Seems like a lot has happened since the last time I wrote... some good stuff... some bad... Let's see... where do I begin? I guess with the good :-)
I finally got my mom moved in last Saturday (the 2nd) It was a smooth move with Jonathan, Matt, and Christina helping. And so far we are doing fine and she is really trying not to invade my space too much by respecting that I need unwind time when I get home from work instead of pouncing on me in need of conversation as soon as I come through the door… she at least waits until I say hello first ;-) Yes, it will be a HUGE adjustment on both our parts, but I'm committed to making it work somehow and I think she is too. I guess it will boil down to how much she wants to make it work as her benefits of living with me far outweigh mine. She can eventually become my dependent with all the benefits of military life... like medical insurance. I think anyway. I still have to do some research on the subject, but I'm not going to do that until I know that it will work. We'll give it a year or until I'm reassigned to another base and then make the big decision. Until then, it is one day at a time and an abundance of patience.
The bad news is... I started smoking again. Not that I wanted to, but because I had to. I gained a whopping 10 pounds within 18 days and not only did I go over my maximum Air Force weight, I couldn't button up my uniform pants all the way. What upset me the most was that I hadn't changed my eating habits... meaning, I didn't start snacking as a replacement for cigarettes like some people do. Anyway, I forced myself to start again so that I could lose the weight quickly and solve those two problems. I've done that now, but before I attempt to quit again, I need to lose another 10 to 15 pounds so that I will have a buffer to work with. You see, it is a proven fact that your metabolism slows way down when you quit and I didn't take that into consideration and exercise more. I was really upset by this and couldn't bring myself to send out a broadcast email describing my failure. Instead I'm writing it here and so for those of you that read my journal, you now know... but hey, I'm still committed to quitting and I will... I have to!
18 FEBRUARY 2002
I did a little traveling this past weekend… Christina and I drove to Biloxi to see Jennifer. Haven’t seen her since she left for Japan 3 years ago so it was a great visit to say the least. We did some shopping, saw a movie, and ate some real good food at Olive Garden and the Outback Steakhouse and of course got caught up with all the happenings in the last few years. On the way back, we stopped at Dad’s house and got a HUGE surprise… a 30 foot 1997 Coachmen Mirada motorhome!! Yep, my retirement home in another 7 to 11 years ;-) ;-) He bought it for both of us… his 75th and my 42nd birthday present ;-) or you could say that it is my inheritance… either way, it is mine for my retirement. He said all that I had to do now was find and buy an RV lot to park it on. Him and I looked at RV property when we went to the Georgia mountains in November 2000; however, I think I’d rather be closer to the ocean than the mountains as I’m rather spoiled with the weather down here now ;-) I’ll probably start looking in the Destin area and go from there. It would be great to find the property and buy it as soon as Jonathan graduates next year so that I can have it paid off by the time I do retire… then I really could live off my retirement check and do some traveling when I wanted. Yeah, I’m pretty excited… it’s a dream come true ;-) In the meantime, I’m sure he’ll be having some of his own fun running around the countryside… his first trip will be local and then him and Aunt Marge are going to head to New Orleans. This is the biggest motorhome yet so he has been practicing backing up and parking at the local mall ;-)
Here's a picture of one just like it since I haven't developed the pictures yet that I took...
25 February 2002
BREAKTHROUGH ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!! For several years now, I've been battling with myself about why I feel the way I do about my mother. I've had this intense need to figure out it out and saw her moving in with me as a way to maybe breakthrough the layers of pain and maybe establish some kind of mother/daughter relationship with her. I'm surprised though that it only took 22 days to solve the mystery, however I'm sure it will take much longer to have a real mother/daughter relationship with her mostly because she doesn't know how to and apparently I don't either. Anyway, the big announcement is she thinks that "I OWED HER" for putting up with me when I was a wild and crazy teenager and I've always thought that "SHE OWED ME". In fact, she thinks that all her children "OWE HER" for all she did for them... which was basically raising them on her own since my father was always working out of town. It's funny now, because all I ever wanted was for her to own up to it and say "I'm sorry" and really mean it, but all this time, she has felt the opposite. She even admitted to disliking me and being jealous of my relationship with my father. Pitiful, but true. At least now I can rest easy knowing that it wasn't all in my mind and maybe someday I can move beyond the pain and feel the love that a daughter should have for her mother. I hope so anyway...
Back.
