Nathaniel
My Special Baby

I realize this probably sounds terrible, but I think this verse sums up how we, as parents, feel about our "Special" children. They are, of course, our "Little piece of heaven on earth", and yet, at the same time, they are a constant source of worry.

For myself, it took me about two years after I realized that something was wrong with Nathaniel to get over feeling like I had somehow caused his disability.

It took just as long to quit acting like Nathaniel was a "normal" child.

But, there have been triumphs...and each triumph is sweeter because it took so long to master the skill.

There are horrible periods of sadness. Longing that your child could be like other children his age....And you thank God that your child is innocent of your inner turmoil.

For parents with children with undiagnosed problems, there is the "Eternal Search."

"Doctor, there is something wrong with my baby."

Doctor, can you direct me to some place where I can find some help for my baby?"

"Doctor..."

"Doctor..."

...And so, the search goes on. Sometimes for years. No answers....No answers....

But, there are always questions. "Am I expecting enough?"

"Am I expecting too much?"

"Am I doing all I can or is there something else I can do?"

"How can I know what to expect if I don't know what's wrong?"

Yes. There are always questions.

You search....For people who understand. For people who have gone through it also. You search for answers...and, yes, more questions to ask.

My little boy is six years old and I still have all these questions...and the realization that my little boy will always be my little boy.