Greetings to all you non-cats! I am of course, a cat. No special lineage, just a cat. I LIVE for a nice warm lap to curl up into! Any will do, so long as it's comfy. (no bony laps please!) I also prefer that you be in a chair that reclines, as then I have more space to stretch out in. But...if that's not possible, I suppose I can deal?!

How many of you cats out there have a problem in getting your way? I was once in your shoes too! But...I have found the secret to getting exactly what you want in two easy steps. Interested? Let me explain.

First of all, want everything! (After all, if you're going to be demanding why not have it all?!) Second, give them NO peace! (they're just big stupid people right? You're a small clever cat!)

Now how do you ask do you accomplish this? It's really very simple. I don't know why it took me so many years to figure it out, but here it is: If you're not succeding in getting your way, roam around the room in search of an object you can hurl to the floor! That'll get their attention in no time flat, I can assure you! But you've got to be careful with this one! Don't be obvious. Sit and stare at the object for awhile. If this doesn't work, stare at the object then at your owner (I know, really they're the pet and we're the owner, but we must humor them!) Give them a look that will swing them into action. (My personal favorite is the "What are you going to do about it?" look) If this too is a failure, then you must resort to knocking the object down. Works every time! (you have to be careful and only use this as a way to get outside though!)

If it's food you're looking for, then just prowl around maybe giving a few yowls for good measure. (it's gauranteed to drive em crazy!) Oh! I almost forgot! When roaming around the room in either case, make sure never to touch the floor! (floors after all were made for DOGS!) picking a table or bookcase with a cloth on top will give a satisfying slide. (also guaranteed to gain some attention! there's just one thing to watch out for in this---don't slide off the other end!) You must be graceful with your leaps, or you'll end up on the floor looking stupid, and no-one wants that! I hope this has been of some help to you. It certainly works for me!