"I guess I should have got somebody to take me home."
I looked up from my computer. There stood my husband. He had been in bed for an hour or so. He had spent most of the day watching our neighbors get their new manufactured home moved in. He had enjoyed riding up to the top of the driveway on his electric scooter, and marveled at how adept the men were at their job. Later, after supper, he said he was really tired, and thought he'd go ahead to bed. Now here he was telling me this!
"You are home, dear", I said as I got up to help him back to bed. "No, this is just some house I pulled in here on wheels, with my truck today. I don't live here. This isn't my house". I said, "Do you know who I am?" He looked at me for a long time, and finally said, "No, I don't believe I do."
Arthur had been a steamfitter for all of his working life. He learned the trade in 1942, in the Portland shipyards. He joined the Navy when he was 17, and was discharged for the last time in 1955. He worked at a number of jobs, then ran into a fellow he'd worked with in the shipyards who was still in the trade. He went to the Union, found that Arthur was still on the books, so in 1963 he went back to steamfitting, working construction on chemical plants, paper-mills, and such.
We used to plan our trips to town. Once a week we would go in. On the third of the month, we would go in, eat breakfast, pay our bills, and go to the grocery store. In the middle of the month, we would go in, eat breakfast, and do all our recycling, and go to the grocery store. The rest of the month, we would go in as we needed to. Sometimes we would go in just for the heck of it, and eat breakfast. Retirement is swell when you don't have to do anything. Once a month we had to go to the clinic and Arthur would get his blood drawn for his protime test.(That's the clotting test.) Once in a while we would meet Don and Helen at Izzy's for lunch. Life was good.
In 1983, at age 57, he retired due to lack of work, and the fact he could take his Union pensions. Things went along well, for a couple of years. At first, he busied himself with selling firewood. He would stand out all day, splitting fir with an ax. We had a lot of logging done, and he would drag up the slash with his tractor, and cut it to length, and split it.
He bought a satellite dish so we could watch the ball games in season. We built a couple of carports; we had a pole barn built; and he really enjoyed taking part in all of this. We went to LSM-18 reunions, (from WWII), and planned projects and carried them out.
We used to plan projects here at home. Arthur planned a porch and steps off the kitchen door, and my daughter and her husband came up and helped him. He liked to say it took him 2 years to figure out how he wanted it, and with their help, it only took 2 days to build it. He also figured out a doghouse for them, and they built it in 2 days with him telling them what to do. That only took him 1 day to figure out.
He had been a smoker since he was a little kid, and he started having some shortness of breath, so one morning in 1985, he announced he would smoke no more! He didn't! What he did do was chew gum, and eat candy. He also quit coughing, and breathing heavy at night, and the first week of non-smoking, it was so quiet at night I kept waking up to see if he was still alive! In June of 1986, he was diagnosed with Adult-onset Diabetes.
He asked me who I was. I told him I was his wife Marge. He said he knew Marge, and I wasn't her. I took our picture off the wall, and asked him who it was. He said that it was Marge and him. I asked him if it didn't look like me? He said it was a trick, I was making me look like her, but it wouldn't work because I didn't look at all like her.
Doctor B. put him on micronase, and all went well. He strained his back in April 1985, so he spent a lot of time enjoying his satellite dish. He started complaining about shortness of breath again in August, 1988. Doctor B. put him on Bumex for fluid retention.The doctor felt he was probably in the very early stages of Congestive Heart Failure, but things went back to normal when his back got better.
I would always take Arthur with me when I went to the store. I would lock the doors, and roll down the windows. He would be perfectly content to sit and watch the people going by. When I would come out, he would mention that he saw somebody he knew. Sometimes he would remember the name, sometimes not. But he liked to get out, and this was a good way to do it. His arthritic knees were a real blessing at this time, because I knew if he did decide to run off, he wouldn't get very far.
In the 50's, Arthur had cartilage removed from his left knee and it bothered him from time to time. The Orthopedic doctor recommended he use a cane when it hurt, to take the weight off of it. This helped a lot. He also recommended some exercise, (which was ignored.)
I screwed little metal clips to the walls for him to stick his cane in. I put one by his recliner, one in the bathroom, one out on the porch by his chair, and one in the bedroom on his bedstand.. Some nights when he would start for bed, he would say "Now let's see. Where am I sleeping tonight?" I would tell him straight down the hall to the end. He would go down the hall, go in the bedroom, turn on his little lamp, and put his cane in the clip! Now he remembered the clip and the lamp, but not where the bedroom was?
In March, 1990, he was down in the woods working, and I didn't hear the saw or the tractor, so I walked down there, and he was sitting on a log, staring off into space. I said "Did you eat any lunch?" He said "No, I wanted to get this log up." I told him to come on up, it was getting too hot, so he got on the tractor and came back to the house. I got him a sandwich, and he was just looking around sort of funny, and I said "What's the matter?" He said "Where's this place?" He thought I was some woman from down the road. Well, I checked his blood sugar, and it was really low, so we chalked the confusion up to that. Within 15 minutes after eating, he was fine.
He would look out the windows some mornings, and decide we were in some far corner of the country, in yet another duplicate house. I finally got tired of trying to convince him, and would just nod my head and say "Oh! That's nice, isn't it." He would just shrug his shoulders and go watch TV or take a nap.
One day, we went over to meet our friends at the Sizzler, and by the time we got there, he couldn't breathe. We went right back home, and I took him to the Urgent care. The doctor looked at him as he came through the door, and said "Oh I see you are having a heart attack. We better get you to the hospital." The ambulance was called, he was given a shot of lasix, and away we went. When we all got to the hospital, he was inundated by people coming in to listen, poke and prod. Nobody seemed to find what they expected. The lasix worked its magic, and after filling 2 or 3 bottles, he felt fine. However they kept him for a few days, running tests. The upshot of it all was that he had Congestive Heart Failure, with enlarged heart, and he wound up on 3 more pills: Coumadin to prevent clotting, and two heart medications to help his heart beat strong and slow.
He would sit in the living room and look around, then he would say "They sure went to a lot of trouble to duplicate these houses. They even have duplicate medals on the wall". I would say "where do you think this house is?" One time it was in Florida, another time it was in Minneapolis. Then it was down at Healdsburg in CA. They were all duplicates, he assured me, built by someone who was trying to confuse him.
Life went on, with little bouts of shortness of breath, and various aches and pains. He spent a lot of his time sitting in the recliner, watching TV, and snoozing. His appetite was good, although while in the hospital, he lost his sense of smell and taste. This limited his diet, as he couldn't taste anything. He said food had no charm. He had hashbrowns and eggs for breakfast and supper, (because he said he could remember how they tasted) and a sandwich for lunch. But he ate well, and plenty of it!
One day, for a treat, I stopped at an Italian restaurant and got a combination meal to take home. I divided it up on two plates, and said "Here! This ought to tickle your taste buds!" I tasted mine, and boy, was it spicy! He ate his, and remarked that it was "like eating wallpaper paste!".
On Feb. 24th, 1995, he was watching TV when he said he couldn't breathe. He was gasping. I shoved him in the car, and took him to the fire department in town. They put oxygen on him, and rushed him to the hospital in Portland. I followed in the car. They gave him a shot of Lasix, so by the time we got to the hospital, he was ready to fill some jars. After he filled the jars, he felt swell. They kept him overnight and sent him home the next morning.
Our daughter-in-law was sitting on the couch, and Arthur was in his recliner. They were watching a movie on TV. He leaned over and whispered to her, "Pardon me, but just exactly who are you?". She whispered back, "I'm Sharon!" He said "Oh", and went on watching the movie.
He started sleeping poorly at night. He would go to bed around 9:30, and fall asleep. At midnight, he would wake up, get dressed and wander out of the bedroom. I would ask him why he was up, and he would invariably tell me he thought it was morning. He would wander out to the living room, and fall asleep in the recliner. This went on every night for months.
One day, I was checking our e-mail, and he was watching a baseball game on TV. The next thing, there was a terrible thump, the house shook, and I could hear the car engine. I rushed outside, and there was the car right up against the house, with Arthur in it. The window was down far enough so I could get my hand in and unlock the door, and then turn the engine off. I yelled at him to get out of the car. He got out, muttered about the brakes being no good, and went in the house. I thought he had got into the car and just plunged into the house! I took his car and truck keys off his ring when he wasn't looking.
One evening, he announced he was having a stroke. Well, the next morning when we got to the doctor, he had indeed had one, but it left no damage.The doctor sent him to therapy, and they gave him some exercises to do at home. Well, we all know how that went.
We spent a lot of time going through the photo album of past reunions, trying to bring back memories of who was who on the ship. I knew how devastating it would be for him if we got to the reunion, and he didn't remember anyone.
Sometimes, in the morning, or when he would wake up, he would have momentary confusion, which would pass right away, so we didn't think much of it. We chalked it up to low blood sugar. When he slept, his breathing was deep and smooth. When he was awake, it was shallow, and erratic.
Some days later, the neighbor said "You know, the other day my wife said 'Look, there goes Art in the car!' I dashed out, and he had stopped at the top of the drive. I said hi to him, and asked him where he was going. He said he had no idea even where he was, so he guessed he'd better go back to that house, He just backed up, turned around, and went back down the driveway." I told him " thank goodness you were there!". Arthur might have just kept going, and who knows what might have happened. Then my daughter drove the car, and complained that I had the seat back so far, she couldn't reach the pedals. Then I knew why Arthur couldn't stop the car! I am long-legged, and he was short-legged! I felt better about the whole thing.
In September,1995, we went to our LSM reunion at Mt.Rushmore even though he had a hard time getting around. He really enjoyed going. They would wheelchair him around in the airports, but he was able to walk down to the plane. He could walk 40 or 50 feet before his knees would give out, so we were able to go and enjoy 'most everything.
One night, he gathered his Romeo slippers, put his electric razor inside one, and put a big rubber-band around them. He announced that he would be leaving on the bus. He went out into the dark, and stood under the far end of the car-port with his cane, and his "I'm fat but you're ugly" cap on. It was really dark. I stood on the porch and watched him. Finally, he turned and looked at me and said "I guess there isn't going to be a bus, is there." I said "No, there isn't". He came back into the house, and sat down in his chair to watch TV. I went to the bedroom and wept.
March 26th, 1996 on a routine visit to the doctor, the doctor warned him about his inactivity, that he needed to move around more. I brought his stationary bicycle back into the house. He liked to sit in his chair and look at it. He took naps in the daytime, and then at night, he wouldn't be sleepy. I took him with me everywhere I went, so that he would get out of the house, even if he didn't get out of the car.
He would have terrible nightmares, and one night he jumped out of bed and hurried into the kitchen yelling "Keep away from me! Don't hit me anymore!" I dashed after him, and reached for him, and he grabbed the kitchen shears and waved them at me, yelling "Stay away!" He ran outside in the night. A few minutes later he came back in, laid the shears down, crawled back in bed and went to sleep. Then I realized he was holding the shears backwards. Pretty scary being faced with a pair of handles!
On October 25, 1996, he had another small stroke, but didn't seem to suffer any lasting effects. We purchased an electric scooter for him to ride. The thought was that he would have more mobility. He did ride it up and down the driveway a few times. He started to lose muscle mass in his legs and shoulders.
We went over to Izzy's restaurant to meet our friends Don and Helen for lunch. They were already there when we arrived. When we got there, he wouldn't get out of the car. He said he was supposed to go with Marge to have lunch at Izzy's with Don and Helen. I told him that's where we were. Don came out, and said "Hi, Art". I said "See, there's Don". He mumbled something about Marge was really going to be mad, but he got out of the car. Helen was waiting inside on the bench in the foyer. He wasn't too sure about who Don was, but when we went in, he walked right over to her and said "Hi, Helen, where's Don?" Later, while I was filling his plate, he leaned over to Helen and said "I'm not sure who she is. I think she might be my caregiver." Poor Helen almost fell off the chair.
In January,1997 our LSM reunion was planned for Townsend, Tennessee in September. We purchased a folding travel chair to take with us. I made our plane reservations. They were non-refundable. For the next 9 months, I reminded him at least twice a week, that we had NON-REFUNDABLE tickets for the reunion so he had better stay well!
One night, he announced that the house had been hauled aboard a Liberty ship, and we were going for a cruise, and he wished they'd hurry up and get going. Well, when daylight came, and I showed him out the window that there was grass, and trees around, he just shrugged and said something about the tide being out.
February 4, 1997, Dr. B. pointed out that he was losing leg muscle because he wasn't doing anything. He begged him to get out on his scooter, walk outside into the yard, anything! In the afternoon, when it was warm enough, we would sit out on the porch, have a soda and watch the grass grow.
He really enjoyed watching baseball games. That was one reason for getting the satellite dish. He enjoyed the Mariners and the Cubs. All of a sudden, he didn't want to watch any more. I asked him why, and was informed that when they put three teams on the field, he couldn't keep track. I told him there were only two teams, but he told me to watch, and I'd see. Well, somebody in the dugout had on a sweatshirt that said Seattle on it, and the players' shirts said Mariners. So when that person with the sweatshirt went out to talk to the pitcher, that made three teams. The problems with the Cubs games were different. They had one team that played when it was their turn at bat, and another team playing when it was their turn in the field.
Then came May 20, 1997. He had spent most of the day sitting on his scooter up at the top of our driveway, where our neighbors were having their new manufactured home moved in. He was most impressed with the equipment the movers had, and how clever they were jockeying that big double-wide into that space! When he came back down to our house, he ate supper, and we watched TV for a while. Around 9:00, he said he was really tired, and thought he'd go to bed. He wanted to get up early so he could watch the movers in the morning when they would finish the job. I helped him to bed, and then I went into the next room to go on the computer. The next thing I heard was……
"I guess I should have got somebody to take me home"
It really threw me. I got him back to bed, by telling him we'd take care of it in the morning. I honestly thought it would go away, like the other little incidents had. The next morning, we were at the doctor's office first thing. He put him on some medication to keep him calm, and told me to monitor his blood sugar. He scheduled blood tests, looking for something, some reason. We adjusted his medications, to see if it made any difference. Nothing helped. Doctor B. was going on vacation for a month, and so I was on my own. I had to learn various innovative ways to keep him home. I told him that the doctor wouldn't be back for a month, so we had to stay in the house until he got back. Well, he fell for that for quite a while, but assured me that as soon as the doctor came back, he was going home.
I was invited to a Support group meeting for Alzheimer's spouses and caregivers. Everybody who is involved with something like that should have a Support group. Here were these dear ladies with their husbands in nursing homes. They went to visit as often as they could. Some had been in the nursing home for 2 or 3 years! None of their husbands even knew who they were. The caregivers were so patient. They all had stories to tell, but they were all so sad! I told my stories, and mine were funny, and made them laugh. I certainly brightened the atmosphere! As I drove home, after that first meeting, I prayed…"There but for the Grace of God go I. Thank you, Lord".
We had an exciting month. The doctor came back in July. We went over all that had been tried, all that had made no difference. Doctor B. said "Well, I think he has Multi-Infarct Dementia." I felt better right away. I had been afraid of Alzheimer's, except that his memory came and went. I had no idea what MID was. It had something to do with little clots in the brain, bouncing around, disturbing the memories.
We went to the Sizzler restaurant for chicken and dumplings one Sunday afternoon. When we got back home, I said "Boy, that was good". He said "What?" I said "The chicken & dumplings we just had!" He replied "Well, I didn't have any. Gary came and we went up to Rainier, and he took me up in his plane" Well, he hadn't seen Gary in years, Gary doesn't fly, much less own a plane. A week later, out of the blue, he said "Boy, that was good! We should go there again soon." I said "Where?" He looked at me and said "Well, over to the Sizzler for Chicken & Dumplings!"
I arrived at several conclusions about MID. It didn't seem to be a permanent memory loss. It would bring forth a memory from years past, but with no time frame. It was like it happened 5 minutes ago. It would blot out a memory today, and bring it back next week. It caused hallucinations. A folded blanket became a dog lying on the bed. A coat over a chair in a dark corner, was a man sitting there carrying on a conversation. Memories came and went, completely out of context.
He would ask me when his oldest son (who is now 50) would graduate from high school. He would talk about his brother calling him on the phone. That particular brother has been dead for years. Things that happened years ago had just happened five minutes ago, according to him.
I reminded him constantly about our non-refundable tickets to the LSM Reunion in Tennessee. I would get out our photo album, and show him the pictures of the crew, and go over their names. When he got his memory back, in August, he knew them all. He sure struggled with them before that, though. He would look, and then say that he remembered the face, but……..
July 16, 1997, Doctor B. said there was a new Alzheimer's medication out that we might try as a last resort. He wasn't sure how it attacked memory loss, because although the symptoms were the same with the MID and the Alzheimer's, they came from different angles. It was called Aricept. We started him on it right away.
He had been on the Aricept for about 3 weeks when I noticed a subtle difference in him. He quit talking about going home, for one thing. I asked him who I was, and he looked at me like I had rocks in my head, and said "You're my wife. What's the matter with you?" I said "Do you know where you are?" He said "Well, I hope I'm home! Don't you know?" I told him what had happened, and at first he thought I was making it up. Then he just laughed and laughed. I could have smacked him!
August 5, 1997 He remembered me!!!!! We were sitting in the living room, and I leaned over,and as I had asked over and over for the past four months, "Do you know who I am." He said "What a question! You're my wife!"
I wasn't able to get to another meeting for a few weeks, then Arthur became well, so I didn't feel I should go back. They had no hope for anything, and I had my husband back! However, I was persuaded to come back and tell them what had happened. So I went back, and shared the miracle of the Aricept with them. They were all very happy for Arthur and me, and I could see in their faces the wish that it would have been their loved one. I looked around, and felt such empathy for them. Theirs was a long road to nowhere. But the Lord never gives us so much to bear, that He doesn't give us the strength to bear it. All we have to do is ask. These are the times that I feel sad for those who have no Faith to fall back on.
September 4, 1997 I couldn't believe it…he had all his memory back. We went through the photo album for the LSM reunion group. He remembered them all. I asked him to name the grandkids from their pictures on the wall. He remembered everything! Praise the Lord Who guided the hands of the researchers who discovered Aricept!
There was a new person at that last meeting I attended. He was a gentleman who lived out in the country. His wife has Alzheimer's. He didn't want his neighbors to know, as he regarded it as an embarassment. So he kept her locked in the house. He put padlocks on the doors, on both sides, so he could lock her in at night, and she couldn't get out when he was asleep. She got out one day, while he was napping, and wandered off down the road. The neighbor saw her, and thought nothing of it. She had been gone about 20 minutes when he realized she was gone, and he took off down the road after her. The neighbor told him which way she went, and he caught up to her, and then had to fight her to get her back to the house. She screamed and yelled, and kicked him. He was really embarassed! The neighbor hadn't a clue, and thought they were just having a fight, and decided to keep out of it. Well, I told him he needed to tell all his neighbors about what was wrong. It wasn't her fault she was ill! I told him about Arthur and the car. If my neighbor hadn't known about the MID, He would just have waved and gone back to what he was doing, and Arthur might have kept on going….. to who knows where!
Unfortunately, his physical health still continued to deteriorate. He started a long, slow, gentle slide. We had a wonderful reunion in Tennessee, and he remembered all his stories about the war, but remembered nothing of his dementia. He really enjoyed hearing about the weird things he said and did during that time.
The hilarious part of all this is that when he came out of it, he remembered nothing. He got the biggest kick about the whole thing, and when we would go someplace, when the subject of his illness would come up, he would say "Tell them about when I did so-and-so, or such-and-such." Then he'd sit there and relish every moment of the telling.
In November, I noticed his blood sugar was staying really low. Doctor B. suggested dropping the micronase until his sugar went up again. He said because his kidneys were sluggish, he wasn't throwing off his natural insulin. He was very tired most of the time. We had a good Thanksgiving, with family, and much to be thankful for. Arthur had regular pumpkin pie for the first time in many years. He was really thankful!
His first "very own" great-grandson, was born in October, 1997. We went to see him in November. He was thrilled. The following April, his second great-grandson arrived. We were able to get up to see him the first of May. Arthur was very weak, and got tired so easily, but it was worth the effort. He didn't live to see his third one, a little girl who was born in August.
We had a wonderful Christmas in 1997. Lots of family around, and good food and fellowship. A happy time, with much reason for joy. Arthur enjoyed having the grandchildren around, although he was very tired most of the time. He and Karmel would snooze in the chair, but when it came time for presents, he woke up and paid attention. Karmel just kept on snoozing.
Karmel stays real close to Arthur these days. It's as though he knows Arthur is not doing well. He gets as close as he can, stretches out and goes to sleep. Arthur enjoys him so.
On January 19, 1998- Arthur had a period of confusion. Doctor B. upped the Aricept to 10 mgs, and the confusion stayed slight. It would come and go. But he never forgot me, or where we were living. I would ask him every morning if he knew who I was and where he was, and he would say "You are my wife!" and "I'm home, of course." Then he would say "Why are you asking me that?" He never remembered having the dementia.
He used to enjoy playing Solitaire, and working word puzzles. In the winter, that would be his past-time, along with TV. When he had the MID, he forgot how to play cards, and he would scatter them all over the table. The word-puzzles made no sense to him at all. When he came out of the MID, the puzzles came out, and he started right in working them and playing Solitaire like he'd never stopped. Our life started in again.....
