A Mother's Dilemma: To Work or Not to Work

I closed the door to my office and cried. My first day back at work from maternity leave, I cried recalling handing my nine-week-old son to the babysitter, Carrie. ÒAre you sure heÕs going to be o.k.?Ó I asked reluctantly leaving. She cuddled him, he cooed. ÒHeÕll be just fine,Ó Carrie smiled. ÒYou go on ahead to work. You can call later if you want to know how he is doing.Ó I called after wiping my tears dry. He was doing just fine.

Being a working mother is one of the most difficult decisions a Christian woman has to make. As a single Christian woman who dreamed of meeting ÒGodÕs man,Ó I always assumed that I would not be working once I got married and pregnant. Unfortunately, the circumstances I dealt with wasnÕt as clearcut. It required seeking the Lord for an answer. As I prayed, I realized their are several myths that needed to be walked through or else they would color my decision. I knew I could either base my decision on these myths or a word from the Lord.

Myth #1. God's will for you is to stay home. Period. Church leaders cite scripture, such as II Timothy 2:15, ÒBut women shall be preserved through the bearing of children...Ó but donÕt realize the historical or cultural context of that scripture. In a Hebrew household, the home was a self-sustaining economic unit. Women who stayed at home were not just bearing children, but also assisting their husbands in managing their households which usually included extended family and servants. This required an administrative and financial management prowess that today would place her in an executive position in any corporation.

Thus, the stay-at-home mother in a classic sense, was a home-based business manager. There is no scripture that states: ÒThe woman shall not go to work but stay home should she have children.Ó Assuming that God wants you to stay home without taking into account other considerations, relieves the woman of the responsibility of seeking the Lord for a decision.

Myth #2 Working mothers are second-class mothers. This statement has been unwittingly shared by me with some of my dear friends who are stay-at-home moms. ÒLeilani, if you work, you will be neglecting your son,Ó a friend married to a prosperous engineer said. I cringed inside and later cried out to God. I realized later that my mother worked, and I never grew up feeling neglected.

Working mothers deal with so much guilt, that is sometimes perpetuated by the Church. This may keep a target group who is probably extremely open to the Gospel given her stresses and frustrations away from the church.

Myth #3 Working mothers are sacrificing their families so they can earn enough money to finance a lavish lifestyle, exotic vacations and expensive wardrobes. Many working mothers I know, work because of financial necessity. I work because my salary helps pay our mortgage and bills. I donÕt work to go on an African safari with my husband. No working mother I know, is trying to earn enough money to go to Paris or to pay their mortgage in the Highlands.

The decision to work or not to work should be based on one thing alone, the leading of the Lord. As I prayed through this issue, the Lord asked me several questions which helped clarify His leading.

1) Do you have the desire or temparament to stay at home? During maternity leave, I designed a brochure, wrote several articles, spoke on a panel at MU, and judged a poetry contest. As I prayed, and circumstances unfolded, it became clear that with the calling and temparement He has given me that I was not well-suited to staying at home.

2) Can you afford it? My husband, Jerome, and I weighed the financial cost of me staying at home and realized that we simply couldnÕt afford it. JeromeÕs income alone could not cover our mortgage and bills.

Some financial consultants suggest cutting expenses back to the bone to accomodate staying at home. Although cutting back expenses may be answer, this does not take into account the future pay raises, insurance and retirement benefits the working mother would lose in the long run.

3) What does your husband think? My husband was extremely supportive of my decision to work. If I didn't work, he would have had to get a second job which meant a higher level stress and not being able to be with our son.

4) What is your motive? Is it an obligation based on a set of presumptions that the Lord has never put on you, or is it a genuine leading of the Lord? I applaud my friends who are staying at home with their children. They are fulfilled, happy, and some of them are busy home-schooling, writing and operating businesses. The issue for my stay at home mom friends and myself is obedience to the Lord. If you are called to the workplace, then is it beyond the Lord to care for your child by making sure the best care is provided?

Many mothers I work with tell me of their constant battle with guilt. I call it the working momÕs angst. Recently, a friend of mine left a church because of the subtle rejection of working moms. Working moms present the greatest opportunity of outreach because of the stress and frustation of working and mothering without a lot of support.

Do you know a working mom who isn't a Christian? The best way to evangelize her is by watching her children so she can go out with her husband or sending her a note of encouragement reaffirming that she is a good mother. If you are a church leader, ask yourself, ÒIs the church culture supportive of the working momÕs needs? Do we have a support system?Ó

To work or not to work should be based on a woman seeking the Lord. Period.

Published in the Good News Journal on May 1997.

The day I moved in I had to move out. Not that day, but the end of the month. In the five months I lived in Gainesville, Peggy was my fourth roommate. She had just informed me that she was getting married after her first date with Eddie. This was soon affirmed when he asked her on their second date to marry. I had two weeks to find another place.

My first roommate felt led by the Lord to take a job in another city. The second set of roommates, actually a family, had moving boxes in their living room the day I moved in. They felt led by the Lord to move back to Knoxville, Tennessee.

Now God was leading another person down a path that made my life more uncertain with each day. I had taken a job as a scriptwriter for a dynamic Christian video ministry. Getting pad was an act of faith. On one payday, the business manager told me to believe God that I would get paid. I sarcastically replied, ÒWhat do I tell my insurance company and landlord? Believe God for payment?Ó

Besides not getting paid sometimes, frustration and uncertainty were compounded by the fact that I felt that the Lord had led me to work with this dynamic video ministry. The uncertainty of my financial and living situation caused me to wonder, ÒCould have God led me? Surely He wouldnÕt have intended me to go through this.Ó

Although I moved four times in seven months, got arrested and had paychecks not come in, I discovered the certainty of Christ in my uncertain season. Many times the Lord moves in our life in such a way that it seems to breed uncertainty instead of steadiness in our walk with Him.

Could the Lord lead me to take a position that would require me to move constantly and to go unpaid? Yes, He could have because He is God.

Many of our biblical heroes experienced the certainty of Christ in their uncertain times. Joseph's grand dream of God's calling led him into slavery. Esther's royalty was put to a test of an uncertain outcome. David spent most of his preparation for rulership fleeing a king who wanted him killed.

Joseph, Queen Esther and King David discovered the certainty of Christ through their uncertain circumstances. Their lives are rich with insight into how we can see the certainty of Christ in uncertain times. Here are some lessons from their uncertain seasons in life.

1) Serve faithfully where you are at now with excellence. "The chief jailer did not supervise anything under Joseph's charge because the Lord was with him; and whatever he did, the Lord made to prosper." (Gen. 39:23) The Lord prospered Joseph in the prison and in PharoahÕs palace. His youthful arrogance may have led his brothers to throw him into the pit, but he humbled himself and served where he was with excellence.

God has given you a family, a church, a job and maybe a season in school. This your threshold of God's destiny to come to pass if you can serve with excellence. Working a job from eight to five or taking care of your children may not sound like a very glamorous ministry. But it is in these obscure seasons of life that the Lord forges His character upon us.

What does it mean practically to serve with excellence? Serving with excellence is going the extra mile in caring for your spouse. It's taking initiative on your job when it's boring, and being an example of a faithful, diligent employee. Your workplace, home and church are arenas for God to move in as you serve with excellence.

2) Prepare yourself for your calling. Esther went through months of rigorous training in the protocol of royalty. She had extensive make-up and grooming preparation. Her willingness to pay the price to prepare herself gave her favor with the official in charge of all the women.

The favor she enjoyed with the king's representative was a precursor to the favor she would enjoy in the palace.

Do you want favor with the King of kings and with man? Prepare yourself by diligently reading and studying areas related to the gifts the Lord has given you. If you have the gift of hospitality, seek opportunities to express it and learn how to move in it with a spirit of excellence. You never know who you will be entertaining.

Preparing yourself for your calling will cost you. You may have to turn the TV off, forego other leisure activities and discipline your time. It will be inconvenient, but the fruit will be allowing the Lord to bring to pass what He desires by preparing yourself.

The Lord once spoke to me when I was in college on break to spend my time reading books on the Christian basis of government and history. While my roommates went to the beach, I sat at home reading and studying. I felt somewhat piqued that they got to play in the beach and I had to study. But I was constrained by such a conviction to obey that I studied.

The following semester the Lord opened a door for a friend of mine and I to have lunch with a Christian state representative. The state representative was newly elected and had several openings on his staff. My friend and I were both political science majors. He asked us what our views were on government. I shared with him what I had studied during my break.

He was so impressed that he offered me a job and soon bought the books to study himself. I was thankful that the Lord had convicted me to do this and that I had obeyed. If I had not obeyed, I would have missed the opportunity to work for a Christian state representative.

3) Submit yourself to the ways of the Lord. David fled King Saul, and not once did he revile the maniacal monarch. Instead, David yielded to the God-given authority King Saul had and ultimately to the ways of the Lord.

We may never understand why the LordÕs anointed authority, King Saul, intended to murder David and why he never rebelled. This is a heavenly mystery that is a prophetic picture of the Lord Jesus yielding to his accusers and crucifixion.

You may have an enemy out to see you fail. Or a person in authority may be wielding perverted authority over you. We may not know why the Lord allows this person to be in authority over you, but know that they are part of GodÕs testing and preparation for destiny.

Such a situation is fertile ground for learning the ways of the Lord. But it is up to you to seek the Lord and not rebel or revile in the face of your adversary. David could have easily killed King Saul in the cave. Instead, David sought after God and built an such an intimate relationship that it sustained him during his coming reign.

Joseph, Esther and David knew the certainty of GodÕs love and destiny as they served faithfully, prepared themselves, and yielded to the ways of the Lord.

My season of uncertainty ended when my boss at the video ministry said he didnÕt have the money to pay my salary. I moved to Orlando and lived in my friendÕs home office until I got hired at a Christian publishing company.

The season of uncertainty has prepared me for my new responsibilities that including producing videos. Even though I was frustrated at GodÕs hand on my life, I strived to serve with excellence and to learn everything I could about video production. Little did I know the doors that would be open to me because I had yielded to the Lord.

You may be bewildered by your season of uncertainty. This is your personal quest for the certainty of Christ that He has called you into. Follow JosephÕs example by serving where you are with excellence. Prepare yourself as Esther did by paying the price to learn everything you can about your gifts and calling. Walk where David walked by yielding to the ways of the Lord and building an intimate relationship with Him.

Then you will know the certainty of Christ in your uncertain times.

The Danger of Forgotten Purpose

Manna rained on the desert floor everyday from the sky. Quail thudded to the ground from the heavens every evening. Water flowed from a rock and their guide was a dazzling cloud during the day and sparkling fire at night. Everyday the Israelites witnessed what we would consider spectacular miraculous provision and guidance, yet those wonders from the hand of God could not keep them from worshipping a golden idol or yearning for the bondage of Egypt.

How could a man or woman who dined on bread and meat from the heavens, and drink from a rock, suddenly forget the long arduous days of laboring under a harsh Egyptian taskmaster? How could one who witnessed a sea open up before their feet desire to pay homage to a lifeless idol which was enshrined in the very land that kept them in chains and shackles?

The memories of oppression and poverty had dimmed during the days that became a monotonous routine. Boredom with walking in the endless desert revealed an Egyptian heart in a called nation, and had stolen the fire that fueled their resistence to the Egyptian Pharoah -- the fire of purpose and destiny.

Indeed, the Lord had called them out, but He had also comissioned them to possess the land. Was it the commission they responded to or was it an ache to escape the hardship of slave labor?

The Lord knew their minds and hearts far better then they did, and His intervention was a covenant act of destiny. During those times, there were many nations oppressed by another, yet it was IsraelÕs cries that pierced GodÕs ears. Was it because they were any louder? No, it was because they were His chosen people. Their identity was their salvation. Although the Lord responded and delivered them, they would resist Him and disobey.

ÒThou didst provide bread from heaven for them for their hunger. Thou didst bring water from a rock for their thirst, and Thou didst tell them to enter in order to possess the land which Thou didst swear to give them.

But they, our fathers, acted arrogantly; they became stubborn and would not listen to Thy commandments. And they refused to listen and did not remember, They wondrous deeds which Thou has performed among them.Ó Neh. 9:15-16

Israel forgot the spectacular deliverance and consequently forgot their commission. They forgot that their divine provision wasnÕt just to quench their thirst or satisfy their appetite, but to sustain them to fulfill their commission. And as they forgot their commission, they acted arrogantly and committed the ultimate insult on the Holy One of Israel - they carried on as if it was business as usual without Him.

Many of us have been wondrously delivered from the enemyÕs plan and snare in our life by responding to GodÕs call. The Lord has moved miraculously in our lives and we have indeed been satisfied by His provision. Yet, how many of you have had to resist the fierce pull back to the world because you forgot your commission and purpose - to possess the land? Have you been bored by the Lord -- maybe your provision has been misused.

Israel forgot the purpose of the journey through the wilderness was possession of the promised land. However, Israel eventually rose up to possess the land.

Ò...they ate, were filled and grew fat and reveled in They great goodness. But they became disobedient and rebelled against Thee and cast Thy law behind their backs and killed Thy prophets who admonished them so they might return to Thee and they committed great blasphemies.Ó

Their boredom led them to using GodÕs provision to curse Him. This would seem entirely impossible, yet disobedience which lurked quietly in their hearts suddently raged into murder. Are we capable of turning GodÕs blessing into a curse of blasphemy? Those droll seasons of boredom where we forget our purpose will reveal our capability for wandering.

The Israelites were delayed for 40 years by wandering in the wilderness because they forgot their purpose. May we not waste GodÕs time by forgetting why we are here - to possess the promise land.