YOU KNOW YOUR GETTING OLDER WHEN...
* Your back goes out more than you do
* You start complaining that "They re building car seats too darn low!
* You stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you re down there.
* Your arms are too short to read the newspaper.
* You talk about "good grass" and you re referring to someone s lawn.
* When you do the HOKEY POKEY and you "put your left hip out"...It stays out.
* You wonder why everyone else is starting to MUMBLE.
* No matter where you sit, no matter where you are, There s Always a Draft On You.
* You think of a "quickie" as napping at a traffic light
* You have a party and the neighbors don t even realize.
* Everything hurts and what doesn t hurt doesn t work.
* You feel like you were out all night but you haven't been anywhere.
* You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there
* You look forward to a dull evening.
* You support all movements...by eating bran, prunes & raisins.
* Your little black book contains only names ending in MD.
* You have too much room in the house but not enough in the medicine chest
* People send you lists like this one.
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1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
5. You are proud of your lawn mower.
6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8. You sing along with the elevator music.
9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
13. You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
14. You send money to PBS.
15. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
16. You take a metal detector to the beach.
17. You know what the word "equity" means.
18. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
19. Your ears are hairier than your head.
20. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
21. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
22. You got cable for The Weather Channel.
23. You can go bowling without drinking.
24. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
25. People send you this list.