"Did we fall asleep or something?" he asked huskily. Absently he cleared his throat and stood up on shaky legs. He’d fallen asleep with his leg beneath his body and the tingles began to course through it.

"No, Einstein, we’re waking up because we stayed awake. You must still be asleep." Michelle laughed as Alex’s leg tried to buckle under him. He grabbed her shoulder and she steadied him. "Why don’t you just sit down until you’ve gathered your wits," she suggested with just a little tremor in her voice from the suppressed laughter. From the disgruntled look on Alex’s face, he wasn’t in the humor to be laughed at.

Michelle cleaned off the table and swept up the crumbs. She took everything into the kitchen and when she returned to Alex he seemed to be up and running. His eyes had cleared and the imprint of her hair on his cheek was beginning to disappear. "Okay, okay, stupid question. What time is it?" He searched for a clock but the only one was on the VCR, which happened to be right behind him. Michelle craned her head around Alex’s shoulder and said, "It is five forty nine and Mom should be here anytime now."

Alex was watching Michelle as her eyes all of a sudden lit up. He knew an idea had struck and was just waiting for it. "I know what we could do! Why don’t we make dinner? Then it would be all ready for Mom when she gets home." Alex tried to fend off her words by shaking his head but she had the bit in her teeth and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

"Michelle, me and stoves just don’t get along. Macaroni and cheese and soup are as far as my culinary talents go. When the stove sees me it automatically thinks ‘Burn!’ My mom finally learned to keep away from the kitchen." He gave a rueful, little laugh and shook his head again at the preposterous idea of him cooking. Michelle grabbed his arm, gave him a stern no-nonsense look and dragged him into the kitchen.

Tallia arrived home a little later than expected and Michelle had to re-heat the food. The table was set with a tablecloth and a formal silver ware setting. When Alex had looked lost after being told to clean the chicken Michelle ordered him out of the food area and had him set the table instead.

When Michelle’s mom walked through the kitchen door, her eyes fell upon the elegant table settings and the food dispersed around the table on her best china.

"We figured we could have dinner ready by the time you got home so. . ." Michelle gestured to the chair reserved for her mom and poured a glass of water, "we made Chicken a la King. Hope you like it." Michelle sat down after Tallia had seated herself and then the men followed.

Tallia didn’t know what to say. She knew from previous experience that Michelle abhorred the kitchen and the jobs that the room entailed, especially cooking! And yet there on the table was a full meal. When Tallia remained silent, Dylan led the family and guest in prayer and began to eat. Once Tallia had sampled everything on her plate and found everything pleasing to the palate she broke her astonished silence.

"Michelle, this is wonderful! I didn’t even know that you knew what Chicken a la King was, much less how to make it!" Tallia turned to Dylan. "Did you have a hand in this surprise, honey?" When Dylan gave a negative shake of his head Tallia’s face took on an awe-filled expression. "Well done, Michelle. I’ll have to let you cook more often." Michelle’s mom laughed at the horrified expression on the girl’s face.

"Don’t you dare! You have no idea how hard it is to understand all the frustrating little abbreviations on recipe cards. How was I supposed to know that Tbs. is tablespoon and not one of the little spoons?!" Michelle was exasperated. "Oh no you don’t. I won’t cook a major meal by myself unless it’s absolutely necessary ever again!" She punctuated her statement with a vicious gnashing of her teeth through a piece of chicken.

Tallia laughed again and the meal finished to the tale of the new job offered by the Kyneeses, told, of course, by the still excited Danny. Michelle was pleased with herself and her mom’s reaction to the dinner. The only thing dampening her meal was her father’s stoniness towards Alex. What Danny had said about her father being upset didn’t click until now, but it was clear to Michelle that something was definitely bothering him.

When Alex had set the table, he had made it so that he and Michelle could sit next to each other but Dylan had taken Alex’s spot next to Michelle and then situated Danny across from the teen so that he was across from Alex. Dylan had never had any problems with Alex before and Michelle couldn’t figure out why, all of a sudden, he did. Maybe he’s just had a busy day and is really tired, Michelle speculated. She continued eating and pretended not to notice her father’s upset silence. Her one consolation was that her mom was very happy.

After the meal Tallia insisted upon her doing the dishes, shooing Alex and Michelle out of the kitchen when they suggested doing the dishes themselves. For the first time in a long time Dylan did not retire into the living room with his son after the meal. As the couple walked out into the night, Michelle heard her parents talk as Dylan took up the drying towel and helped his doubly surprised wife do the dishes.

Michelle and Alex just wandered around the ranch, their first stop being the barn. Both checked on their own charges and reported that all was well.

"Is Spirit still sleeping?" inquired Michelle.

"Yep. I’m beginning to wonder if I should’ve called him Sleeper instead. Is Fancy resting okay?"

Michelle looked into the black mare’s stall and smiled and almost motherly smile. Alex noted that it suited her quite nicely. "Uh huh. She’s eating and was standing when we first came in so. . ." She left the sentence dangling and Alex led her out of the barn.

They drifted around the workers’ quarters, one window aglow with soft yellow light, the other two already dark, the people behind preparing for yet another early day.

"Michelle, why don’t your helpers eat with you like in the movies? Especially Aaron?"

"It’s by choice, theirs. My parents offered when we first took them on but they opted to eat on their own. Besides, their little cottages have full kitchens and everything, the square foot is just smaller." Michelle shrugged. "As for Aaron – I don’t really know. He just never has. Except for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Then everyone eats together so long as they don’t have to go visit family. Why do you ask now?"

It was Alex’s turn to shrug. "Oh, I don’t know. I thought of the question last summer but I got so caught up with other things-," this with such a significant look at Michelle that she blushed, "-it slipped my mind."

Their rambling steps took them to the hill behind the spread. From half way up the slight rise, one could see practically the whole plateau. The muted lights from the big house and the one hand that was still up could not compare to the light shed by the almost full moon. The flat land was awash with a silvery light, the scene like one out of Michelle’s fantasy stories. From the forest behind them and to both sides, night noises could be distinguished, from the occasional hooting owl to the small mice that the flying predators preyed on. The faint chuckling of the small stream could be heard through the still night and the faintest of breezes played with the leaves and Michelle’s loose hair. When Alex looked up all the stars that had impressed him so greatly were still there, a little washed out due to the brightness of the moon.

Michelle and Alex sat down on the cool ground and he used the chill of the night as an excuse to wrap her in his arms. She snuggled closer to the warmth of his body, making some snide remark about the uselessness of blankets when God kept creating warm oafs like Alex. She murmured just loud enough so that Alex caught the warm oaf part. He pulled away to punish her but after looking into her dew drop eyes he held her even closer. Michelle gave a self-satisfied little laugh and Alex gave up.

"Yes, yes, go on. Be proud of yourself. I can’t get around the fact that I’m totally hooked on you. Is that any fault of mine?"

Michelle hurrumphed. "So now loving me is a fault? I don’t think Johnny would agree with you," Michelle taunted. She expected to get a rise out of him but for some reason he sighed sympathetically.

"You have no idea how hard it is for Johnny to love you. Cause he does, you know? Loving you, for him, means letting you choose to be with me. I can tell you how hard that would be for me; it’s no different for him. But no, loving you is not a fault, just a challenge. Hopefully with a worthwhile prize at the end." Alex looked down at Michelle but her eyes were giving away nothing.

Alex leaned over to kiss Michelle and when his lips met hers a current ran through her body. As Alex pressed closer, Michelle could feel a new urgency coursing through him. It made her nervous. She began to pull away but Alex held her against him so tightly that Michelle was gasping for breath. Her eyes shot wide open when he began to pull her down onto the ground, his hand sliding down her side.

"No, Alex, not yet. Please. . ." Michelle pleaded.

Alex kissed her harder and held her to the ground. She became frantic and kicked him hard in the shin. Alex rolled over, a long line of expletives exploding from his mouth. Michelle scrambled away from him and onto her feet. Alex finally stopped cursing and sat up, his hair disheveled and dirt on his cheek.

Michelle watched as it dawned on him what he had almost done. A horrified expression haunted his eyes and he reached for her hand to apologize. With out thinking, Michelle backed away, leaving Alex to grab for air. She was breathing erratically and her blue eyes were wide with shock, distrust floating beneath the fear. He drew his hand back and held it to his chest as if he had hurt it. He worked his mouth, trying to make it form the right words.

"Michelle – what – oh, my God!! What did I just do? Oh, Michelle, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it, I swear. I just wanted to kiss you but – oh, my God! I can’t believe it. I’m so sorry, Michelle. I didn’t mean it." Alex lurched to his feet and started towards Michelle, who was huddled on her knees, trembling.

When Michelle saw Alex coming closer she threw out a frantic hand to hold him off and a small scream leapt from her throat. "No! Stay away from me. Don’t come closer. I trusted you, Alex. How could you? I trusted you." Michelle’s eyes were filled with hurt and an almost feral glint lit them up. Her throat constricted with a sob but she held it down. Slowly she got to her feet, never taking her eyes off of Alex’s moist face.

For he was crying. The tears were slowly leaking from his eyes now that the full realization of what he had almost done hit him full force. He fell heavily to his knees and pressed his forehead into the earth. When he looked up Michelle was already running back to the ranch. He let out a mournful cry and cursed himself for losing control. All he had wanted to do was kiss her, but the heat from her body had drawn him in and he lost all control. He thanked God that Michelle had kicked him for if she hadn’t. . . Alex flung his thoughts away from that scenario. The fact was that she did stop him. But Michelle would never trust him like before. The thought of the pain and confusion that he had caused her ripped another wail from his throat. Why did he have to love her so much and want her so much? He savagely told himself that what he almost did to her was not an example of his undying love.

He looked up again and Michelle had already reached the house. He held his breath as she neared the kitchen. If Dylan and Tallia, or Aaron for that matter, found out about what he did, he would never be welcome at their house again. Do you deserve to after tonight?, he asked himself. They bring you into their house and accept you and you proceed to terrorize their daughter. What hurt him the most was the thought that he had lost the girl he supposedly loved, although after tonight he’d be hard put to convince Michelle that he did love her.

A tremor of relief shivered through Alex when he realized that Michelle was going to go up the back way. He slithered down the slope and sneaked, like a dog with his tail between his legs, up the back way. He made the two steps to his room and shut the door. He could still hear everyone downstairs. Everyone but Michelle. From the sounds coming from her room she was weeping into her pillow. He tried the connecting door but she had locked it. The crying stopped as soon as he turned the handle but resumed once she realized that he couldn’t get in.

Alex hung his head in shame. Michelle was scared of him. What was he going to do?

He shot off his bed when he heard Michelle’s hall door ease open. He swung open his own door only in time to catch the bathroom door slam shut. He was about to go back in his room but instead crept next to the bathroom door where, when Michelle stepped out of the room, she would not be able to see him. After a minute he heard the faucet run and the door opened a little bit. Michelle warily looked in the direction of his room and when she noted the closed door, and assumed that Alex was behind that closed door, she quietly stepped out of the bathroom and headed for her room.

Then she saw Alex. He could see the indecision in her face: run to her room or see what he had to say. The former didn’t win, but neither did the latter.

"Stay away from me until you know whether you can control yourself," she whispered. "I wouldn’t want you to see me and not be able to-," she cut off sharply when Alex placed his fingertips on her wrist. He held back the wail of frustration when she flinched from his touch and the uncertainty in her eyes turned to fear. He dropped his hand back to his side and just stood there. Michelle looked between him and her room. Alex watched as she walked through her door and heard the almost inaudible click as she locked her door against him.

He trudged back to his room and cursed himself until he realized that damning himself wouldn’t win Michelle back. He thought of trying to talk to Michelle again but she was in no mood to listen to his pitiful drivel. In her eyes, it must look like the whole time he’d been with them, he’d only been biding his time to get her alone and ‘easy.’

But whenever he was around Michelle he wanted to cover her with kisses and the effort it took to curb his desire left him drained. Each time she let him kiss her, it wasn’t enough; he wanted more. That was the way that Michelle seemed to affect him.

Alex pulled himself up short. He was making excuses where excuses were unacceptable. He was the one at fault, not Michelle. She had no more idea the effect she had over Alex than the sun did. It was just her.

He got up and tried the handle again to the connecting door but it was still locked. So instead of moping and wearing the carpet thin from his pacing, Alex sat down and wrote to his parents. He told them about the wonderful time he was having and about Spirit. He said he couldn’t wait for them to come out and that he would see them in a couple of weeks. He didn’t say that he had ruined what had been perfect. He didn’t tell them about the mess he’d gotten into with Michelle. That was something he had to do in person, so they could see the shame and anguish he felt.

When the letter was finished he sealed it in an envelope and set it on the desk to mail the next day. He could hear the radio playing in Michelle’s room and tried to find the station on his own but finally decided that she was listening to a tape because he couldn’t find any matching stations.

Alex ended up sprawled on his bed, his mind blank of everything but the incident. He played it over and over in his mind, trying to figure out where he went wrong and eventually how he could fix it, if Michelle decided he deserved the chance.

After fleeing Alex and his haunted eyes, Michelle hid in her room, wishing it was all just a bad dream. She put a tape in her player and curled up in a chair, which looked out the window.

She couldn’t understand what had happened out there. One minute they were happy and the next Alex became someone she could no longer trust. His excuse was that he couldn’t control himself but she couldn’t understand. Did he think that she was ice and didn’t feel exactly what he did? Didn’t he think that at times it took all she had just to hold back her love for him, love that was so strong it almost swept her away? Love that had been punctured by Alex’s thoughtlessness and cracked by her own uncertainty as to why it had happened in the first place.

Michelle thought that maybe it her, maybe she led him in. But they kissed like they always kiss and what Alex did was something he’d never done before.

She heard Alex searching his radio for a station with music but eventually he turned it off.

She didn’t know what she would do in the morning. Her parents had no idea what had happened and if Michelle had anything to say about it they never would. She feared that they might think that she led him on and not believe that she had nothing to do with Alex’s reaction. A tear slipped down her cheek but she stopped the tears before they got out of hand.

The night outside was still bright and the moon was slowly moving in its ecliptic orbit. From her window she could not see the hill but the mere thought sent chills down her back.

A little after ten Michelle turned out the light and crawled into bed, letting the thick comforter protect her and keep her warm. As her eyes closed to sleep she couldn’t help but remember the way she shrank from Alex’s touch. She hadn’t meant to, she had intended to stand her ground but then he had touched her and she remembered her helplessness when he had pinned her to the ground. Throughout the whole nine months that they had been apart, Michelle had dreamed of the time when she could feel Alex’s skin again and hold him, having him hold her in return. Now, the thought of him coming towards her left her in a cold sweat.

These thoughts ran through her head as she fell into a restless sleep, a sleep filled with kisses from one whom wasn’t Alex.

Michelle woke up first; she assumed she was up first anyway. She could hear nothing from the other side of the connecting door. On her side of the door, one of her chairs was lodged beneath the doorknob, this being the only way that she could lock that door. She never thought for a moment that she would ever want to lock out Alex.

She got dressed and threw her dirt-smudged clothes at the bottom of her hamper. She had tried to get the majority of needles out of her hair last night but now in the sunlight she picked out the few that had stuck in regardless. She had no idea what was going to happen the rest of the day. There was no getting around the fact that she was going to have to face Alex. And if she couldn’t keep her fear of his touch under control then her whole family would know that something was up.

In some part, Michelle had reasoned that Alex truly didn’t mean to let happen what had almost happened last night. She knew that he loved her and would do anything for her, but the foundation of their relationship, the trust, had been shaken and Michelle wasn’t sure what it would take to rebuild it.

By the time that Michelle was ready to face the morning, Alex was up. He hadn’t changed into his bedclothes before he had fallen asleep. For that matter he hadn’t even gotten into bed. He had fallen asleep where he had been sprawled the previous night.

He heard the stirrings of life in the adjoining room and stopped the urge to try the handle again. Michelle would only unlock the door when she felt that she was safe and while he wouldn’t leave her alone, she wouldn’t feel that security.

He stepped into the hall and walked toward the bathroom but the opening of Michelle’s door froze him where he stood. There was no way that she could overlook him as he was directly outside her door. She was going to duck back into her room but Alex stepped back and let her slip into the bathroom before him. When she stepped out with a murmur of thanks he looked closely at her and noted the dark circles beneath her eyes. He knew he was the cause of that and the guilt washed over him in progressive waves. Michelle must have seen it in his eyes and her hands fluttered up to her face. The hand shook and her breath came in little gasps. Then she did the unexpected; she smiled at him. It was a questioning smile, one that drew her delicate brows down in a frown. But as soon as the smile had appeared, it disappeared. He waited for her to go down the backstairs and only then went into the bathroom.

As Alex looked in the mirror, he saw that sleep had been kinder to him than to Michelle. His face looked no different. Except the eyes. His eyes held a sadness that only he would notice.