"Filthy Stinking Rich. . . Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"

"I Used Up All My Sick Days. . . So I Called In Dead"

"Husband and Cat Lost. . . Reward for Cat"

"Husbands Should Come With Instructions"

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt"

"If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees"

"If You Can Read This. . . Kiss A Teacher"

"A Nest Isn't Empty Until All Their Stuff Is Out of the Attic"

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!"

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"If You Remember the '60s, You Weren't Really There"

"Procrastinate Now"

"Rehab Is for Quitters"