DOG LAWS
- Newspapers: If you have to go pee while playing in the front
yard, always use the newspaper that's placed on the driveway every morning
just for that purpose.
- Visitors: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge
across the room, barking loudly, & leap playfully on this person. If
your human falls down on the floor & starts crying, lick his/her face
& growl gently to show your concern.
- Licking: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately
before licking your human. Humans always prefer clean tongues.
- Barking: Because we are dogs, we are expected to bark. So bark -
a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their
house.Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds.
There is no more secure feeling for humans than to keep waking up in
the middle of the night & hearing their protective dog barking and barking
and . . .
- Holes: There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily
to do your part to help correct this problem. Rather than digging a BIG
hole in the middle of the yard & upsetting your humans, dig a lot of
small holes all over the yard so they won't notice.
- Doors: The area immediately in front of a door is always reserved
for the family dog to sleep on. Wag your tail so it makes tolerant,
thumping sounds on the floor every time you are stepped on.
- Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty
as the family dog to accommodate them.
- Dining: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when
there are guests, so you can clean up food when it starts to accumulate on
the floor. This is also a good time to practice your sniffing.
- Housebreaking: This is very important to humans, so break as much
of the house as possible.
- Walks: When out for a walk with you master or mistress, never go
to the bathroom on your own lawn. Always pick the nosy neighbor's yard.
- Couches: It is permissible to sleep on the new couch after your
humans have gone to bed.
- C*ts: When chasing c*ts, never c*tch them. It spoils all the fun.
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