2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
3) The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.
5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
8) Ushers will eat latecomers.
9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
[Source: Giggles list]
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."
Today...Christian Youth Fellowship Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A.B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
The Reverend Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Reverend Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10th and 11th.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
WARNING, CAUTION, DANGER, AND BEWARE! Gullibility Virus Spreading over the Internet! ****************************************************** WASHINGTON, D.C.--The Institute for the Investigation of Irregular Internet Phenomena announced today that many Internet users are becoming infected by a new virus that causes them to believe without question every groundless story, legend, and dire warning that shows up in their inbox or on their browser. The Gullibility Virus, as it is called, apparently makes people believe and forward copies of silly hoaxes relating to cookie recipes, email viruses, taxes on modems, and get-rich- quick schemes. "These are not just readers of tabloids or people who buy lottery tickets based on fortune cookie numbers," a spokesman said. "Most are otherwise normal people, who would laugh at the same stories if told to them by a stranger on a street corner." However, once these same people become infected with the Gullibility Virus, they believe anything they read on the Internet. "My immunity to tall tales and bizarre claims is all gone," reported one weeping victim. "I believe every warning message and sick child story my friends forward to me, even though most of the messages are anonymous." Another victim, now in remission, added, "When I first heard about Good Times, I just accepted it without question. After all, there were dozens of other recipients on the mail header, so I thought the virus must be true." It was a long time, the victim said, before she could stand up at a Hoaxes Anonymous meeting and state, "My name is Jane, and I've been hoaxed." Now, however, she is spreading the word. "Challenge and check whatever you read," she says. Internet users are urged to examine themselves for symptoms of the virus, which include the following: - the willingness to believe improbable stories without thinking - the urge to forward multiple copies of such stories to others - a lack of desire to take three minutes to check to see if a story is true T. C. is an example of someone recently infected. He told one reporter, "I read on the Net that the major ingredient in almost all shampoos makes your hair fall out, so I've stopped using shampoo." When told about the Gullibility Virus, T. C. said he would stop reading email, so that he would not become infected. Anyone with symptoms like these is urged to seek help immediately. Experts recommend that at the first feelings of gullibility, Internet users rush to their favorite search engine and look up the item tempting them to thoughtless credence. ÊMost hoaxes, legends, and tall tales have been widely discussed and exposed by the Internet community. Courses in critical thinking are also widely available, and there is online help from many sources, including: Department of Energy Computer Incident Advisory Capability at http://ciac.llnl.gov/ciac/CIACHoaxes.html Symantec Anti Virus Research Center at http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/index.html McAfee Associates Virus Hoax List at http://www.mcafee.com/support/hoax.html Dr. Solomons Hoax Page at http://www.drsolomons.com/vircen/hoax.html The Urban Legends Web Site at http://www.urbanlegends.com Urban Legends Reference Pages at http://www.snopes.com Datafellows Hoax Warnings at http://www.Europe.Datafellows.com/news/hoax.htm Those people who are still symptom free can help inoculate themselves against the Gullibility Virus by reading some good material on evaluating sources, such as: Evaluating Internet Research Sources at http://www.sccu.edu/faculty/R_Harris/evalu8it.htm Evaluation of Information Sources at http://www.vuw.ac.nz/~agsmith/evaln/evaln.htm Bibliography on Evaluating Internet Resources at http://refserver.lib.vt.edu/libinst/critTHINK.HTM Lastly, as a public service, Internet users can help stamp out the Gullibility Virus by sending copies of this message to anyone who forwards them a hoax. ***************************************************** This message is so important, we're sending it anonymously! Forward it to all your friends right away! Don't think about it! This is not a chain letter! This story is true! Don't check it out! This story is so timely, there is no date on it! This story is so important, we're using lots of exclamation points! For every message you forward to some unsuspecting person, the Home for the Hopelessly Gullible will donate ten cents to itself. (If you wonder how the Home will know you are forwarding these messages all over creation, you're obviously thinking too much.) ****************************************************** ACT NOW! DON'T DELAY! LIMITED TIME! NOT SOLD IN ANY STORE! ____________________________________________ David Louis Harter - California Technologies http://www.catechnologies.com mailto:webmaster@catechnologies.com
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
Jane
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
Lucy
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
Anita
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones,why don't you just keep the ones you have now?
Jane
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
Nan
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
Neil
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
Jane
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
Joyce
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
Tom L.
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
Bruce
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladdin, I will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set.
Raphael
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
Larry
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
Sam
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
Ruth M.
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.
Nan
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Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
Mickey D.
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Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Love, Chris
-----------------------
Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it ...So I bet he stoled your idea.
Sincerely, Donna
-----------------------
© 1997 mcpumpkin@geocities.com
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