This journey started 3 years ago. I was having problems with my weight - as usual and my nurse practitioner suggested that I go to a seminar and look into Gastric Bypass Surgery. I did a little research and decided to consider it. I then talked with my Mom and she became very upset. She is a nurse at a rehab center and had two patients who had "failed" surgeries and she was extremely concerned about me. She offered to send me to L A Weight loss. I lost from 348 to 292 lbs and had to stop because I could no longer afford the program. Through exercise and working the program on my own, I continued to lose very slowing and got down to 286. Then as usual - my weight started coming back up as I gained 25+ lbs in a month. There were 5 women an my office and a close male friend that have had the surgery and were doing fine. So, I have researched and talked with many people. I am now ready to go under and I am very excited.
July 27, 2004
I met with Christy (the coordinator for Bariatric Wellness Institute) and had my first consulation and I turned in my insurance request. My Dietician appointment is August 16 and I meet with my surgeon, Dr Foreman, on August 18.
August 3
Returned from my trip to Vicksburg. I received my approval letteer from BC/BS. YEAH!!
Aug 5
Went to my first support group - it was hugh - lots of people. There was a total weight loss of over 1000 lbs from the 12 post-ops there. I also joined an on-line support group. I asked both what I would need to do to get ready for my surgery so that I would not fail. They said to start giving up stuff now - particularly sodas and sweet drinks, eat slower, do not drink with my meals. start eating extra protein and viamin c, and exercise. This week I am trying to not drink sodas or sweet tea.
August 6
Saw Dana today (my therapist). She is very happy for me and extremely supportive. She wants to see me again before I go into surgery. I really thought I would be upset or scared, but I'm not - - I am excited and impatient.
August 10
So far I have stuck to it. no soda or sweet tea. hard - but I have done it. I am havinga few problems with the mental though... I not scared of the surgery or whatever - I am afraid of failing afterwards. I do not want to be a slave of food, but I am. I do not want to go thru all of this only to lose 50 lbs or to end up gaining it all back again.
August 11
This is thursday and I am siffering from BAD headaches - 3rd day in a row. I was wondering what was going on, when I figured it out. Caffiene withdrawal. If I can hold out for a while - I will be ok.
August 12 This week I will try to not drink with my meals.
August 16 Met With Hunter, my dietician. He told me that after surgery I would be on clear liquids, then soft pureed foods for 4 weeks. That will be very hard, but I can do it.
August 17 Ken (my boyfriend) gave me 1 1/2 roses last night. They were beautiful and I am so grateful to have him in my corner. I hope that everything goes well tomorrow at Dr Foreman's office. I am so impatient
August 18
ARGHH!!! Went to see Foreman - he says he is concerned that I have gained from my first meeting at BWI. Also, I will need 3 doctor notes and all my records from Dr Howard. After that, I should be able to get my date. BUT, he said that he had openings in August. I would give anything to have one of those. He did say that my birthday is a possibility. I want this over. Please God, help this come so that I can get on with my life back.
August 19 I am more calm today. but still impatient. Dr. Williams (Psychiatrist) called and said that they faxed my letter over - yeah!. I down, 2 to go. Went to my support group in Madison - it's a bit out of my way - but considering this for my home group. Ken went with me. He said he got something out it. I enjoy this group alot - they seem friendlier and much more homey. Next week, I will cust out sweets, except what I can have after surgery.
August 23 Made myself sick yesterday - bought cookies and fried chicken - ate way too much. I was thinking about eating Jet Start (LA Weight loss) starting Aug 30.
August 24 last night I was really deep in thought. I am still worried about using food after my surgery - I am excited and all, but want this to be MAXIMIZED. My therapist faxed my approval letter to my surgeon - YEAH! 2 down - 1 to go.
August 25 Went to see Dr Howard (PCP) today. He said he would not release me until I have a stress test and that should only take about 2-3 weeks to setup. I brokedown - I mean I cried for 30 minutes. So, I have to do the damn treadmill test this friday. I have tried very hard not to eat. So far so good.
August 26 After a really bad day yesterday. I settled down for the evening and cuddled with Ken for a while - my anger subsided but I still felt out of sorts. I checked my e-mail and got a great link for weight loss and/or Weight loss products. I printed out alot of her advice - I am exteremely greatful for my support group online and off. I need to look for the good today and lose today waiting and searching for the good tomorrow.
August 27 Had my stress test today, it took forever - from 8:30 - 1:30. When I didn't think I would be able to finish - I kept telling myself "Come on - do it for your surgery" It worked and i passed with flying colors.
August 30 Called Heart Center and they should be sending records to Dr Howard today. I will call him tomorrow and find out if he has it and when he will send info to Foreman (Surgeon).
August 31 Been calling back and forth with doctors all morning. Howard said the only got partial records -heart said they only sent one page. So tomorrow the front desk at Dr Howards will tell the nurse.
Sept 1 New Month - New attitude. Dr Haward's office called to say that they would be sending records today. It was not there as of 3:40, but I am trying to be patient. :) I will try again tomorrow.say
Sept 3 Well, Called Howard again and they said that they would fax the info to Dr Foreman. I ama a nervous wreck - I wish I could relax and let go. I know I would be happier, but I'm so stupid. I'm tense and miserable all the time and it's causing me to eat. I guess I thought that since the consulation and doctor's appt came together so fast and so easy, and that I was approved by insurance that it would all be that easy -it would just roll on trhough.
Sept 5 Wait, wait, wait - still haven't heard anything, Got some great supportive letters from people on-line. Trying to let go and not eat over this. So, I guess I should stop feeling sorry for myself and start doing the things I know that I need to do to get ready:
1. Use little or no sugar
2. Choose low-fat - non-fried foods
3. Eat 3 meals a day>
4. Start excercising - at least 15 minutes a day
5. Ween off caffiene/ carbonated beverages
6. Eat more fruits and vegies
Sept 7 Guess What??? I have a date!! Spetember 21 - my 46 th birthday - a new start - a new beginning. I have a pre-registration on 9:30 on September 14 and Pre-op Sept 15 at 1:30 with Foreman. I am pumped!
Sept 8 Even though we had out Sept party at work, I started my diet. I am so glad that I am dated,but there is a strange "weirdness" I am not really depressed - but I feel loff. I didn't eat anything at the party today but a peice of chicken. No homemade ice cream - oh well, I have to do this right or not waste my time. I was Dr William's and she gave me my meds for after surgery (Liquid or crushable). SHe says that I am ready. She wants me to keep up with my therapist thru all of this.
Sept 10 This is the hour of our discontent - - - - It really seems as if everything is REALLY pissing me off and getting on my last nerve.
Sept 13 Well, I can't see where I am any better attitude wise. I mean - my weekend was great - I had fun with my game - was doing wonderful on my diet/excersize and Ken brought home donuts. I have been cheating eversince. Work today SUCKED! Tomorrow I will do my tests for surgery - fingers crossed.
Sept 14 They ran all tests - I guess I did ok! The Nurse told me to take Prilosec the week before surgery, Put on seasick patch right before take the magnesium Citrate. The lemon-lime tastes best. make sure it is very-very cold. I am very nervous - only 1 week to go.(SP)
Sept 17 I have been very very moody. It's either really bad PMS or maybe my meds are screwed up. In reality, I am probably just worked up about surgery. I wouled on my will yesterday.
Sept 20 Well, it's the day before my surgery - some of this is just now hitting me. I crave things that i know that I can not have. You see, I have been having several "LAST SUPPERS". The lsat time at the all you can eat bar. The last time I can have a hot-fudge sundae. you know what I mean. Anyways, I am craving things today that I cannot eat. I can only eat liquids today. Ken and I went walking - all I could think of was eating out. Yes, I am addicted to food, but willing to give that up for health and a longer life. I took the magneguim citrate and I have been pooping like crazy. Mom and Tina both checked onme and say that they will be there for me tomorrow. i would love to hear from Jimi. But I can't force him.
Sept 22 Jimi showed up after the surgery. (which went well). Mom, Tina, Autumn and Ken were there and Jimi showed up at 6:30. It was a wonderful surprise. Linda from my madison group was my angel and stayed with my family during my surgery. First, we waited for a while in the waiting area and they finally took me back around 9:50. They asked me several questions and the lady shaved my tummy and made me change into a hospital gown. They put on the goofy plastic boots that breath and they tookk be back around 10:30. I remeber them coming in to give me a shot - the next thing I remember is being in my room, surrounded by my family. i couldn't keep my eyes open. I walked 3 times around the hospital floor and they took the boots off. Mom spent the night with me and helped me get the boots on and aff all night while I went to the bathroom.I hardly got any sleep - between my stomach hurting, being OUTRAGEOUSLY thirsty, and nurses coming in and out all night. As far as after thoughts of the surgery - my tummy hurts and I have had a headach the whole time. I reallt aven't had time to check out the stitches. I am so glad to get those boots off. The Bariaum swallow sucked, but there are no leaks. They gave me juice and I went home. My TOPS friends came and brought me a balloon and flowers.
Sept 23 Feeling much better today. Walked about outside abit, walked to get the mail.
Sept 24 Wow, I work up hungry today and ate 1/4 cup of jello. I no longer feel hungry. This might work after all. Yeah!
Sept 25 Very sore and hungry today. I waited too long to eat today and got nauseaus. I want real food SOOO bad.
Sept 27 Was very taxed yesterday - just laid around all day watching tv. Food was not bad and today food is good too. Very tired though. My arm is very sore (where the IV went in). I called Dr Foreman who told me to contact my PCP - Dr. Howard, who told me that he would not deal with it and I needed to call my surgeon. What an asshole! I start looking for another doctor asap!
Sept 28 Soup and Yogurt!! woo hoo! I am so excited - real food! I lost 14.5 lbs this week!
Oct 3 I have been eating soup and yogurt for about a week - I am not getting "full". I feel hungry and after I eat I no longer feel hungry, but I feel as if I could eat LARGE amounts of food. I am REALLY hoping that once I can eat solids - it will all be cool. But I am scared that I will overeat. I am not sure if I am eating too much now or what. I do know that I am making good choices. I also hope that after I can eat real food and cut down on the splenda my appetite and cravings will calm down.
Oct 5 Started food today - I could only eat 1/2 egg for breakfast. Lunch - I am trying to eat 1/4 cup pureed chicken with a mayo on top - so far so good. I only lost 2 1/2 lbs this week. I will weigh again tomorrow on the doctors scales. we will see.
Oct 6 Saw Dr Foreman. He says I am ok. everything is on scedule. I am going back to work on monday. According to the Doctor scales - I am now 292.3 - Down 18.3 lbs in 2 weeks. He said no pool for about 2 weeks - no weight lifting for 4 weeks, can resume sex in about 1 week. I am so happy with the way things are going. I hav eto drink more water. I walked 1 1/2 miles today.
Oct 10 I think I had my first dumping today. I was nauseous and for about 4 hours had diarrhea and dry heaves. I seem to be eating fairly well - no overeating - no cheating. Someone had popcorn at work yesterday and that was a little rough, but I just ate my yogurt and was fine. I have lost 23 lbs in 21 days. I am disappointd, but everyonesys "Job well done - rah-rah!" yeah right. I went out to eat at IHOPS and had grits... they were great.
Oct 14 I am so tired today and that makes me want to eat. I am really wanting real food today - in particular - a taco (at least the taco guts.) I am going to ask my dietition if I can eat a cracker. (I know that they are poor nutrition choice, but I want something crunchy SOOO bad.)
Oct15 Had a great breakfast today - grits egss and cheese sauce blended. I got in touch with my insurance and changed my PCP to Dr Muuliins - he's a DO.
Oct 18 I have been hungry lately - not sarving, but I seem to want to keep eating. I think it's boredom with eating the same things over and over again.
Oct 20 Saw Dr Mullins - He seems really nice and I am really excited about a new start with a doctor who is not an asshole. I have a complete checkup with him on Dec 2. Saw Natalie at BWI and she was nice - I am not eating enough food - not enough protein - not enough water. i can have a cracker a day. WOO HOO!
Oct 21 This is my one month Anniversary, i have lost 22.5 lbs. As I increase my exercise, water and protein - I will lose faster. I woke up sick this moring. I am very nauseous and have a bad stomache ach.
Oct 26 It's been a while since I have written - I have felt very poorly lately. Exhausterd, tremble, weak. For luch today I had a piece of fish and I feel so much better. Howard's office never filed a referal for Dr Foreman - I had gotten a bill for $775 - I am hoping that I can get tha and all others paid in full. My total loss for today is 26 lbs.
Nov 2 ELECTION DAY. Voted for Kerry today. We'll see how that goes! Anyways I have had so many problems this week - eating too much - not the right things - have had diarrhea several days. It started with Halloween and everyone keeping candy everywhere. I never ate the candy, but would go home and binge on chips or whatever. I seem to be craving fats. Dr WIlliams wants me to see my therapist once a week for a while. I am getting a bit worried. I must concentrate on my food. I need to eat the right things in the right amount. In a weeks I should be able to eat off a menu instead of just pureeing everything.
Nov 3 What a horrible day - I was busy all day at work and tried to eatwell. I am not sure, but when I got home, I measured out my food and ate - then I wanted something sweet - had a little sugarfree pudding, the next thing I know, I am mindlessly eatingpotato chips, not a couple - a bunch. An all out binge. My brain kept saying stop - but I couldn't. I hurt all night and still hurt today. I had severe diarrhea all moring. Today I had 1 egg, at break I had 1 oz of chicken and 1 cracker. There were pizzas and donuts all over the office today. I am scared. My addiction is out of control and I am not losing right now, Seeing my therapist today - I hope she can help me.
She told me to : write down menu and plan meal day before CHange thoughts from "deprivation" to a CHOICE Stop beating yourself up -remember "it is what it is"B Take all your breaks at work
Nov 11 It's been a week and things are much better. I am not as desparate, but still a bit out of control. Ate really fast last night and it came right back up. Talked with my therapist and got a book on Binge eating - Also signed up with Tammy for a eating disorder support group. I lost 5.25 lbs last week. I hope that is a sign of this to come. I will make calls tonight to hire a trainer. Hopefully - I will be able to go back to the gym and work out. I need to get some strength back.
Nov 11 I'm not sure, but I think I have too much on my plate (not food). I am hoping that I am not over loading myself. I still have my appointments with the BWI people, but I am adding group therapy and exercise sessions. I really need to do these things, but don't want to overwhelm myself. I am VERY excited about working with Tammy. SHe is so nice and she is easy to talk to. Food is ok right now, but I still eat too fast. I do not want to have problems with it. Ia m glad that I lsot 5.25 last week, but it's a bit scary. I get frightened when I lose a lot. I wonder why.
Nov 19 I am off today, I have 5 appointments and I paid bills. Hunter's scale at BWI says 276, CSTO scale says 273. That's a loss of 37.6 (since surgery) and 75 lbs since LA WEIGHT LOSS. Hunter says that I am doing great and getting enought ot eat, enough protein, but need to drink more water. Next month we wil get a menu. I start with CSTO (center for study-treatment of Obesity) on tues.
Dec 1 CSTO is AWESOME! I mean AWESOME! I am relly enjoying it. At CSTO I weighed in at 269 - I broke my goal. I am so happy. I am eating and exercising so much better at work. i hope that I can get better at home at night when I am alone. My worde nightmare is coming true though... I am starting to look like a deflated beach ball. My arms, boobs and upper thighs especially. I hope that increasing exercise might help a little.
Dec 7 relly feeling down today. It may just be the weather - but hope there is nothing wrong. My legs ache all the time and get cramps in my feet ?????
Dec 15 I went to weigh in yesterday and weigh 258 - I have not weighed hat little since 1986 - I have lost 52 lbs. I am so happy. Christmas is 1 1/2 weeks away and I am SO not ready. Dr WIlliams started me on Topamax today.
Dec 28 Well, I am on the side of the holidays - I made it ok - very stressful - but I made it.
Jan 4 My first journal of the year. I am not in a good mental place today. So maybe this is a good day to write. I do not have any focus lately. My ears ring all the time. I am irritated, frustrated and I just want to be at peace again. I can't tell if it's me or my new meds. i am SO tempted to drop all meds and just see what happens. I'll Dr Williams tomorrow.
New Years resolutions
Cut down on debts
exercise more
CLean sweep house
Jan 12 They cancelled my CSTO meeting and I miss it SO much. Dr williams took me off most of my meds and I am weeling so much better. I want to get back on a good food plan and concentrate on getting this weight off. i also need to find a place to weigh in now. Natalie sent me a menu and what I should be eating in the order I should eat it.
5-6 protein
2 vegies
1-2 fruit
2 dairy
3 starch
2-3 fats
Went ballroom dancing last night - I LOVE it SO much.
Feb 10 I have not written in a long time. I am doing so much better with my emotions and my food. I still occasionally eat more than I should or make a poor choice, but I am really working hard on it. I weighed in 2/3 and weigh 243. Since LA Weight Loss I have lost 105 lbs. I have started going to the gym and I am so weak. I can not even come close to lifting what I could before.
March 5 Hi again. I am glad to say that I now weigh 238. I have to admit that I do not go to the gym like I should , but I do my walk EVERYDAY. I am now obsessed with my dollhouse (mom got it for me for Christmas) It keeps me busy and out of the food. I am at the point in my recovery that I can eat more and I have to REALLY have to make an effort NOT to overeat. I can eat 2 small pieces of pizza (no crust edge) and a banana. Yes, that's a lot. I have to make myself not eat that much. AS I have been told, this is not the cure, it is a tool. I am trying. on the good side, I still do not eat sugar, liquid calories (like Fruit juice) or sodas of any kind. I still eat protein first, though I LOVE fries and chips still. I will steal one or two off my boyfriends plate, but try to NEVER order them for myself.
May 20 Hi, It's been a long time since I have written. Today, I weigh 212. It seems unbelievable to me. But as with alot of Gastric patients I am surprised to find that even with my wonderful weightloss, I am not magically happy. First, My mother - who is also my best friend - moved back to my hometown. I miss her and it is making me so depressed. Secondly, I was in a car accident - totalled my car and cracked 3 ribs. Though I am through having to deal with the pain, now I am having to deal with bills, insurance companies and all that misc. crap. As in the past - I find myself turning to food. As a food addict, it is hard to not just eat and eat all day, but I find myself eating til I am uncomfortable. So I have to shake myself and remind myself that I don't want to end up like I was before. My boyfriend and I just got back from a trip to Gatlinburg. I walked the whole town - went in EVERY store in the city. The next day, I hiked 2.6 miles. I NEVER felt any pain in my knees or ankles and no swelling. It was wonderful, I really enjoyed my vacation first the first time in FOREVER! :) I never want to go back to huffing and puffing and having to spend 1/2 of my vacation with my feet propped up.
