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What a long work week! I never thought it would end, but it did and now I’m enjoying a relaxing weekend at home in My Mirada. I have nothing planned and so I will do as I feel when I feel like it. I love these type weekends… I love my adventures too, but I’m holding off on any of those right now because IF the cancer is back then I still plan on taking some vacation time and just going… 50 States in 50 Days? Airplane trips? Short drives to visit friends and family? I still haven’t decided as I think it will depend on how advanced the cancer is IF it is back and how soon treatments would have to start and of course what kind of treatment. In other words, there are still too many unknowns for me to make any sound decisions so I will just try to relax until such time that I need to make a decision. I already told Janice that I would come visit her the weekend of Veteran’s Day whether I fly or drive so that is the only known right now. John wants to spend some time with me too and I think it would do me some good to have a wild weekend beforehand IF it is back. So then I ask myself what else is there that I want to do beforehand besides get my life in order, update my wills (both living and the other), consolidate bank accounts, add Jonathan to my storage facility, inventory my storage facility, etc. etc. I really can’t think of anything else besides continuing to get close to the Lord and visiting family and friends, but I’ll keep my motto going “dreaming of tomorrow keeps me focused on today!”
2 OCT 05
I figured out the timeline for the 50 States in 50 Days trip and it would work; however, I’ve decided that I don’t want to rush that big adventure by doing it in 50 days… I want to take my time and really enjoy each state sooooooooooo I WILL beat the cancer IF it is back so that I can fulfill my dream of 50 States in 50 Months! Now my dreaming has me taking leave and driving up the East Coast to Virginia to visit with Janice then John…lunch with Iva…then flying to Topeka to visit with Fran and maybe visiting with Althea…then driving towards Chattanooga to visit with Jonathan and Emily…or maybe I’ll fly from Atlanta and take Jonathan with me…then Pensacola to see Dad and Mom…then back home to start the fight of my life. Yes, I like that adventure better. That would be 2 days to get to Janices…2 days at Janice’s…2 days with John…2 days to get to Chattanooga…2 days in Topeka…2 days to get to Pensacola…3 days in Pensacola…then home for a total of 15 days of leave. That’s about right. So now the question is when?
I guess this will be the last time I’ll be able to type directly into my journal as I have to pack up the laptop and send it in to get fixed. I’ll try to write at work and then transfer it over once I get it back so that I can keep an accurate accounting of this present adventure I’m on.
4 OCT 05
I'm doing okay...better than okay actually. Why? Because I finally received a card (and $$ owed) from Jim and his words, although nice, provided closure for me. Mainly because of what he didn’t say. And you know what the best part was? As I was driving down the road trying to figure how I was really feeling about it, I passed a church and you know how they sometimes put words on their signs?... well, this particular sign read "God loves you and he has a wonderful plan for you" and then not 20 seconds later, I passed another church and their sign read "Right Choices, Happy Heart". Sooooooooooooooooooooo that's when a huge smile came over me and I felt peace within :-) Pretty cool, huh?
16 OCT 05
I’m sitting here at the dock--alone with my thoughts and my prayers for strength. The tears are falling freely as I release the pent up fears of what might be. And as they dry now so does the wetness of my fears. I feel the sun on my body as well as my soul…it’s warming…it’s comforting.
My wonderful son just called and that helped a lot. I love him so much! He told me I was going to write that as soon as I hung up and I did :-) My wonderful daughter came over yesterday and we had a bbq with Matt and two of her friends…it was actually fun…even went paddle boating! That was a little more physical than I thot it would be but felt good overall. Then Christina and I had a heart to heart after her friends left and it made me realize just how much I love her and need her. I am a very lucky and fortunate lady to have such great children who happen to be great friends too :-) Yeah I’m okay now :-)
24 OCT 05
I am FINALLY back online and am able to write again! I guess I found it too hard to write the old fashioned way, but I did add the above two entries that I wrote when I couldn’t contain it within.
25 OCT 05
Feels so good to have my laptop back and to be able to write daily again. Seems like so much has happened since then that will be hard to capture, but here are the highlights…
Had my appointment with the surgeon who referred me to an oncologist…
The oncologist said that a biopsy was warrented and has referred me back to the surgeon
Jim called out of the blue to say hello… it was great to hear his voice again
John has a one track mind and I have to say that I’m happy that my impending surgery canceled the trip to see him…
Jonathan fights this coming weekend
Christina and Matt came over for a bbq weekend before last
That’s all I can think of right off the top of my head. Tis time to take my shower and get ready for work so I’ll write again tomorrow.
26 OCT 05
Tomorrow is here…which is now today and one day closer to retirement. 1065 more days to go! Unless…. But I’m not going to think about that right now. I feel pretty good at the moment… have given all my worries to God and am trusting in Him.
27 OCT 05
I have one of those not so wonderful gyn appts this morning…. I really dislike lying on that table. Oh well, will be over before I know it. And then I can look forward to this weekend as I’m going to take a road trip to Columbus GA to watch my son fight and then spend some time alone walking the banks of the Chattahoochee River. After that I’ll probably relax in my room, take a nice bubble bath while sipping a glass of wine or a beer and then play on my computer for awhile. I took Monday as leave so then I can make it a leisurely trip back home.
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