Because I'm a gal, I don't need the television remote control, I have to have the VCR remote so that I can fast forward through the commercials in the soaps I recorded. If I can't find the remote, I will sit patiently through most of the commercial, then get frustrated and get up and manually fast forward through the last 2 seconds.
Because I'm a gal, when I lock my keys in the car I will call my husband who is 3 hours away. If he won't come and fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and instead suggests that we call a road service then I will divorce him well at least threaten to. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will complain about how my husband won't work on it for me. This weekend I persuaded him to change the oil and Wednesday my headlight went out - I know he only did that to get out of changing my oil next time.
Because I'm a gal, I have the right to be a witch one week every month. Yes, a full 25% of the time I have the right to be as hateful and rude as I want and totally uncaring about you in fact, I know that somehow you are to blame for this. If you are not completely tolerant of me I will tell the whole world what an uncaring jerk you are with no understanding. You never get sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I'm a gal, I expect to be able to rely on you to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread, or Cumin, or Tofu.
Because I'm a gal, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on you fixing it. If you want to call a repair man that's okay, but for a few more bucks we could get a new one! In fact, don't even bother with it, I don't want to clean up your mess, and a repair man is too expensive. I'll just run downtown and get a new one, where's the checkbook?
Because I'm a gal, I know WE are lost because I am lost, I don't care that you think you know where you are at. I am positive we should stop and ask someone, but don't even think about asking ME to go in that gas station and ask a stranger for anything, much less directions! And put that map away, you can't drive and look at that map. Oh no, don't give it to me, you know I don't know how to read those things.
Because I'm a gal, there is no need to give beyond a one word answer when I ask what you are thinking about. I only asked to open conversation so that I can tell you what I am thinking about.
Because I'm a gal, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is just fine with me. YOU DID WHAT?!? You never got one of those for me!! I'm leaving! When you get ready to apologize, I'll be at Moms.
Because I'm a gal, I am capable of repeating the story (at your family reunion) about how you and your buddies go get drunk and stay out all night. I can repeat this story every year and tell it so as it sounds like a new event even if it did only happen once 5 years ago. If you so much as open your mouth while I am telling the story I will blurt out something like - OH, ARE YOU DENYING IT? TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE!
Because I'm a gal, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. If it had Arnold Swarzenegger, or a gut like that..... I didn't like it and I can't believe you did, in fact I am mad at you for liking it. And if I am crying at the end of it, I did like it and you BETTER have liked it too.
Because I'm a gal, yes, I have to turn up the radio when the latest pop sensation tune comes on. And yes it is a must that I buy the tape, wear out the one song, and then clutter the glove box and console with the worthless piece of junk. I'm tired of it for a while, but you better not take it out of my car, or even think about throwing it away. This process is best carried out in conjunction with the 8 hour vacation drive. By the time we get to the beach, he will go along with whatever I want. For the next few days he will care about nothing but getting that stupid tune out of his head, then we can return home (with a new pop sensation picked up at the beach gift shop at twice the bucks).
Because I'm a gal, I think what you're wearing is fine even though you didn't ask. I thought what you were wearing the other day would look better though. No, no, no, I don't like that either, here put this on.
Because I'm a gal and this is, after all, the 90's, I will share equally in the housework. You mow the lawn, paint the house, fix the plumbing, add some more outlets, and do exactly as I say to the landscaping and flower bed, and I'll get a cleaning lady to fix up the house while I run to town. Oh, don't get carried away digging those holes for the azaleas, you keep an eye on the kids, they'll be in the street before you know it.
