To Stop The Music Just Right Click The Note And You Will Be Able To Stop It!
What's another word for Thesaurus?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibal's don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why are there Braille signs on drive-thru ATM'S?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Ten Reasons Why Computers MUST be Male!
#1. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.
#2. A better model is always just around the corner.
#3. They look nice and shiny until you get them home.
#4. It is always necessary to have a back-up.
#5. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
#6. The best part of having one is the games you can play.
#7. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
#8. The lights are on but no one is home.
#9. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
#10. SIZE does matter!
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made mad passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around eight p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon and I fell asleep." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying S.O.B.! You've been playing golf!!"
A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redhead woman in the breast stroke division of the English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blond woman finally reached the shore hours later, completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked breathlessly, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used there arms!"
A married couple go to the hospital together, to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine, which would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out, and they both agreed enthusiastically. The doctor set the knob to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine, so the doctor upped the percentage to 50%, and finally to 100%, since the wife was obviously benefiting from the transfer. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
Ten Reasons Why My Dog Won't Use A Computer
#1. Can't stick his head out of windows 95.
#2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
#3. Too messy to mark every web site that he visits.
#4. Can't help attacking the screen when he hears, "You've got mail".
#5. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
#6. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway that he's browsing
www.purina.com instead of working.
#7. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
#8. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
#9. "Sit" and "stay" were hard enough; "delete" and "save" are out of the question!
BACK TO COOL LINKS & STUFF!
Get your own Free Home Page