days off to be with her and told her just how I felt.
It
hasn't always been a smooth time but we are now happy as a couple bugs
in
a rug. I think I love her more everyday, if thats possible. I hope that
everyone
can find a love such as I have found.
For all those that come after,
there are a few things
that no one ever tells you about hormones.
The changes in your body are profound and very exiting. Your skin feels
SO much more alive. More sensitive to touch. The very fabric of your
clothes feels much nicer against the skin. Yes, the breasts do grow.
But
its a double edged sword. They are tender and sensitive most of the
time. You DON'T EVEN want to bump one into something. Puberty is NOT
all its cracked up to be. And puberty is exactly what you go through
with HRT. Some mention the mood swings, those I haven't experienced
yet. But what I have experienced is a profound change in my emotions. I
feel everything much more intensely. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I
no longer experience the towering rages that I did before the hormone
replacement began. Its really quite incredible.
(o:]>* Huggles *<[:o)
Billie
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