Jan. 1 At Midnight

NEW YEAR: We celebrated the New Year's Eve in the yard of her uncle. Dearest did not come down to join us in the gathering and so it seems that I did not eat at all for she is not present.

Jan. 3, Afternoon

INDIFFERENCE: Dearest began to be cold with me. I don't know why. I met her in the street and tried to call her name but she did not ever mind me in my kind dealing.

Jan. 6, Morn

HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME: I was begging one of her Kodaks taken in the convent. But she said that they did not have picture taken at all. But later on I did discovered there is. (From Seds book I found it)

Jan. 21, Saturday Evening

FIESTA IN SANTA INEZ: Her aunts and she went to see the fiesta. They went in the house of Blas Yalung.Pab. and I went with them and ate there. Formerly I could not do such! But I do not know now I did not fear the presence of her aunts. Oh LOVE! Yes true Love encouraged me to do it. Then we attended the drama. R. is also present. I bought peanuts for the occassion but none of them dared to get them. Oh how disconsolate I am in what they had shown me. ( First observation of her aunts toward my courtship)

Jan. 22, Sunday Morning

SHE BEGAN TO HATE ME: Dearest got angry with me and decided not to talk with me anymore because of what I uttered against her which I observed during the preceding fiesta. Really, I did not like such habit that made me broken-hearted. But I have to blame myself for I happened to tell it to Sis. Seda which she also happened to tell to her.

Jan. 25 Wednesday Evening

OUR BARRIO FIESTA: As I could not find Dearest attend the Rosario Cantada, I peeped at her home to see her. Ah I found R. awaiting her in front of Seong's house. She is about to go down stairs but her Grandpa prevented her only (heard by me). My mind became more terrified. If they have no relation with each other, why should he wait for her there? I asked myself. So I could not sleep at all during that night.

Jan. 30, Morning

ON WAY TO SCHOOL: I asked her if there is any ray of hope for me in my affection. And she flatly answered that I am hopeless. But I never got disappointed for although she will hate me, still I love her just the same.

NIGHT: I learned from R. that she tore my poor KODAK I gave to her. I wonder why. The more I became broken-hearted. R. had known from Ody about the gift she gave me. The next day when going to school, I asked her why she tore my picture. She said that she is ashamed if her aunt might find it. But I do not believe so. If she fears it only to be seen, why did she even tell it to R.? She really hates me now, I thought. I then realize that she cares for him not I. But sometimes why does she tells me some secrets pertaining to him, if she does not care for me too? I could hardly understand the dictates of her heart.

Feb. 9

IN THE CLASS: Mr. Navarro scolded her for not knowing her lesson in Arithmetic. Then she reported him to her Grandpa and then her uncle, the treasurer took the matter. He wanted him be suspended but the supervising teacher sympathized with Mr. Navarro and so the action has not been taken.

Feb. 13, Afternoon

IN THE RICEFIELDS: Dearest did not go to school but she just went the field to catch Camaro. I was with her also in the fields. Juan told me that she wants me to make a view for her to be used in the school but she is only ashamed to tell me, canu. Then I tried to borrow drawing papers as I have none and did the task.

Feb. 24, Afternoon, after school

A DISAPPOINTMENT FOR ME: R is with her in the way and she told him about the drawing I made for her. She even spoke something against me which made me so disgusted. she said in this way,"I don't know why he made me a view when did not even asked him to make. I just gave it to Isabel Baking for I don't need it at all (by Seds herself for she was with them in the way). Oh how it hurts me! If she just knew how I have sacrificed in her behalf, she ought not to say that even! However, I did not open it anymore for her but I just simply forget it all.

Feb. 29, On way to school

HER CRUEL LETTER: She handed it to me in a small envelope. But I did not open it until I reached the school. Oh how happy I was to know its content! But alas! When I opened it, oh! how cruel it is! She rejected my love and even induced me to love girls whom I do not care at all.

March 2, UNHAPPY DAYS

MY SUPPOSED LAST LETTER: With tears in my eyes, I wrote my answer in Capampangan for I lack words to express my feelings in mere English. It is the most sorrowful and pitiful letter I have ever written. But later on, she just threw it away for she could not read dialects. She even misunderstood me. Oh if she could just read it, there is no doubt that she will not weep. From that time I am always sad and blue but still I love her. Days passed still I could not forget it. I have declined so much in my studies getting poor grades in recitation.

April 4, Afternoon

HOLY WEEK: Dearest took confession after the Tiniblas I am in my uncle's tailor shop and saw her passing. I did not intend to go with her for I do not want to disturb the tranquility of her clean mind and heart.

notes: Some of the pages were torn due to its oldness so I just skipped the torn pages and continue the preceding dates.--alice

Nov. 17, Night

CAVISPERASAN OF THE FIESTA-- I am with her and some of her barrio mates when going home. We passed in the small street. We talked about her schooling and the letter I sent to her.

Nov. 18 Night

OUR TOWN FIESTA-- I did not see her at all. I don't know why.

Nov. 19 At noon

ON WAY FROM HER CLASS--She is with Rosario. I asked her why she did not attend the fiesta. She answers, "I did not attend it for I don't want to mingle with so many people." I then gave the Saturday Eve. Post. But to my disgust, she showed an indifference to me. She did not want to accept it I don't know why. Inspite of my happiness to meet her, still she shows me such indifferece! Ah how it tortures my heart!

Dec.3 MY LETTER FOR THAT MATTER

She did not go to school and so it was only delivered by one of her classmates. Her brother has sent it back to me again. (by herself)

Dec. 24 Night

MAYTINES-- When going home, I saw her with Dodong and his sister. I went behind them until they reached home but I did not show myself.

Dec. 25 Morning

CHRISTMAS-- I saw her going to market and decided to go with her but she was just returning when we met. How happy am I to meet my dearie! But she showed me another indifference! She hurried her steps I don't seem to understand. She said, "If they did not only forced me to buy cigarettes, I had not gone to market. They are always thinking something from." She told me the reason of sending back my letter that is, her brother joked her.

Dec. 30 Afternoon at 3:30

FIESTA IN BETIS-- While I was at the window, I saw her with her mother in a calesa. I then believe that they attended the fiesta there. Then I called Pab. and we both went in Betis riding on a train. From here and there, I have been trying to glance her. I was very restless. Then after a fruitless search, we happened to see Sof and we seated on her bench. As she heard me saying, "ALA CUNG MACAING CUSUELA ATA," she tried to joke me and that is why later on, she tried to joke her also which Dearest was telling.