Part of growing up is separating from your parents, claiming your independence. This includes doing things they don't always approve of and things you don't really want them to know. Unfortunately, while I never saw Dad as omnipotent, somehow the idea that he MIGHT find out was enough to keep me in line. Not fear of punishment, and God knows I am more than willing to try and out stubborn him, but my behavior would be seen as a reflection on him, by him and by the institution I grew up in.
As the oldest, I think I was sometimes preoccupied with setting an example, and for a long time I thought I was probably a perfect child. Mom set me straight on that one though. Willfull. That's what I was. Full of will. I will and I will not. Yet there were rules that had to be followed. I followed them. I made some of them. I felt like a partner with my parents. In my memory, they always talked to me as if they cared what I thought. I felt like my opinion counted. From this vantage point, I'm not sure that it did, but I felt respected.
This one point has always stood me in good stead. I don't get talked down to. I come to any relationship: work, community, or friendship, with the expectation that we start with mutual respect. I got that from Mom and Dad.
There was a great deal of security in our home. I know Dad was away on TDY sometimes, but his presence was such that we felt his influence even when he was away. Then there was VietNam. I remember the day we took him to the airport in Colorado Springs, then stopped at the Church on the way back. Many little prayers went speeding after him that morning. Now when I listen to our voices on the tapes that crossed the Pacific that year, it is easy to hear the longing in our voices. How long a year seems when you are a child.
Now they fly by. I couldn't let another one go without telling you this way, Dad. Thank you for everything. You chose the right woman and you started with the right kid. Practice makes perfect. I love you.

Kathryn Luree De Toy

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Kate in Uncle Ronnie's boots.

Kate, Mom with Denise, Dad with Jon, and Jeff.

Kate on leave from the Navy.

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HOMEPAGE

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Lois Arlene De Toy

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