(sung to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")
You better watch out, you better make way
A bunch of criminals are coming this way
The Dallas Cowboys are coming to town
Get out your guns you might have to shoot
They're bringing lots of booze and prostitutes
The Dallas Cowboys are coming to town

Who's that cruising down the highway
It looks like Leon Lett

Abby Rhodes: Oh, no.

He's passing everything in sight
Except his urine test....

Abby: Oooohhhh

(sung to Suzy the Snowflake)
Here comes Deion the flake tiptoeing oh so soft
The way he highsteps and hotdogs, I hope his head gets knocked off
Here comes Troy Aikman, looks like he is hurt
The way he cries after getting hit, he should just wear a skirt

OK, it's sing-a-long time!

(sung to Deck the Halls)
Smoke some crack with Michael Irvin falalala lalalala
From the cops he's running swerving falalala lalalala
Hear the bimbo testifying falalala lalalala
See the case the DA's trying falalala lalalala
See his lawyer cop a plea now falalala lalalala
Micheal Irvin's going free now falalala lalalala
You and I would get incarceration falalala lalalala
But pro athletes only get probation falalala lalalala