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AL-ANON WORKSHOP

The 3 F's

FEELINGS- FEAR -FREEDOM

1. Before Al-Anon, we soothed our deeply hurt feelings in luxurious baths of self-pity; indulged in hot anger, violent reproach, neurotic frustrations; and retreated to avoid embarrassment, shame and to escape our feelings of guilt.
2.Pain is a necessary part of our program. Through suffering, if we accept it for the good it is meant to be, we can grow, can achieve an understanding that success is not just in material things, in living a pleasant happy life - nice and comfortable as that would be, but in overcoming defects of own character, in supressing our selfishness and in living for others rather than ourselves. Pain is the price we pay for a deeper understanding, a richer more meaningful life.
3. Self-Pity and Resentment: We fooled ourselves when we didn't face up to these sentiments but to soothe our bruised egos, we stayed in our situations because we were concerned about our loved one, and because we had no place to go. We can change these two feelings with courage and detachment and the help of our program by daily practice of the principles in all our affairs.
4, Rejection and fear of rejection; These feelings make us feel anger. If he didn't love me enough to quit drinking, then we'd show him/her that it didn't matter anymore; we'd simply reject them from the important parts of our life. Then we added two more feelings to these - guilt and revenge. We must come to accept that drinking is not a deliberate reflection of indifference and has nothing to do with love, then we become free of the rejction, guilt and anger we felt for so long.
5. A suffering Al-Anon member will respond to simple acts of kindness given with love and understanding, but remember, the new member needs constant reassurance. When the road way becomes tough, encourage them to dig deeper in the program. We can learn to live peacefully with troublesome problems.
6. Resentment: This feeling becomes a resentment by reliving it. It isn't what happens that counts, but what we do about it. Allowing things to affect us unduely - if we harp on what bothers us, we are fostering a resentment -allowing a pinprick to become a stab in the heart.
7. How do we resolve a resentment? Determin original fault, accept our responsibility for our share in it then make amends. We are building a relationship. Carrying the grudge or hurt will destroy it. Train ourselves to live each day as a new beginning and do not burden ourselves with yesterday's problems.
8. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. We need faith and hope to endure life's hazards. Giving in to constant doubt kills faith and hope.
9.Best of all possible gifts is a tranquil mind. Sort out the things we couldn't change. By working the program, we seek to accept those things and not rebel against them and we learn to change what we can. Whether or not you cause your own turmoil, only you can give yourself a tranquil mind and an accepting heart.
10. Meditate and count your blessings - forget the failings - dwell only on what we have that's good.
11. Picture Mountains of resentments overgrown by the green of envy; valleys of despair; roadways are strewn with self-pity and ill-will. (Sound familiar?) Al-Anon is the road to the Higher Power where we learn to level those mountains of resentment with straight thinking; fill our valleys of despair with hope; say the Serenity Prayer and change rebellion to acceptance. The best way to help ourselves it to help others - we forget our hurts and etc. When we are doing for others.
12. Anger: What do you do when angry or offended? Do you blast back? Recite the Serenity Prayer often during these moments and slogans such as: Think, Easy Does it, and Live and Let Live will help to put us back on the sane road. To rid ourselves of resentment and self-pity, we must clean house mentally and spiritually. Daily cleaning frees us from the build-up to trash, grime and dinginess that often leads to anger and resentment. For this we use the broom that never wears out - the 12 steps and our program of daily living.
13.Sharing - We can't give another person hope and serenity by mouthing slogans and principles, but by giving ourselves, our experiences, methods, and conclusions; by caring about the other person enough to truly give ourselves with love. This is how we received the message ourselves.
14. Learn to laugh at feelings and fears, Learn patience made up of: Faith, hope, love and courage. Without these ingredients in our life, we can not contemplate tomorrow. Without love man wouldn't be bothered with anything but himself. Consider Godly patience with us and our nonsense, then we should be filled with determination to be more patient with Him, our neighbor, and certainly with ourselves.

In summation, do not dwell on bitter dissappointments; instead, concentrate on who and what helped you to overcome. Don't count hurts - rather, remember kindnesses shown or given. Repay tenfold to someone else in need. Above all, listen with an open mind, and learn to live with serenity and confidence.

II. FEARS -
1. What is more disgusting than complacency? a. stay in touch _ one to one basis more specific; b. meetings eye openers c. the jab that comes from realizing courage of a member when we are in a slump d. without the encouragement or fuel received from other members at meetings, we allow ourselves open to complacency, slips, stinking thinking, old habits and ways that lead no where.
2. Remembering that a great part of our program is spiritual and one way to combat our fears is to remember that no burden will ever be too great if you ask God's help in bearing it and if you earn that help by following His will.
3. When full of fears and doubts as in the beginning or after slips, which slogan is of great help? "Easy Does It" This one tells us to go slow. Don't expect too much, take time to reflect on the ideas, aims, and goals given us to see if they are useful in some part of our life. Teaches us to accept defeat and make another try. One thing is sure - easy does it - do it - and keep on trying,
4.If there are weeds in our fields, what enemy sowed them? Since we were all given good seed - hope, faith, and confidence, we also had bad seeds - doubt, fear, and despair, but because we suffered (are suffering) from the disease of alcoholism, the bad seeds were fed well and choked out the good seeds. Al-Anon gives us the tools to fight the seeds of doubt, fear, and despair and once again the good seeds of hope, faith, and confidence will spring forth in abundance, but we must stay in touch with our Higher Power. (God as we understand Him also our group and meetings)
5.One day at a time or sometimes, hour by hour. Learn to sort out worst fears and face them squarely. By facing them, we discover we have already lived through most of them. Worry only seems to enlarge them.
6.All fears can be vanquished by constant effort. Life without fear is a heavenly blessing and the whole world is a different place when we have peace of mind. We can have these things - if we choose. How? by following the program as it gradually unfolds, by practicing the steps more honestly and whole heartedly, we will gradually lose or overcome these fears. Because we are human beings, we will falter and the fear will return, but courage to try again and faith in the Higher Power will conquer these fears.
7.Learn to relax. Learn to listen. and Learn to laugh. Put these into daily practice and many of our fears will flee.
8. Words to live by: Fear of danger is ten thousand times more terrifying than the danger itself. Face it, sort it out and acknoledge it and if it is the worst; you are at the bottom the only way to go is up. Just for this minute, I will not be afraid' God grant me courage' Believe it' It does come'
9.Do the thing you fear means facing up to our distrusts, shynesses, real self. Keep this Faith open . close it and the death of fear is certain. By this we moral and spiritual fears, the inherent self-and inhibitions that keep you from being your thought before you: "Fear knocked at the door. There was no one there."
10. One of the biggest fears in Al-Anon is the fear of speaking. This is 12 step work in it's greatest form. Just as many people are helped by looking at our group and seeing happy faces, and realizing members can laugh at themselves; many others are given a tremendous lift when they hear stories like their own and ends successfully. They have to hear it - they can't get it by osmosis - don't let pride, fear, or shyness keep it from them. These three qualities are enemies of our program - so be generous with your past - someone needs it more then you' Give it away and you will be better for it.
11."Fear is the beginning of all weakness." The worst thing about fear is that each time we allow ourselves to become prey to it, it makes it easier to succomb a second or third time until we become afraid of everything. Is there a solution? Yes, but it is not easy. Face it' analyze it; pursue it until you can determine the worst that could happen. You may not be able to do this alone, so seek some one you have confidence in or some one who has had a like experience and met it. Once you face it and pursue it to the end, you will be able to go onward - unafraid, Each time you do it, courage will replace the nameless fears and you will be in control - not panic.
12. What should you do when your calmness, tranquility is broken by an emotional upset? Try to stay calm and if possible, call a Al-Anon friend and talk it out; or read some of the literature. When we come unglued, uncalm; evil or our fears find and take entrance. A quiet time alone with our Higher Power. at this moment, will-often times bring back our serenity. It will bring us the calm to think what we have to decide in a rational manner.
13. In summation, if you have a problem, big or small, think it through until you find a solution you can accept. Don't panic. Don't think in circles. If you find yourself protesting, take your mind off the protest and go back to hunting the solution. There's always one if you look hard enough. Sometimes, it means accepting it as something you can't change. This does not come easy. Ittakes time and practice and courage.
From ODAT: When I am able to accept the help of my Higher Power, it makes me feel capable of doing anything I am called upon to do. I am overcoming my fears. I am acquiring a comfortable new confidence. "Courage is fear that has said it's prayers."
III. FREEDOM
1." Grant me strength, time opportunity always to correct what I have acquired; always to extend its domain; for knowledge is immense and spirit of man can extend infinitely to enrich itself daily with new requirements. Today he can discover his errors of yesterday and tomorrow he can obtain a new light on what he thinks himself sure of today."
2.One may hold truth, yet, without inwardly possessing it. The formula which we accept will lie sterile in our minds if we do nothing to apply it to the reality which it is intended to serve. This is where Al-Anon comes in. When we apply the steps and the program to ourselves, when we accept the fact that we also are powerless over alcohol, and that we need the Higher Power to help us, that we were given this problem, perhaps, for our spiritual growth, then and only then do we begin to share in its wonderful workings.
3.We can take an interest in Al-Anon but it didn't grow from interest alone; it grew because we participated; whether we washed cups, were willing to speak, or spent time working with newcomers, there are jobs to be done by all members. If we all do our share we will reap many benefits. We grow by sharing.
4.We have learned, or are learning that alcoholism is a permanent disease which can be arrested but never cured. This surely is a thing we cannot change. We can change our way of thinking and living with courage and detachment and with the help of the program. Conscious and conscientious practice of all the principles of the program lifts us into a good, healthy way of life in which we have courage to meet what ever comes.
5. Third-step - turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. and continued in the eleventh step - we pray only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. How can we know God's will and not ours? One simple way is for us to do every-thing in God's name and for God, then we can't go wrong.
6. Freedom can come through education of the public. Much work is still needed to rid the disgrace, shame, and guilt attached to alcoholism.
7. Live the program. Freedom from letting go and letting God. Only by living the program, day in and day out, can we really know it and when we know the program can we give help to there.
8. Know yourself. take the help of the Higher Power and the humility to ask for that help, before our lives begin to straighten out.
9. Carry the message' is a great way to maintain the freedom we have learned. 3 basics to remember:

a. Know and accept and can prove that our message is authentic, intelligent, and effective.

b. Study and actually live the program in every way.

c. Carry the message to others in a language they understand. Successful communication is a two-way deal - one gives and one receives.
10. Live one day at a time. Our twenty four hour program is logical and valuable. It shows us how to live without giving us through gained resources. If we live each day completely, to the best of our ability; not looking hack in regret, nor forward in despair; we can attain a richer, fuller life. When we are happy, we show others how to attain happiness, and we share our blessings with all.
11. Thought to meditate on: "Try looking through the eyes of another and see what you discover."
12. Practice the slogans: Easy Does It - don't knock yourself out fearing what probaby isn't there. let Go and Let God - you can't have everything to suit yourself, but never fear, your Higher Power will help you cope. 24 Hours or One Day at a Time - concentrate on just this moment and not on the fear of what might happen, but hasn't yet. First Things First - you can never gain the serenity you seek if you dissipate your strength in nameless fears. Live and Let Live - Life is too important to live in turmoils of fear. We can Learn to live with confidence. Worth repeating again "Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered and Lo, there was no one there"
13. Principles above personalities. This is difficult for those who have always allowed themselves to indulge in personal likes and dislike in judging actions. To those who are eager to know and to understand exactly how and why we should change old ways, Al_Anon's lamp can shine through any door. We huddles miserably with ourselves. Desperation brought us to Al_Anon and we found a ray of hope. By practicing the principles of the program, we are coming out ~ the darkness and breathing free.
14. When we let go and let God, we don't give up anything that belongs to us, we relinquish something we should never have taken over. By returning it to the proper hands, two of us benefit.
15. How about adding a new slogan to out list? "WHY NOT TRY"
16. Certainly not last in finding freedom is our fourth step. Nothing helps as much as a fearless and moral inventory of ourselves, but we don't end there, we must go on and complete this inventory with step 5. This is our action step. We've taken the inventory; admitted to God, which is the easy part as we feel He knows it all ~ yway; and admitting it to ourselves is certainly fearless; but now we must go further, the hard part, admitting them to another human being. This part, however, is the most beneficial because they won't allow us to criminate ourselves repeatedly, instead, they can pick out the good qualities on which to build.
17. All the steps are vital to our new life of freedom; learn to live by them each day of your life. "When I know I am free within myself I will be better able to give loving-thoughts to others."
18. If we remember that only God makes no mistakes, we can accept ourselves, our fellowmen, as human beings with much more happiness and contentment all around.