A little boy's prayer: "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."

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During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked:
"Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?"
Gary answered soberly: "I asked God to teach me to whistle. . . And He just then did!"

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One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer. "Now I lay me down to rest, and hope to pass tomorrow's test, if I should die before I wake, that's one less test I have to take."

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A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. "Dear God,thank you for these pancakes." When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, "I thought I'd see if He was paying attention tonight."

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A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE." He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Granny, You wear the same size as our bed!"

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A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer, which began, "Dear Harold."
At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, how come you called God, 'Harold'?"
The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church.You know, in the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be Thy name."

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And this particular four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trashbaskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

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A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

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A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the little girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said.
The little girl bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

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Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer.
"Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."
"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."

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A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if You can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am!"

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When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four."

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One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

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Little Jimmy Smith called up the Baptist Preacher and asked if he would come and pray for his Mommy, who had been sick all week.

"But don't you go to the Methodist Church, Jimmy? Why don't you call your own pastor in to pray with your Mommy?"

"Because," replied Jimmy, "we don't want him to catch whatever she has."

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Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home because he was performing an appendectomy.

"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?"

"Sure! Fifteen-hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"

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My two and a half year old walked into the bathroom while I was putting on my make-up. "I'm going to look just like you mommy!"she announced. "Maybe, when you grow up." I told her. "No mommy, tomorrow. I just put on that 'Oil of Old Lady' you always use."

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A young boy was being taught the story of Sodom and Gomorrah one morning in Sunday School. The teacher was explaining how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.

The story evidently sat well with the boy because he excitedly raised his hand at the conclusion of the story and told his teacher, "My mom did the same thing last week. She was driving down the road, looked back, and turned into a telephone pole."

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Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"

Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."

Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"

Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"

(E-zine: DAILY BITS http://www.DailyBits.com)

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Billy, our five-year-old grandson, helped do yard work and was paid $4.

Later, his mother brought him to the toy store. Billy looked over a rack of action figures, asked how much they cost, then remarked, "It's a good thing I'm working."

- Sandra S. Jonaitis in Reader's Digest
(E-zine: KEITH'S MOSTLY CLEAN HUMOR)

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A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

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A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

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A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."

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A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."

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A Sunday school teacher asked her little children,as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church? One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!!!!!"