What is m.a.l.f.?
It's a word I made up. It seems to have caught on at the newsgroup. Maybe it will even get into the dictionary someday. ;)
Okay, so what does it mean?
Literally, it is an acronym for "much
agape
love
from".
I was a person who could not say "love". I decided even before I found the newsgroup that I was going to work on this.
At first it was really hard. My first step was to sign all personal correspondence with "love, cherish".
After awhile this became a habit and didn't feel quite so insincere. Once my Dad asked me about it. He said it sounded to him like a request to "love cherish". And he was probably right.
I was willing to give love, but I wanted to receive it, too.
My next step was saying, "I love you," to the important people in my life. This was even harder. I didn't go around saying it to everyone because it would have been insincere, and unlike the signatures of my letters, I wanted this phrase to mean something.
A friend of mine got sick and I had the chance to tell her "I love you and you mean so much to me," before her illness took her away from me.
When another friend got sick, I put off making this simple gesture. When I missed my opportunity to have said, "I love you," I was devastated.
My father never said, "I love you," to me until one day I said it to him. He said he didn't think he had to say it, that I should know it. He fed me, clothed me, and put a roof over my head, didn't he? Isn't that love? Well, yes it is, but I still need to hear it. So now he says, "I know you need to hear this, 'I love you.'" That's a big step for him.
Enter alt.support.dissociation. I've done all this work on being able to express love and say it. On the newsgroup there was a big discussion about it just as I came through the door. The gist that I got out of the whole discussion was "Don't say love on the newsgroup."
I couldn't believe it! OTOH, it made perfect sense. When people have been hurt, seriously hurt, in the name of love, it becomes a terrible word. If love equals hurt, I wouldn't want to have it said to me either.
There were times that I was so filled with the desire to give my love to someone on the group, but I knew better than to start up a controversy. (I don't do well in the middle of controversy.)
There must be some solution. I discovered word, "agape", that also meant love. For most people it means nothing and therefore would be a safe word. However, some groups do use this word and it could have a negative effect on a few people.
What to do? I experimented with different acronyms until I came up with m.a.l.f. I shared the idea with the group, and then I would use it when I wanted to share my emotion of love.
Just in case you were wondering, malf has nothing to do with alien life forms.
malf,
cherish
big grin
.
c h e r i s h
