Jokes #5!

Be A Kid Again

Give yourself a gold star for everything you do today.

Dot all your "i"'s with smiley faces.

Sing into your hairbrush.

Grow a milk mustache.

Smile back at the man in the moon.

Read the funnies and throw the rest of the paper away.

Dunk your cookies.

Ask somebody if their refrigerator is running.

Play a game where you make up the rules as you go along.

Order with eyes that are bigger than your stomach.

Open a pack of cupcakes and give one to a friend even though you wanted both of them for yourself.

Pretend your bread rolls are tap dancing.

Step carefully over sidewalk cracks.

Change into some play clothes.

Try to get someone to trade you a better sandwich.

Have a staring contest with your cat.

Eat ice cream for breakfast.

Kiss a frog... just in case!

Give someone a "Hug-around-the-neck."

Blow the wrapper off a straw.

Refuse to eat crusts.

Make a face the next time somebody tells you "no."

Watch TV in your pajamas.

Ask "why?" a lot.

Make graham-cracker-and-frosting sandwiches.

Believe in fairy tales.

Have someone read you a story.

Make and fly paper airplanes...everywhere.

Eat dessert first.

Wear your favorite shirt with your favorite pants even if they don't match.

Sneak some frosting off a cake.

Refuse to back down in a "did vs. did-not argument."

Do a cartwheel.

Get someone to buy you something you don't really need.

Hide your vegetables under your napkin.

Stay up past your bedtime.

Whatever you're doing, stop once in a while for recess.

Wear red gym shoes.

Make a "slurpy" sound with your straw when you get to the bottom of a milkshake.

Sit really still for as long as the dog is asleep in your lap.

Put way too much sugar on your cereal.

Play a song you like really loud, over and over.

Find some pretty stones and save them.

Let the string all the way out on your kite.

Walk barefoot in wet grass.

Giggle at nude statues in a museum.

Make cool screeching noises every time you turn a corner.

Count the colors in a rainbow.

Fuss a little, then take a nap.

Take a running jump over a big puddle.

Eat dinner at the coffee table.

Giggle a lot for no real reason.

Make a clover chain for someone you really "like-like."

Stir ice-cream flavors together.

Do that tap-someone-on-the-shoulder-while-you-stand-on-their- opposite-side-and-they-turn-around-and-no-one's-there thing.

Enjoy your all-time favorite candy-bar (Forget you've heard of calories!)

Wear a ball cap backwards.

Go to the zoo.

Say "duh" when stuff is obvious.

Throw something and when it lands make a cool exploding bomb noise.

Put an orange slice in your mouth, peel side out, and smile at people.

Try to eat all the chocolate off a peanut butter cup.

Every time someone says "See you later" say "Not if I see you first" or "thanks for the warning" then laugh real hard.

Whistle the theme from your favorite TV show all day.

Help your salt-and-pepper shakers talk to each other in high, squeaky voices.

Remember to say your prayers.

Squish some mud between your toes.

Buy yourself a helium balloon.

Ride a roller coaster two times in a row.

Sing the "I see London, I see France" song to someone wearing low-slung pants.

Eat peanut butter straight out of the jar.

When your gum starts losing its flavor, spit it out and get a new piece.

Write your sweetie's initials in a chalk heart on the sidewalk.

Wave to the engineer.

Make a smiley face with your bacon and eggs.

Run through the sprinkler with all your clothes on.

Lick all the ice cream out of an ice cream sandwich before you eat the sandwich part.

Catch lightning bugs in a jar and make a lantern.

Practice whistling through your teeth.

Eat cereal any ol' time of the day you feel like it.

Wear a bubble gum machine ring.

Skip a stone across a pond.

Make somebody laugh just when they start to drink something.

Eat just the chocolate stripe out of your Neapolitan ice cream.

Ask to be excused.

Chew bubble gum.

Spin the stem of an apple to see what letter it comes out on.

Start thinking now about what you want for your next birthday.

Sing to yourself all day.

Talk to your invisible friend.

Play with your younger siblings toys.

Stick your hand in the fish bowl, try to catch one.

Draw a gang of "stick-figure" persons, and call it your family!!!

Color in your favorite coloring book with your really cool box of 144 crayons with the neato crayon sharpener.

Finger-paint and make a really big mess.

Buy pajamas with feet.

Get the giggles and laugh until it hurts.

Ask someone if they like "see-food."

Color in your favorite coloring book.

Eat food with your fingers.

Find some Matchbox cars and have a race -- you push both cars.

Try to style Barbie's hair some way that actually looks nice.

Avoid the opposite sex at all cost on account of "cooties."

Wave at the drivers in the cars behind you.

Climb in and out of the windows of cars, just like they did in Dukes of Hazzard.

Play dress up complete with costume jewelry, shoes that don't fit and an enormous hat that looks ridiculous; then go to lunch like that.

Stick your head out the car window and moo if you see a cow.

Send out 2 "smileys" in one day. ``\o/``

THEN forward this silliness to a friend!

And Never Stop Smiling!!!

~\o/`~

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine" (Proverbs 17:22)

Guilty

You Might Be Addicted To The Net If...

Your bookmarks take 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

Your eyeglasses have a website burned in on them.

You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.

You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity or phone lines.

You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.

You spend half of the trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.

All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net.

Even your night dreams are in HTML.

You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

You start introducing yourself as "Jim at 1-1 Net dot net ca".

Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you have never had heart problems.

You step out of your room and realize your family has moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.

You turn on your intercom when you leave your room so you can hear if e-mail arrives.

Your wife drapes a blonde wig over your moniter to remind you of what she looks like.

All of your friends have an @ in their names.

When looking at a pagefull of someone elses links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

Your pet has it's own homepage.

You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and your halfway through Lycos.

You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.

You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.

You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated only by a 17 inch monitor.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages" so you check it again.

You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.

Your phone bill comes to your door step in a box.

You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

You don't know what sex three of your closest friends are because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

You name your children Eudora, Mozilla, and Dotcom.

You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.

Your husband tells you he's had the beard for two months.

You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games.

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html.

You actually try that 123.elm.street address.

Your virtual girlfriend finds a new sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.

You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.

Your friends no longer send you e-mail, they just log on your IRC channel.

You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built in keyboard and mouse.

Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer can not come to bed."

You are so familar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.

You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."

You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.

The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.

You put a pillow case over your laptop so your spouse doesn't see it while you are pretending to catch your breath.

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace your chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

You forget what year it is.

You start tilting your head sideways to smile :-)

You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.

You begin to wonder how on earth your server provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."

You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.

Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road your first instinct is to search for the back button.

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